Ok this one is out of left field and I'm probably going to get yelled at but this is not something I need right now!!
I think I'm pregnant.
Yup, 18, and possibly pregnant. I'm not happy about it. Infact I'm petrified. I know I'd be a good mother, and Kurt (my boyfriend) would be a good father. But neither of us are working. The next problem.. No one is going to hire me for 8 months or so, just to have me leave for like a year for my child. Kurt is having huge issues to finding work, he doesn't have any prior experience and he's 20 now. Not many people are hiring people who have no experience... I'm more likely to get a job than him. But now I think we're on even ground.
I want to explain something first before I get yelled at for being an idiot. We do use condoms. I'm not on the pill though... again my mother is a bit of a bitch.. yes I know patient doctor confidentiality... but my doctor is a creep and weirds me out.. he's wanted to do full physicals on me since I was like 12... But my city has doctor shortages and therefore I can't switch doctors... So I avoid this guy as much as possible, therefore now pill for me. The problem with condoms is "they ruin the sensation" ok should I have fallen for that? no, but in all honesty... it's true, even for the woman... I don't like the feel of condoms... But we sort of have to use them. So how do we do this? we have sex for a bit unprotected till he's starting to really get going, then we put the condom on. I'm really sorry that this might be too much information but it's sorta needed to explain all of this. Plus you didnt need to keep reading if you didn't want to....
Ok, so we've been doing things this way for months now.. basically since we started dating (no our relationship doesn't revolve around sex) and we've not had problems with it. both of us are clean therefore STD's aren't a problem. But suddenly about a week ago, I pretty much stopped eating. I'm down to half what I "normall" eat, and everytime I do eat I feel sick to my stomach and more often than not start throwing up. With my surgery a while ago they left a staple inside me to close off the conection between the rest of my body and my appendix, anytime there is large amoutns of expansion in my stomach the staple gets pushed around and it pokes at some other bits of my body. This is just a tad painful as you can imagine... But that's been constant for a week or so. I've also become kinda rounded in the stomach area... Ok I'm 100 pounds when I'm soaked from showering/swimming. So I'm like 90 pounds normally. I used to dance everything is flat and toned, and now my stomach is slightly more rounded. And I'm stupidly emotional. Granted there are a lot of things goig on in my life. Things is I can normally get through them, but suddenly I'm a total basket case, and crying a lot, getting angry for no apparent reason and just totally snapping at a moments notice.
I'm getting worried. I don't have a job (see previous entry) and haven't been working for around 5 months now, so I don't have a lot of money. Even a $10 pharmacy pregnancy test is a little bit more money I have available to spend... So I have no idea if I am or not. And again my doctor is seriously creepy and I don't want to deal with my if I can.
Any mother's out there... Help me! What were your early pregnancy feelings. Yes I know they all differ person to person, and even pregnancy to pregnancy but any help is appreciated. I'm scared and don't know what to do. Kurt and I have talked.. There's no way I'm aborting. I don't think it's something I could live with myself after doing. I doubt I coudl put it up for adoption, I get too attached way too quick, I wouldn't be able to hand off my baby to some other person and possibly rarely see the kid again.