so i decided since i've been on this site for quite a while it would be okay to post my story.
i'm sorry if i make a lot of typing mistakes or type "um" a lot. this is hard for me. i know my story isn't as bad as others, but it's still my story to tell.
when i was about 10 or 11 my oldest brother(now 19), asked me if i wanted to join a club. i asked him what club it was and he told me that i'd have to come to his room to find out. later on, i came to his room like he asked, and he was lying down on his bed under a blanket, he told me to take off my clothes.
i was only in fifth or sixth grade by then, so i didn't really understand what sex was.
he would touch me and he even tried to have sex with me. i don't know if i'm a virgin or not,. either i was too young to remember, or i would black out while this happened .
but that's not my whole story.
my other older brother(now 16), would come in and play with me. they told me it was normal and that it was okay. they even made me sign papers not to tell anyone and to let them keep doing this to me until i was 13 and older. they said if i was good they'd be nice to me.
my brothers verbally and sometimes physically abused me, also. I'm now 15, going on 16.
this happened for over a year, in a schedule-like way. we would eat supper, then go upstairs and,. yeah.
i don't know when or how it stopped, but eventually it did, and for a long time afterwards i couldn't touch nor look at a guy.
in class at school, i can't have guys sitting beside or behind me, they have to be in front of me, or i feel scared and nervous.
to this day, only two people know, and i have never told my parents. i feel ashamed, like my parents wouldn't believe me if i told, or that it was my fault.
i feel scared too, like i can't tell everyone because they'll come back and start it again. and i feel for my family's sake, that no one can know.
So the secret stays hidden with me. And i'm gay. i don't know if it's because of what they did, or if it's the fear of guys, or just because i like girls.