I know some of you have told me this and I know in my head that it wasn't my fault. But I still feel so guilty.

I just woke from a nightmare and started crying. I am begining to think that the nightmares and the pain will never go away. Its been 10 years or more since the abuse ended but I still can't stop thinking about it. It seems like a scar that just won't heal. I am getting sick and tired of all the sleepless nights, flashbacks, tears and pain!

Tonight my suitemates and friends, @ college, take turns coming into my room asking me to come to a brinner with them. A brinner, if you can't tell by the name is having breakfast at dinner. Anyways, while I would really like to go and hang out with them my inner child was holding me back. While I feel like I should share what he did to me there is still a part of me that is afraid of people's reactions when they find out why I am such an introvert and is afraid of being hurt again. I trust my suitemates, they have never given me a reason not to but my inner child doesn't. One of friends was so insistent that I come that he almost pulled it out of me, I got away with telling him I had too much homework and that I had a personal problem that I was working on tonight. I know he meant well but I just can't socialize right now.