hi everyone,

i decided to put a message entry about this on here. In my country this is going all up and down the news, radio, TV, newspapers, its everywhere.

i cant go anywhere without hearing about it.

The sexual abuse in the catholic church....

Some of you know i am NOT in any way religiouse, i am not even a member of any church.

But this gets to me nonetheless.

Because it triggers me of course, but as well because i cant help but start wondering:

why are there SOOO many cases of abuse in the catholic church?

Is it because of the celibacy? Is it because those priests cant life in celibacy and thus take helpless children for their pleasure?

People trust their kids in the hands of the church...

And what happens to the kids? They dont learn about respect, they dont learn about not having sex before marriage, they dont learn about love, they dont learn about trust, about charity, about honesty, they dont learn anything about what the church claims to be all about...

THESE kids learn about fear, disgust, distrust, hurting people, disrespect... and so on... you all know what abuse makes of you...

There are parts in the bible, that talk in a sort of positive way about rape, about violence, so is it ok, after all, because it says so in the bible?

On the other hand, most religiouse people claim that these things should not be taken literally... (while on the other hand other parts of the bible should be taken literally, but this is another subject and not what this entry should be about)

So what is it? is it to be taken literaly after all?

Is it ok to do these things to other people? To KIDS???

this really makes me sick...

And the worst thing of all is that some church people claim in the public that none of it happened, that it is simply not true.

It took a really long time and a lot of pressure from the public until some of the church people took it seriousely...

Until some of them admitted that it is true...

Today the chairman of the bishops in this country is in the vatican to talk about it with the pontifex (whose brother by the way was in some church in whatever function of those where it happened during the periode of time [years] in which it happened...) They want to talk about it now... They might even talk about some form of compensation (abuse is and will always stay something, that you can never compensate!) for the victims, because some of the victims cant even charge their abusers anymore, because in their case it might have happened some years ago and thus falls under the statute of limitation. Rape and abuse should NEVER fall under the statute of limitation, but thats another subject yet again...

So there are constantly coming up more and more cases, more and more victims speak up about having been abused by church people. Up and down the country...

I dont get it, i just dont, it makes me sick...

There has not been until now a proper try to apologize, to acknowledge, to show respect, to do ANYTHING AT ALL for the victims.

If anyone wants to comment on this entry in any way, PLEASE dont try to convert me to any religion. I would really appreciate your comments, but please dont tell me to believe in god, or to pray for these kids or whatever... (i dont tell you to not believe in god, to not go to church, to not pray either. so i simply ask you to do the same for me.)

I wont pray for the victims, i will however send them all my good wishes and if there is any possibility i will write a letter to some public place. Maybe my radio station and ask them to read it in their program. A letter to the victims and as well to the abusers.

Thank you for reading and comments are appreciated.

Hello,

after a longer time of absence its me again.

Some of you know my relationship to my lil brother. (love him very much, feel guilty about failing him)

So now, this is the new situation:

Apparently he got arrested somehow related to drugs.

He got arrested together with two others (my brother is 18, the other two were 23 and 30).

So the following is only my guessing, because i dont know the exact charges against him.

I believe the other two were taking advantage over him, because he is still quite young and addicted.

But now the thing is, that they did let the other two go!!!

but they kept my brother.

This is unfair, how could he possibly have gotten the other two into this stuff?

he is the YOUNGEST!!! obviousely they got him into that...

WHAT the hell happens there???

I dont understand whats happeneing?

Why do the others get to leave and he is still there?

I dont understand...

And i would really like to know the charges...

He is only 18... and i failed him... its all my fault...

i feel so guilty...

and i cant even go there and find out more myself, because i cant go near that place. i cant... i cant have contact with any of my family, i cant...

so, i am failing him yet again...

i cant help him...

but i cant go, i cant, i cant do anything, what should i do?

WHAT should i do?

Hello everyone,

there has been a change in plans again... I went to the hospital on monday as I was supposed to... But a few hours later they put me on another ward telling me that i was not yet ready for the 14 week program on their ward. They told me i should rather go in a specialized hospital.

I feel like I failed... I am so weak... So stupid...

in two weeks I have an appointment in a specialized hospital in Munich. There I will have to talk to a doctor and they will see if they can treat me there. If so I will have to go there in about two months and stay for 3 months...

Now I am still in hospital and I will be released next week probably...

I feel really bad...

I have just been listening to this song and it gave me courage and told me that there will be light in my life some day. It helped me keep going. I know I will get through this day and even further and so will you :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KECk91-M-Ko

Wenn du jetzt aufgibst

Und Du hast viel zu lang
den Schatten geseh’n
und viel zu lang war
alles grau um Dich.
Du kannst ruhig klagen,
denn es reicht.
Die staerkste Seele
wird mal schwach.
Und jede Nacht,
wenn Du nicht schlafen kannst
und die Armee des Wahnsinns,
bei Dir klopft.

Wenn Du dann durchdrehst
ist’s erlaubt
Doch wer hat Dir,
den Mut geraubt.

Wenn Du jetzt aufgibst,
wirst Du’s nie versteh’n.
Du bist zu weit,
um umzudreh’n.

Vor Dir der Berg,
Du glaubst Du schaffst es nicht.
Doch Dreh Dich um
und sieh,
wie weit Du bist.
Im Tal der
Traenen liegt auch
Gold.
Komm, lass es zu,
dass Du es holst.

Wenn es auch weh tut,
so wird es doch gescheh’n.
Die dunkle Nacht
wird mal vergeh’n.

Just wanted to get something out here.

I know I am not important, I know I am not worth anything, I know I am stupid, evil and bad. But the question is, why do I feel like knowing these things? Because someone made me feel them, someone told me these things over and over again? Or maybe just because it is that way?

Does a child actually think these things about itself, just like that?

Does a child grow up knowing these things, just like that?

Does a child decide that it was better not to exist at all, just like that?

Does a child hide in its own little place away from „home“, because it is scared to return home, just like that?

Does a child turn up at school drunk, just like that?

Does a child „forget“ almost everything about its past, just like that?

Does a child fall asleep at school, because it's the only place somewhat safe enough to fall asleep, to lose control at all, just like that?

Does a child tell lies again and again, just like that?

Does a child hide its face from everyone, just like that?

Does a child get scared, whenever someone gets close, just like that?

Does a child stop feeling itself, just like that?

Does a child not know who it is, where it belongs, just like that?

Does a child not feel welcome at all, anywhere, just like that?

Does a child keep running and running throughout its life, not knowing where it goes, just running away from one place after the other, running, but never arriving anywhere, just like that?

Does a child stop talking, just like that?

Does a child feel lost, scared, helpless, alone, just like that?

Does a child ache for company and soleness at the same time?

Does a child loses the memory for periodes of time on a regular basis, just like that?

Does a child have injuries almost always it failes to explain, just like that?

Does a child get scared to death of water, just like that?

Does a child get scared of a nice little fire, just like that?

Does a child get scared of candles, just like that?

Does a child get scared of symbols of many sorts, just like that?

Does a child get scared of music, just like that?

And when that very child grows up a little,

Does that kid cut itself, over and over again, deeper everytime, just like that?

Does that kid try to kill itself, just like that?

Does that kid push away anyone who ever gets close to it, who ever liked it, and whoever it liked, just like that?

Does that kid get scared about its own feelings, just like that?

Does that kid have strong feelings at the one moment, and none at all in the next, just like that?

Does that kid have feelings it cannot explain, just like that?

Does that kid feel trapped by everything and everyone?

Does that kid constantly have nightmares, just like that?

Does that kid stop eating, just like that?

Does all that continue to be like that until that very child, that very kid is no kid anymore?

I suppose that kid, that person is just crazy, it just is like that, nothing special about it. We should just put it away, just make sure she cannot think straight anymore. Just lock her up. Just give her drugs to make her sleep and unable to talk.

We should just keepe ourselves safe, just prevent her from thinking, from talking, from getting safe, from getting her own life. We should keep her dependent.

That's probably it. Just another crazy one to be put into psychiatry. Noone should bother thinking about her.

She just is like that, she has always been, she is a bad person, a liar. She is imagining thinks, never saying anything anyone should rely on.

I don't know what to think anymore. Am i „just like that“?