"Could you honestly love someone who lies?"
I was recently asked this, as a reflection of myself.
Not just myself, but also of my past actions.

You want an honest answer?
Yes, I could.
Given the right reasons as to why they did.
And under certain circumstances, most certainly.
Was it done maliciously?
Was it done spitefully?
If it was done to cause hurt to someone else,
You`re right. I can`t.

What I`ve found, though
It`s not as simple as, "Oh, they lied. That means that they`re a horrible person."
I can understand how you`d believe it all adds up.
That even the smallest lie can bring a large amount of pain.
Deceit.
Loathing.

What it seems is that you have failed to realise a few things in your anger towards me.
That a lie, no matter how big or small, doesn`t make the person.
It`s the person themselves.
It`s the person they are despite what most of society thinks of them.
It`s the person they are from their core beliefs.
From the things they actually want to do.
From the things that they believe, their own morals.
Even if they fail to act on those morals they hold so dear.
Because sadly, that`s life.
Failing to meet the standards you set for yourself.
Failing to sometimes act, even when your mind screams at you to act.
And I don`t mean in the sense of holding back and resisting to something you shouldn`t have done anyways.
I mean acting upon something you know is right.
Something you know is most effective, beneficial for yourself and others.

Yes. I can love someone who lies.
I can and will love someone who lies.
You think you`ve become completely honest?
Gotten away from it yourself?
Sweetie, I`m sorry to say you haven`t.
Even if it`s not a lie to someone else.
There isn`t a single person that doesn`t lie to themselves.

Every day, I work to accept my past.
Every day, I try to look forward to my future.
Every day, I learn to become more thankful for what I have.
Despite how hard it is to do all of those things.
However.
I refuse to let my past become my future.
I refuse to let someone continue to hold over me the things I have done.
Especially when I already regret it.
When I wish I had never done abcxyz.

I will not let my past define me.
I am not perfect.
I`ve made my share of mistakes.
I`ll continue to make mistakes.
And I`ll continue to grow.
But who I once was
And what I once have done
Is NOT who I am now.

Don`t let the bitterness of the past
Turn you blind to all I have become.
And I shall do the same for you.

I am a better person than before.
I am a better person
Than EITHER of us realise.

This is an old diary entry I found that I wrote over a year ago. I just thought I might share it.

I won`t be impatient. I won`t be greedy. I won`t give up. Because everyone takes things step by step. I`m not the only one in pain.
Not having others understand, not understanding others, both of those are awful. My life is like a blossoming flower. From the start of my youth, I want to have no regrets and treasure it.
[friend], in my heart, there always exists the [friend] that believes in me. I`m sorry for always making you worry.

Why did *he* choose me? Fate. It can`t be put into words. You can`t make people accept it. I want to make a time machine to go back to the past. If it wasn`t for him, maybe I could have succeeded in love. I want to be hugged tightly by someone. I already don`t want to say that I want to go back to that day. I want to accept the me right now, and live on.
Even though I will also be hurt by heartless glances, I also understand that at the same time gentle glances exxist. Even though it`s like this, I still want to be here. Because here, this is the place I exist.

What is wrong with falling down? Because as long as I stand up again, it`ll be just fine. If you look up at the sky after falling down, the blue sky is also today, stretching forever and smiling at me.

People shouldn`t dwell on the past. It`s enough to try your best in all you`re doing now.

For the Ones I love
Close Friend

Thinking of you
Where ever you are
No matter how close
Or how very far

We sit and stare into the sky
Whether it be day or night
Please know that even if they are not on our side
Everything will be alright

From happy moments to petty fights
If we hold on with all our heart
With all our might
Our fates are destined to collide

Even if it`s online
It`s still a precious moment in our life
Because feelings are things we can never hide
Whether it`s a tear or smile
There will no longer be a need to hide
Or let out those lonely sighs
Just lift your head up to the sky
And think of me

And what you shall find
If you just hold on
And take one step at a time
I`ll always be here
If you need my shoulder to have a cry
Even if they are only mere words
That we write
Silently,
They comfort us for a while

And hopefully
One day
We will stare up into the sky
At the same time
Only to smile
A smile
Purely created by happiness

The freshness of her new scar
Outlined in a blurry red
A faint sign to show
That it`s still new and hurting

People ask "How`d you get that?"
She says "I simply fell"
But we all know the truth
We all know it was you

You claim to be
Innocent
But secretly you
Want to be
The person who`s
Behind the door
Waiting patiently
For her to open up in fear

It`s not fair anymore
To watch her tumble down that hill
Day after day,
One new scar
More blood lost
More tears shed
Do you have any sense of
Kindness in you at all?

Obviously not

She was smiling every day
How dare you take that away

It used to be so common
Now she`s slipping away

Down into the depths of hell
Well well, what have we here
A desperate little boy
Trying to rid of guilt

You want to be
Innocent
Reality says you`re
Malicious
The person who`s
Behind the door
Waiting patiently
Before you get eaten alive

It`s not fair anymore
To make her suffer for pleasure
Day after day,
One new scar
More blood lost
More tears shed
Do you have any sense of
Kindness in you at all?

You`re a monster

She`s waiting
For her apology
She`s crying
Again...

Her eyes, telling a whole story
The story of how you abused her through everything
A porcelain doll she seems to be
A pale marionette, possibly
Her skin runs cold, pale as can be
Her eyes deep and stained red
She`s now adjusted to all the pain
Yet somehow it still stings...

The freshness of her new scar
Outlined in a blurry red
A faint sign to show
That it`s still new and hurting
People ask "How`d you get that?"
She says "I simply fell"
But we all know the truth
We all know it was you
She was smiling every day
How dare you take that away
It used to be so common
Now she`s slipping away
Down into the depths of hell
Well well, what have we here?
A desperate little boy
Trying to rid of guilt

Now look at her
Carefully
Do you see her
Smiling?

You`re a monster...

In this chilly winter snow
She`s a curled in a ball and waiting for you to save her
But you`ve turned tail and ran away,

At least, that`s what I think...

Say goodbye to the one that still cares,
Through thick and thin she would be standing,
It`s amazing that you would just throw her away
The tiny heart attacks that she seems to recieve
Whenever you bother to actually be sweet
Is she just another puppet controlled on strings?

When you went through your time of pain,
Your time of need,
The eating feeling that you weren`t accepted
Wasn`t she one who you used for greed?
If you ever knew respect,
Or maybe courtesy
Maybe you would take that hand and smile and sing
But rather you would like to lay back and smile
While she is falling to her death!

If fantasies and dreams really do come true
Then there`s a lot of stuff with her you`d do,
So many things
I can`t even start to count
The thoughts that run constantly through her head
Is driving her crazy, can`t you see?

Breathing shattered

Heart slowing

I can't feel my hands

My arms

My legs

I can't feel me

If I open my eyes,

I'm afraid I will die

If I offer my hand

Will you take it?

If you take it

I'm afraid you'll kill me

Paranoia comes along

Pulling, pulling

At my strings

You seem to be the one behind this show

Can I recreate your image?

Will you become a voice in my head?

Are you okay with

You becoming a hallucination

Once I become locked into myself,

Paralysis

My mind is my only friend

Imagination now my life

You said you wanted me

Where is that self now?

I cling to your illusion

But your temperature is no longer here

Again, this is kind of an old poem. I think many people here can relate to it.

Fly Away

I feel so alone...
I can't stop these tears
Where has it gone?..
The innocence of my years...

I'm numb.. I can't move my leg..
My chest aching
And it pounds through to my head

I want to die
Since I'm so lonely
I just cry
Repeating "if only if only"

Spewing in the bowl
And crying on the floor
Like a broken little doll
I just can't take it anymore

Fly without me
I know you can
It's too late for me to change
Can you really be happy
If the girl you love is like a can?
Always being kicked around..

Please don't look for me if I disappear
Don't search if I cannot be heard
Because I know I won't be here
Fly away... Precious bird..

I wrote this a while ago, and I found this among a few others that I never posted. Hope you like it.

Behind the Wall

The destruction you have caused
The heart you've shattered
The pain you've inflicted
As if my existence never mattered

The lies you have kept
Like promises that you broke
You're consistent with stupidity
An audible meaning whenever you spoke

When you play around
It tires me
When you laugh
It kills my energy
You drain my soul
And complain
That you have nothing at all.

You had your place
But you stuffed it up
It's not my fault
That I gave up.

I had to learn
All by myself
Instead of growing
I ran and hid.
Instead of laughing
I was crying.
I wanted to die more than I wanted to live.
So then I stopped
And dropped the smile
Blocked myself behind a wall
That I secretly wished would fall...

Because of you
I decided to hate
The very thing called me
Because of you
I'm all alone
Till the bitter end
Without a friend
Through out eternity

Where were you when I needed to be held?
Where were you when all hope was never felt..?
Where were you.
When I stopped caring about myself?
When I stopped all belief
When I was in secret grief
When my heart first broke
When I only spoke through notes?

You were never there
So why should I care?
You never fixed this heart of mine

You never knew
What I had gone through
So there's no space in this broken heart of mine

My tears kept falling
And I was calling
For some one to reach out their hand
But nobody heard
And if they did
They pretended not to understand
So they wouldn't do
What I went through,
Just to be a friend
And so..
With every thing I've done
I was alone in the end.

Standing before you
With tears that never dry
Stands the truth
That grew from it's own demise
With barely a soul
With barely a heart
With nothing to hold
But a broken shard.

And when I grew
I never knew
That life would be so shit.

But I had known
From when I was small
That you never loved me at all.
With your cruel words
That I shouldn't have heard
I grew up
Hiding behind the wall.

So now I hide
Wishing some one outside
Would find me and save me from myself
wishes spurred hope
And hope made dreams
But loneliness grew and swam in the emptiness.

By time you apologize for real
It will be too late
I didn't feel
Anything else but hate.

So when you die
I will not cry
But only praise that you are gone
And with a smile
I'll live my life

As the monster I've become.