I guess I don’t know why I’ve been having nightmares almost every night. It’s starting to really get to me. It’s been nearly 3 weeks and they don’t stop. It used to be when I spent the weekend at my boyfriend’s house, I felt safe enough that these dreams would leave me alone. But that is no longer.
This weekend on Sunday morning I apparently started freaking out in my sleep. It started just as sort of a twitch. He thought nothing of it, we twitch in our sleep. Reactions to an itch or something tickling us in our sleep, or the reaction to something going on in our subconscious (like a dream) only thing is a few minutes later I twitched again. Then it became almost seizure like. Only it wasn’t a seizure. Not nearly as active and “spazzy” as a seizure. Plus it almost seemed calm, if you can describe it as such. I was whimpering a little, not actually saying anything, but thing a puppy crying because he/she is scared of a thunderstorm, those were the sounds I was making. Just small little whimpers of fright. Again nothing crazy like I normally have during a nightmare. Then to finish the trifecta my breathing changed. Again nothing that would be alarming and 911 (emergency response) call worthy, but alarming for me/us. It stopped being the calm rhythmic deep breathing of sleep and this very almost violent puffing. The kind you get when you breathe through your nose during a really heavy work-out. The kind where your nostrils flare like crazy and you can hear it rasping in and out. On top of that, it was gaspy. It wasn’t regular one time it would be a very quick breathe the next would be a little slower. There was no rhyme or reason to the way I was breathing. Other times I’d just sort of stop breathing for a short while and then start again as if nothing happened.
I guess all this scared my boyfriend. I feel bad because I guess I pulled away from him in fright in my dream. He said he tried pulling me close and making him know it was him who was trying to hold me and not someone else. HE was telling me it was him (using his name) and that I was home and in bed and I was safe. All these things, using pet names, anything you’d consider to be comforting. Sounds, scents, names, textures (he always has a good amount of stubble and he ran my hand over that) you name it to try and snap me out of this. Nothing worked. Only problem was that it was starting to get bad. I was fighting an imaginary force. Something was attacking me in my dream and in reality I was trying to fight it.
He had one option, the worst option of all to wake someone from a bad dream. He had to violently shake me and literally scare me out of my dream. Thankfully he woke me, but I was terrified. I had no idea where I was or if I was safe. Each time this happens when I wake up, I will burrow my head/face incase what I just experienced wasn’t a dream. So I wasn’t aware I was at home, things smelt weird, just everything wouldn’t connect which was probably even more scary.
I think the worst part is the fact that I don’t even remember these dreams. I don’t remember I had them, I just wake up terrified for “no apparent reason” and feel exhausted. For three weeks I wake up in the morning just as tired, if not even more tired than I was when I went to bed. I’m having issues at work, and at school, and this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I’m getting worried it’s going to tear us apart. Every time these nightmares start again it means one of two things, I’m headed for a huge set back, or it’ll continue until I’m literally exhausted and sleep for an entire day. If it’s another set back, I don’t know waht I’m going to do. I can’t have another set back. The last set back was bad enough. I don’t know what to do, I;m afraid to go to sleep everynight now. No matter where I am, not even a midday nap is safe anymore, no matter where I sleep. I need help!!