I had a two hour session with the psycologist he determain that I have ptsd and depression. We also talked with the military about what happend and see if there is anything that can be done. They said I still can report the assualt but it would be hard to prove since I waited so long to report it. It's been 7 months since the rape and this creep is still stalking me at my workplace he keeps coming in the store everyday torementing and re-traumatizing me. The military said I could get a restraing order against him through the local police department or through the military. I've been doing a lot of thinking about if I should get that restraing order or not several people said I should but I'm afraid to because of the outcome I'm afraid he might do something if he finds out I got a restraing order against him. :-(

I wanna cry right now I was telling my friend that I sent an e-mail to the police about what happend and she said thats good then she said don't get your hopes up because since you waited so long they may not do anything about it. It happend 4 months ago I may not have physical edvidence but what he did to me was wrong and I still have time because in my state you can still report a sex crime up to 6 years and I don't have to do an investigation I can stay unknown and they can do a report about it and keep it on file that way if he does it again they will have edvidence to go on now I see why rape & domestic violence is the only two crimes were the victim is treated like the criminal I wonder if they would tell a domestic victim that they can't do nothing about it because they waited to long how long will it take for the police to do something about it until the domestic victim is dead come on now why does socitey treat us this way this is unfair and you see why some are afraid to come foward... :-(

‎3 months ago I was sexually assualted it makes me upset when people say you still haven't got over it and its been how long I look at them and think it dosen't matter how long it was I still have trauma from it. days after he raped me he started stalking me at work he came in the store 24/7 for two months just to see me it creeps me out I have so much trauma from it I have depression and ptsd I bearly go out only if I have to I don't hang around men not even as friends I have nightmares of being raped again I even cutted myself several times I almost overdose on pills but didn't do it and another time I literally hung myself I almost blacked out but I thought about my son i'm a ssingle mom and I can't leave him he is only 9 months old if it wasn't for him being here I would have nothing else to live for i'm going to therapy and taking medication formy depression and ptsd it also helps anxitey which I also have and to make it worse i have to see the guy who raped me and everytime I see him I have a panic attack when he sees me he always stares at me and when i'm working he comes into my line and when he could've went to the other one but he chose to come to my line when he knows i'm uncomfrontable I even told him I was uncomfrontable he asked why I told him because of what happend he just laughed at me and said ok he told me he enjoyed what he did and told me he wanted to do it again but he told me he wouldn't but I could tell that he just said that to me because thats what he wanted me to hear I don't think he would try to do it again but i'm going to keep my guard up.I still second guess myself I should've faught back I  never should've been alone I never should've drank. I also want answers from him I wanna know why did hedo it he knew from the start I didn't want to do anything I even told him I didn't want to do anything sexual he told me ok I told him I mean it I told him  he better not try anything. He waited until I was intoxicated to take advantage of me I even reisist it and he still forced himself on me the whole time my body went numb I didn't feel like I was myself or in my own body I felt so violated I just cried after he was done he was asking me why was I upset he then said to me I thought you wanted it I told him no I didnt he then said to me I didn't rape you I was confused and still in shock by the whole thing I think to myself why did he want me to stay awake when he did it I think if he did it while I was passed out I wouldn't remember and I wouldn't be dealing with this as hard I know that it sound stupid but i'm in so much trauma and pain I don't know if I can keep going on with what he did to me and he got away with it.