I haven’t ran in over a year. Before I stopped, my coaches considered me a running abnormality. My muscular structure allowed me to run long distances (up to 58 miles) at abnormally fast pace (6.5 minutes per mile). When I ran, I pictured my childhood abuser chasing me. I started sleeping in my running shoes incase I needed to run for him. I couldn’t stop running. I ran for hours. I remember sneaking out one evening at 11pm and returning at 4:45am- I ran the whole time; I could not stop running from him. After the abuse stop- I ran harder and faster then ever. The abuse hadn’t occurred in almost 3 years to the date on the night I was raped by my (at the time) drug dealer. I haven’t ran since. I don’t know why. Today I tried to go out for a run- I couldn’t finish putting my shoes on before I started hysterically crying. Running has been such a significant part of my life; i need to do it, but i cant run from the pain anymore- I can’t run from them. I still sleep in my running shoes. Every night I have nightmares about being raped and abused. I want to feel safe again..