Today I had a panic attack when memories of the abuse ambushed me on my way to class. Then after rehersal tonight one of my suitemates came into my room making a sexual joke and all I could do was get him to leave then proceed to lock the door to my rom while reliving yet another memory as a result of this joke. I can't seem to ever be able to joke around with my friends like any other guy. I am begining to think that I never will be able to be happy again.