I know I haven't been on here awhile I just want to say happy new year and see how everyone is doing take care

 there is a part of me that still wants to know why did this man sexually assualt me why did he have to rape me and stalk and re-traumatize me and harasse after the rape for so long couldn't he see how the aftermath took a toll on emotionally and physically  put me why couldn't he just leave me alone especially after I got a temporary restraing order against him he still choice to continue to see me. I've been thinking about comfronting him again but I already have before I got the tro against him he never gave me a answer on why he did what he did I don't know if i'll ever get that answer. I am at a better place moved away and no longer have to see or deal with that creep.

I was walking to the store pushing my son in his stroller and this card pulled up beside me and was driving by slow I looked over and saw it was this man he kept looking at me he I started to have anxitey attack I began to cry I started to have triggers again of my attacker I grabbed my tazer and turned it on and had it close beside me he then turned around and drove away then it happend again when I was walking back from the store this time it was two men in a car driving beside me slow looking at me.

I don't know if I should tell the judge what happend yesteday when I was at work I just talked to my therapist about it and I asked her if I should and she asked me if I called the police I told her no but I imformed my supervisor right away and my supervisor told my coworker to tell him he's not allowed to be there. so my therapist told me since I didnt call the police the judge might think im not taking the tro seriously but I let her know that as soon as I saw his car I buzzed for help right away and imformed my suppervisor he is the one who is not taking the tro seriously since he keeps violating it. my dad and my case manager told me I should imform the judge that he has violated the tro more then once. just finished getting all my edvidence together for court tommarow and also the psycritst that I say a few months ago I asked him him if he could write a letter for that I could also show the judge so he wrote me one my therapist will also be going with me tommarow my anxiety is high right now I feel sick to my stomach

 the judge didn't drop it since my attacker in the military he wants to have a hearing also the judge told him not to have any contact that also means he not allowed in my workplace so we have to go back to court in two Weeks so the TRO is still in effect until we go back to court.

My attacker came in twice and toremented me I went into the back and had a emotional breakdown.  I will me moving at the end of next month. My therapist told me when I see my attacker and I start freaking out I need to say to myself I'll leaving soon. Last night was awful the first time he came in I was in the back and my co-worker buzzed for help I saw that he was waiting in line and he was about to check out then he saw me and got out of line and lingered around in the store he had to be there for about 30 minutes it was starting to get busy so I had to help get the line down he was in the other line and he kept staring at me once it was his turn my co-worker rung him up then he left once we rung up everyone it started to slow down I went over to my suppervisor and asked her if she saw him she said yes she did and she also saw how he was looking at me she said that he is sick she thinks he's trying to get me again. A few hours later he came in again I was up front by myself and I buzzed for help as soon as he came in my co-worker came out and I told her that i'm going to take the trash out she said ok as I was emptying out the trash cans he came over and asked a question I couldn't understand what he was asking so I went over and asked what did he say "he asked if we had Tums?" I told him yeah and I showed him where it was when we went into the asile where the tums where I pointed to where it was then as I was walking away he grabbed his junk in front of me I felt so violated and sick I went into the back and brokedown and cried I even started punching the dumpster I told my suppervisor what happend. She told me to stay in the back and she went outside to help my co-worker with the line she told him to go to her line she rung him up and got him out of there she then came back in the back and she told me she thinks he was uncomfrontable because he knew that she knew something was going on. She also said when i'm in front with security cameras i'm safe and he knows that if i'm not in front of security cameras i'm not safe she said the reason why he got me away from the security cameras is so he could harass me and I won't have any edvidence on survalince and he will get away with it. This coming March will be one year since he sexually assaulted me and raped me.

I had a two hour session with the psycologist he determain that I have ptsd and depression. We also talked with the military about what happend and see if there is anything that can be done. They said I still can report the assualt but it would be hard to prove since I waited so long to report it. It's been 7 months since the rape and this creep is still stalking me at my workplace he keeps coming in the store everyday torementing and re-traumatizing me. The military said I could get a restraing order against him through the local police department or through the military. I've been doing a lot of thinking about if I should get that restraing order or not several people said I should but I'm afraid to because of the outcome I'm afraid he might do something if he finds out I got a restraing order against him. :-(

I wanna cry right now I was telling my friend that I sent an e-mail to the police about what happend and she said thats good then she said don't get your hopes up because since you waited so long they may not do anything about it. It happend 4 months ago I may not have physical edvidence but what he did to me was wrong and I still have time because in my state you can still report a sex crime up to 6 years and I don't have to do an investigation I can stay unknown and they can do a report about it and keep it on file that way if he does it again they will have edvidence to go on now I see why rape & domestic violence is the only two crimes were the victim is treated like the criminal I wonder if they would tell a domestic victim that they can't do nothing about it because they waited to long how long will it take for the police to do something about it until the domestic victim is dead come on now why does socitey treat us this way this is unfair and you see why some are afraid to come foward... :-(

ok I decided to e-mail my local police department and tell them what happend I was sexually assaulted almost four months ago by this guy that I know and ever since it happend I haven't been the same the trauma is to much to handel sometimes I won't know what the outcome will be unless I try...

I was talking to my counseler and I told her I don't understand why did he wanted me to stay awake while he did what he did instead of doing it ifI was passed out. She told me it maybe because he wants to think that you will enjoy it so he can enjoy it that's so he can get his sexual satisfation that's why he kept you awake. that helps me understand it now when I look back at it. He asked me if I liked it . Days later after the rape he me at  the store I worked at and asked me if I enjoyed it I told him no he then said to me he liked it and wanted to do it again that made me sick to my stomach

He should've just killed me that night but instead he let me live I have to live with what he done to me he violated my mind, body, & soul I am emotionally damged how can he just keep coming around and actting like nothing happend he knows what he did I know what he did I won't forget what he did to me it will never be the same I will never be the same I am damaged emotionally he did what he wanted and got away with I can't change the past or erase what happend it will be with me forever I'm not the same person anymore I never will be the same again... :-(

Never judge a book by its cover...for it's the content inside that tells the real story.

Words may not break bones, but they do break hearts!

Never let negative people bring you down. Remove them from your life. They aren't worth it.

How can rape be justified some people have to be some kind of sick arrogant pricks to do such a hurtful thing. Do they think about what it will do to the victims and their familes? These people who have to suffer and are scared to speak up about it. Sometimes the rapist gets away with it. Please don't stay in silence speak up. We are human beings we all are so why do some people feel the need to do such a horriable crime that is not right It shouldn't matter how your behavior was or what situation you were in no matter what the circumstances are good or bad, it does not justify rape, in any way Nobody deserves to be raped Period!

has anyone ever have to run into their rapist and if so how do you handel it? I was raped by this guy I know I was too afraid to report it. Days later after he raped me he started coming into my workplace even more everyday to see me he would always look around for me and if I was there he would stares at me and he even comes into my line when he coud've went to the other one it creeps me out. Eveytime when he comes in I get sick to my stomach and have anxitey attack it get bad to were my heart races my hands and legs shake and I wanna get away from him I literally can't be around him because i'm so uncomfrontable. I even told him I was uncomfrontable he asked me why I told him because of what happend he just laughed I didn't find it funny. I don't know what his problem is or what he wants but he needs to back off. Some people tell me I should try getting a restraing oreder butI don't have enough edvidence and i'm also afraid to report it who would beleve me.

‎3 months ago I was sexually assualted it makes me upset when people say you still haven't got over it and its been how long I look at them and think it dosen't matter how long it was I still have trauma from it. days after he raped me he started stalking me at work he came in the store 24/7 for two months just to see me it creeps me out I have so much trauma from it I have depression and ptsd I bearly go out only if I have to I don't hang around men not even as friends I have nightmares of being raped again I even cutted myself several times I almost overdose on pills but didn't do it and another time I literally hung myself I almost blacked out but I thought about my son i'm a ssingle mom and I can't leave him he is only 9 months old if it wasn't for him being here I would have nothing else to live for i'm going to therapy and taking medication formy depression and ptsd it also helps anxitey which I also have and to make it worse i have to see the guy who raped me and everytime I see him I have a panic attack when he sees me he always stares at me and when i'm working he comes into my line and when he could've went to the other one but he chose to come to my line when he knows i'm uncomfrontable I even told him I was uncomfrontable he asked why I told him because of what happend he just laughed at me and said ok he told me he enjoyed what he did and told me he wanted to do it again but he told me he wouldn't but I could tell that he just said that to me because thats what he wanted me to hear I don't think he would try to do it again but i'm going to keep my guard up.I still second guess myself I should've faught back I  never should've been alone I never should've drank. I also want answers from him I wanna know why did hedo it he knew from the start I didn't want to do anything I even told him I didn't want to do anything sexual he told me ok I told him I mean it I told him  he better not try anything. He waited until I was intoxicated to take advantage of me I even reisist it and he still forced himself on me the whole time my body went numb I didn't feel like I was myself or in my own body I felt so violated I just cried after he was done he was asking me why was I upset he then said to me I thought you wanted it I told him no I didnt he then said to me I didn't rape you I was confused and still in shock by the whole thing I think to myself why did he want me to stay awake when he did it I think if he did it while I was passed out I wouldn't remember and I wouldn't be dealing with this as hard I know that it sound stupid but i'm in so much trauma and pain I don't know if I can keep going on with what he did to me and he got away with it.
 

I don't know how much more I can take everytime he comes around I freak out. He lives in the same community that I work in and he comes to the store alot I've noticed days later after the rape he started coming in even more everyday just to see me he always looks at me and stares at me it freaks me out and when i'm not there he is looking around for me even my co-workers noticed how he looks around for me theyfind that veery odd they even seen him staring at me when they were helping him when i'm working at the register he comes into my line all the time when he could've went to the other one since it is open but he choses to come to mine when he already knows i'm uncomfrontable I even told him myself i'm uncomfrontable he asked me why I told him because of what happend he just laughed at me and said ok he told me he enjoyed it and wanted to do it again with a smirk on his face my heart dropped and I became sick to my stomach. He told me he wouldn't do it again but I can tell that he didn't really mean what he said  he just said it because thats what he wanted me to hear because he dosen't wanna traumatize me again but  I'm afraid of walking because when he driving and he sees me he slows down and drives by slow and looks at me it makes my skin crawl. Everytime I see him I have a anxitey attack sometimes my hands and legs shake and my heart races. I don't think he would try to do anything again to me but i'm gonna keep my eye open and keep my guard up. I haven't been the same I don't go out like I use to I don't hangout with men not evendate them because i'm afraid I might get raped again I also have ptsd I'm going to therapy and taking medication I don't talk to people that much about it because people tell me to get over it or they tell me its my fault that I got raped thats one of the main reeasons why I didn't report it i'm also afraid no one will believe me so as of right now my rapist is getting away with it and coming around me emotionally traumatizing me even more.

Things Not to Say to a Survivor

There are things that will “trigger” or upset a survivor. Most people don’t have a clue

what to say or do. We’re still your friends, family, wives, moms, students, husbands,

teachers, doctors, brothers and loved ones. There’s no need to back off or be scared of us.

For the most part these suggestions are pretty easy to avoid, as you will see in a minute.

Please don’t...

1. Ask if we liked it. No one likes being physically overpowered.

2. Tell us “it’s just sex”. Rape is a crime of power, control, and extreme violence where

sex is used as a weapon against someone weaker. It is not sex.

3. Tell us how we could have avoided it. Believe me, if we could have prevented it we

would have.

4. Make fun of us. We have faced an attacker who sometimes is willing to kill and have

survived. What’s there to make fun of?

5. Tell us it would never happen to you and why. We didn’t think we would become

statistics either.

6. There’s no need to avoid us. We’re still the same person you’ve come to care about or

learned to care about. We’ve just been unspeakably hurt. We’re not contagious.

7. Please don’t treat us like we have the plague. Chances are we don’t. Do you?

8. God isn’t punishing us for some misdeed by allowing this to happen. God helps us

heal. He doesn’t send someone to hurt His people.

9. Don’t tell us it was God’s will we were raped. Do tell us it was God’s will that we

survived!

10. Don’t disbelieve us. According to survey respondents being disbelieved is a

survivor’s greatest fear.

11. Don’t tell us that survivors make up tales for attention. According to The National

Coalition Against Sexual Assault false rape reports only happen 2% of the time. That’s a

98% chance that no matter how strange it sounds to you the rape isn’t being fabricated.

12. Don’t tell me not to talk about it. Yes it upsets me to talk about it but that is the only

way that I can sort through it.

13. Don’t say, “It happened on a date, that’s common”. When you say that, it belittles me

and my feelings about the assault. It’s not common because it happened to me and I’m

not a statistic.

14. Don’t say “other people have it worse off than you”. I’m not “other people”. I’m me.

15. Don’t feel you need to retaliate against our attacker. We know the perpetrator is

capable of violence. Please don’t make us worry about you being hurt. We’ll feel more

secure knowing you’ll remain in one piece.

16. Don’t blame us for what happened. It’s not our fault.

17. Don’t tell us to “get over it”. We would if we could and we are trying our best.

Support us as we struggle to find our way again.

18. Don’t tell us to put what happened out of our minds. It’s not that simple.

19. Don’t tell us “it’s no big deal”. Rape is an enormous challenge to heal from. It haunts

even our dreams.

20. If we disagree about safety issues in the future please realize that what may sound

strange to you may help us feel safe.

21. Don’t say something like, “Well, it’s been six months (a year, 5 years etc.) and ask if

we’re “over it” yet. Chances are that we may not be ready to go back to life as it was. We

may never be ready and may have to create a new life for ourselves as we learn to be safe

again.

22. Don’t tell us we are weak because it impacts our life. We are stronger than words can

describe.

23. Don’t ask us what you are supposed to do to get past what happened to us. We aren’t

sure what we’re going to do.

24. Don’t ask us if we did this on purpose. We didn’t do anything except survive.

25. Don’t ask us if we couldn’t have done something differently during the attack. We

made the best choices we could to survive. We got away without being killed didn’t we?

That’s proof our instincts were right. Please help us learn to realize that ourselves.

26. Don’t tell us that it’s not rape because we knew the attacker. Numerous studies tell us

that our perpetrators are more likely to be known to us than unknown.

27. If you give us a hug and we pull away please know that chances are we’re not

rejecting you. We may have a hard time being able to respond right now.

28. If we do pull away from you please don’t get mad. Tell us you care. Chances are

you’ll get that hug after all!

29. If you’re together and the survivor has a flashback, try not to be mad at the survivor.

We hate the darned things too! Flashbacks are always rough. It’s difficult to know what

to do. It’s got to be difficult to watch. Any anger should go the one who caused the rape

and not the survivor who has to put her life together.

30. Don’t be afraid to talk to us if we’re upset. Knowing you are there may be just what

we need.

31. If we become suicidal please don’t take that as a sign of weakness. Take that as a sign

we’re overwhelmed, trying to cope, and need help.

32. Don’t pretend rape doesn’t happen to people you know. It does. Thank you for

reading this to learn about it.

33. Don’t get the idea rape just happens to “those” kinds of people. This crime happens to

as many as 1 woman in 4 crossing ethnic, racial, economic and social boundaries.

34. Don’t be afraid of a person who was raped. I promise as a survivor, the rape will

affect you but won’t rub off on you. The person you love is still the same person as

before.

35. Don’t deny your feelings after finding out a friend was raped. Call a rape crisis

center’s hotline and find out what support is available for you.

36. Do not tell us we should take it as a compliment. Rape isn’t about lust or

attractiveness, it’s an act of power and force.

37. Do not tell us “Oh yeah, I know a bunch of girls who’ve been raped” as if it were no

big deal. We realize we aren’t the only ones but by saying that it belittles how it hurts by

making it just another number.