Posted: 8/7/2011 - 0 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

 I know my profile says I am healing, but I still have my 'off' days, and this is one of them.

I have not confessed fully to everything on here. Since the event a few years ago, in the last couple of months, someone else decided to make me a victim all over again. Someone, who KNEW about the first time. I really don't understand how they could do such a thing...

And the fact that they are related to me, makes it even worse. I'm not going to go back to my old ways of self harming, but my mind is screaming out. When will this end?

Posted: 8/7/2011 - 2 comment(s) [ Comment ] - 0 trackback(s) [ Trackback ]

 It was a night like this. The rain was heavy, and the 

lightning was bright. It was a night like this where 
everything changed, and it was about to change again. She 
was a popular girl. Always had friends by her side and 
always had someone to talk to. She was one of the 
brightest people you could have ever met. She could tell 
you anything about everything and was never stereotyped 
as a geek or a nerd. She never spoke out and she always 
defended and did what was right. So what happened? She had 
everything, friends, a good relationship with family and a very 
good life. One day that just all changed.
That day, she changed everything about herself. Her looks, 
her personality and her friends. She started to seclude 
herself from the rest of the world. No one seemed to 
worry. Her old friends never spoke to her again. Only a 
rare few even kept in contact. 

The pain was getting worse for her. She couldn’t control 
it. She hid the scars from loved ones, fearing 
discrimination. She tried to take the easy way out, with 
failed attempts. Painkillers. Razors. Falling to her 
death. She had thought of them all, but never achieved it. 
It felt too unbearable to continue with her life. She 
didn’t want to carry on with her life. Is there anyone 
that can help her? 

Failed relationships have made the pain worse. The 
thought of continuing without love is his personal fear. 
A fear that is never irrational. A fear, which could lead 
her to her final breath. 

She hides the pain behind a fake smile. She knows that the 
time is coming where she will not be walking upon this 
Earth. Soon, she will be at peace. Peace from 
discrimination and diversity. Peace from stereotyping and 
racism. The world is full of these things, but what about 
the afterlife? Is it the same as the land of the living? 
Is there an afterlife? Or is there only darkness?

These thoughts are what keep her awake at night. The 
constant decisiveness of her thought is loud and 
debatable. Yes. No. YES! NO! The constant struggle to 
take control of her mind is in the balance of two simple, 
yet complicated answers. Is this what we are meant to 
learn in our time on Earth? But what makes us who we are? 
Or what makes us any different than the other person? Are 
these the lessons we are meant to learn? Are these the 
questions we are meant to ask?

She sees people everyday going through pain, laughter, 
sadness and anger. She feels the emotions around her, the 
pain of the people. Walking by these people, she gets the 
looks of disbelief. They take one look at her and in 
their mind, discriminate against her. Why? What does make 
her different to you?
The final act led her to her end. They could have stopped 
her from leaving this world early. If only they had known 
what she was feeling and thinking. Maybe she would still be 
walking this Earth, laughing, smiling and having fun. 


Look inside yourself and look through the eyes of the 
person YOU discriminate against. Hear the thoughts of 
that person and thinks twice about it. That person may 
not live again after that day. Imagine if that 
person............was you.
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