Just wanted to get something out here.

I know I am not important, I know I am not worth anything, I know I am stupid, evil and bad. But the question is, why do I feel like knowing these things? Because someone made me feel them, someone told me these things over and over again? Or maybe just because it is that way?

Does a child actually think these things about itself, just like that?

Does a child grow up knowing these things, just like that?

Does a child decide that it was better not to exist at all, just like that?

Does a child hide in its own little place away from „home“, because it is scared to return home, just like that?

Does a child turn up at school drunk, just like that?

Does a child „forget“ almost everything about its past, just like that?

Does a child fall asleep at school, because it's the only place somewhat safe enough to fall asleep, to lose control at all, just like that?

Does a child tell lies again and again, just like that?

Does a child hide its face from everyone, just like that?

Does a child get scared, whenever someone gets close, just like that?

Does a child stop feeling itself, just like that?

Does a child not know who it is, where it belongs, just like that?

Does a child not feel welcome at all, anywhere, just like that?

Does a child keep running and running throughout its life, not knowing where it goes, just running away from one place after the other, running, but never arriving anywhere, just like that?

Does a child stop talking, just like that?

Does a child feel lost, scared, helpless, alone, just like that?

Does a child ache for company and soleness at the same time?

Does a child loses the memory for periodes of time on a regular basis, just like that?

Does a child have injuries almost always it failes to explain, just like that?

Does a child get scared to death of water, just like that?

Does a child get scared of a nice little fire, just like that?

Does a child get scared of candles, just like that?

Does a child get scared of symbols of many sorts, just like that?

Does a child get scared of music, just like that?

And when that very child grows up a little,

Does that kid cut itself, over and over again, deeper everytime, just like that?

Does that kid try to kill itself, just like that?

Does that kid push away anyone who ever gets close to it, who ever liked it, and whoever it liked, just like that?

Does that kid get scared about its own feelings, just like that?

Does that kid have strong feelings at the one moment, and none at all in the next, just like that?

Does that kid have feelings it cannot explain, just like that?

Does that kid feel trapped by everything and everyone?

Does that kid constantly have nightmares, just like that?

Does that kid stop eating, just like that?

Does all that continue to be like that until that very child, that very kid is no kid anymore?

I suppose that kid, that person is just crazy, it just is like that, nothing special about it. We should just put it away, just make sure she cannot think straight anymore. Just lock her up. Just give her drugs to make her sleep and unable to talk.

We should just keepe ourselves safe, just prevent her from thinking, from talking, from getting safe, from getting her own life. We should keep her dependent.

That's probably it. Just another crazy one to be put into psychiatry. Noone should bother thinking about her.

She just is like that, she has always been, she is a bad person, a liar. She is imagining thinks, never saying anything anyone should rely on.

I don't know what to think anymore. Am i „just like that“?