The last few weeks I have been experiencing some symptoms that, by putting them together is leading me to belive I may be pregnant. It started with back pain, then I started having dizzy spells, then going to the bathroom a lot, then my nips starting to get sore, now mucus on my panties. It really sounds like pregnancy to me. But, after taking two home tests on different days, they came up negative.
Ok, so here is the hard part. I am 43 and have no children. My husband and I unsuccessfully went through a series of fertility work when we were first together, but that was twenty years ago. Then six years ago, after I went through a heck of a time with ptsd issues while I was student teaching, then finished my practicum, I got pregnant. We were so excited, but I ended up loosing the baby. So, now I am scared. I am afraid to hope. I want this so bad, but with all the bad stuff that has gone on for me I am scared to hope. I have been walking around saying "I am pregnant, this is it, it is finally happening, I am blessed, I am so lucky, I know I am pregnant" in order to hold positiveness within me. The last time I did get pregnant, there was such a shadow over my heart. I was even more afraid then to hold hope. Then when I lost it, it was crushing. I wanted it so badly, and my husband was on cloud nine.
There is so much more to all this than I am able to write right now. But I just had to express what is going on with my emotions. By the way, I just made an appointment with a dr for next wednesday. Pray for me please, I want this so badly. I know I am worthy, I know I will be a good mom now, I know we will love this child and make a great life.