I was working the closing shift at my job last night and all I could think about was that Bastard who abused me. I swor to myself that I would never that helpless again. So why do I keep seeing his face and feel his hands on me again?!

Dear          ,

                            Thanks to you now I can't sleep. Now I can barely hang out with my friends for fear of what they would say if they knew. Thanks to you now I hurt almost every day. Thanks to you hardly a night goes by without a nightmare, or a day without a flashback. Why did you have to hurt me like that? What did I ever do to you? I didn't want you to do that to me. I trusted you! I was just a little boy, little boys do not deserve that nor do they want that kind of attention. I thought you cared for me.  You say you did and still do? That was not caring for me that was using me for your own twisted and evil desires. Thanks to you I can't get close to anyone and I don't think I ever will be able to do so ever again. Thanks to you now I cry at night so noone will see the pain I'm in. Thanks to you I can't even imagine being in love never mind even having a normal relationship with anyone I would care about had you not done what you did to me.

                                     From,

                                               your victim

My mom can't seem to accept that there is no set timeline for me to heal. She keeps pushing me to tell people and get over my abuse faster than I am ready. No matter how many times I tell her that there is no time limit she brings up the fact that it has been roughly two years since I started seeing my therapist. I love her, but sometimes she can be a little insensitive.

I hate you. Sometimes all I can think of is how you hurt me. Sometimes I want to track you down and pay you back, hurt you like you hurt me or worse. Sometimes I am full of rage and have to hit something. Sometimes I am cringing in fear, as if you are still with me. Sometimes I am afraid, when it feels like you are hurting me again. Sometimes I feel like dirt, used, like I am not worth anything. Sometimes I can't stand being with people who know me because I am afraid they will find out about my secret. Sometimes I feel so alone. Even though there are people who love me and want to do whatever they can to help, they don't understand.Sometimes it just gets so frustrating. Sometimes I can't even seem to be able to fill out a simple job application without being reminded about what happened to me. Sometimes I hate myself. Why am I so weak? Sometimes I feel so helpless, which I swore to myself would never happen again.

Sometimes I just can't stop thinking about what he put me through. At those times I just want to scream that enough is enough and just end it all.