Great... I got rejected by the hospital... I am finally admitting that i seriously need help. And everybody tells me i really need to go to the hospital (especially the people in different hospitals...) because the ambulant therapy is not enough in my situation... And I end up in emergency hospitals all the time anyways... But there you dont get therapy... You just get locked up...

and then the therapy hospitals ALWAYS tell me I am not yet ready for their hospital (not stable enough and so on...) how am i supposed to get help, if noone wants to help me... They say they feel overstrained with me...

Am I just not worth the trouble? Did I do all this to myself? Is it my fault?

WHY DOES NOBODY WANT TO HELP ME?

i dont understand... what is so wrong about me?

It took me so long to admit to myself that I need help... And now I am at the point again where i tell myself i dont need help, i am not worth it, i should keep it to myself.

I am just so stupid, such a terrible person... I dont even feel like i have the right to exist...

I feel like i should fix the hole I started making into the fictive wall which i built around myself...

I feel like I should disappear... get invisible...

I failed again... I always fail... How am i supposed to keep going?

Failure after failure... What does everybody expect from me?

I feel terrible...