I haven't posted in a really long time, because I didn't think to. I should have posted sooner. I guess part of me didn't want you lot to know anything was wrong. I'm kind of ashamed that I'm not fully recovered yet, and I feel like a hypocrite.

Good news: My stalker seems to have disappeared after a final, rather painful attack.

Bad news: This is an anniversary time of year for me, and I've been suffering. I've had constant nightmares and I've been cutting almost every day. I cut every day for twelve days straight, stopped for three, (it was supposed to be at least a week, but I didn't make it) and have cut again for the last four days. I want to stop, I NEED to stop, but I can't seem to. This is particularly bad because the blood tends to make me dissociate, so I've been almost constantly dissociated in one form or another for nearly twenty days. I can't keep going like this! So far the only person who really knows is my therapist. I'm terrified that someone else will see, or find out. Can anyone help me please?

i think it's finally driven my insaneI think it's finally gotten to me no not its his not it's hhe's finally driven me insane i can't take this I heard his footsteps to ngight and then his hands on me throwning me down and I felll I fell i feel the hurt through tmy hand my arm my shoulder i feel it it hurts it hurst so much and my eyes water from it from my arm my leg my cheek butg my arm my arm it hurts is it broken I don't know byut it hurts and i have fallen and i lie there and he bends over me and says oops and is gone and it hurts oh it hurts want to scream but already the panic and shock grip my chest and i can'tbreathe i lie there and hje's back and im scared i'm so scared i think i die of the fear pain and oh it hurts i can't move myu hand but i can it just hurts i can handle theis pain i cna and i must because no one canknow oh but it hurts that he's back it hurts it hurts ithurtsithurts it hurts it hurts help me

I don't know what came over me, but all of a sudden I want to cut really badly. I haven't cut in about a month, and I don't know what just changed. I was just sitting here, and then all of a sudden I was searching frantically through my desk, trying to find where I hid my razor. I really don't want to cut, but there's no one I can talk to here, to help me calm down. Is there someone out there who can help me right now? I'm scared. I don't want to hurt myself, but I'm afraid I'm going to.