I realized a few months ago that I can forgive my brothers. I don't know how this happened, but I know that God had a hand in helping me heal from the inside out, and I can't thank Him enough. If ever given the chance to talk to them about it, and if they're willing to admit to themselves that they actually caused me emotional harm, at least, I will be willing to forgive them whole-heartedly. The only roadblock is the fact that I feel like they're not going to be willing to remember the acts they committed, think I had completely forgotten, or have completely blocked it from their own memories in order to not have to deal with...the guilt? The fact that I may be, deep down inside, furious at what they did to me? No! I love them all with all of my heart and, if they can accept the good things between us all, such as love and family, then why not the bad, as well?

Are bad happenings in a family something we all have to keep a secret, even between family members? Sure, each family has their own "family secrets" that everyone in the family is aware of, but we don't speak of to other people. (Not that I've been able to keep that promise...I can't help it if I cry sometimes over my middle brother almost dying...) But not even my parents know of this...not that I know of. Sure, my brothers convinced me to "turn myself in" as it were for my stripping for them, but we never, EVER mention anything else. Every once in a while I go to my youngest brother and just hug him, and he understands. But the others...I'm not so sure. Even if we were to strike up conversation, I don't know how to bring up that topic. "Hey, by the way, do you remember when you were sixteen and practically raped me?"

I don't think that will work so well. Any suggestions?