It's weird, I've worked my "new" job for 6 months at the end of February. It's gone pretty good, the odd hickup here and there but for the most part it's been awesome. I love my job, the people I work with, and my regular customers. I work at a Tim Horton's (canadian coffee chain that is as well known here as Starbucks is in the States really..) and I work night shift )11pm-7am). So on weekends it's a little funky because it means I end up staying up all night and sleeping much of the day.
Problem lately has been this: over night, I'm alone. I'm usually the only one up at my boyfriend's house and so my mind gets a chance to just go a mile a minute. Normally this wouldn't be a bad thing but with Valentine's day coming up, my birthday having just passed (holy crap I'm 21, I'm officially old!!) and the one year anniversary of my friend being kidnapped it's been a tough go the last little while.
Lately I've been thinking about how far I've come since a year ago. A year ago I was with Kurt, I had just left an awesome job working in a factory making $11 and hour, 40 hours a week, 5 days a week, all weekdays. It was awesome. I guess Kurt slowly wormed his way into my head and made me feel like this job wasn't for me. He was unhappy with his job and wasn't really doing anything about it, but was wanting me to be around him to validate him not being at work and the like. As such we were not in good financial spots for my birhtday nor Valentine's day. So for both we did nothing. Hell, he wasn't a big public partier, so despite turning 20 (legal drinking age here is 19) we didn't even go out for my birthday even to the bars for a drink or two. I had more to drink on my birthday with my MOM than my boyfriend.
So a year ago, to put it bluntly my birthday sucked donkey balls. We had gone to a local pub with my mom and step-dad because they were regulars there and the pub was celebrating it's 21st(?) birthday, so we thought, hey it's a good enough reason to go out, free food, free drinks, good crowd, live music etc. But Kurt wasn't into the whole large crowd thing, so he made himself miserable there and silently pressured me into leaving after only being there like an hour.
This year, Addy, (my new boyfriend of 6 months!) was working afternoon shift at his job so he was working 2-10 everyday, and I'm working 11-7. Doesn't leave much option for partying really. So he's been kinda down in the dumps about all that since well he didn't have a chance to get me a present (I could really care less) nor had a chance to take me out anywhere for my birthday. Him being so concerned about making my birthday something that I will enjoy and remember and the fact that he feels like he's letting me down really makes me smile and my heart sing. I hate seeing him beat himself up over silly crap like this, but at the same time, it shows he cares and really wants to do anything and everything in his power to make me happy.
The other thing almost constantly on my mind is what truly broke Kurt and I up. I know deep down he cheated, maybe more than just once, I'll probably never know. I've asked him point blank a few times since he and I broke up, and he always answers that no, he never cheated. I really wish he would just come out with it and say "yes, I cheated, I'm a scumbag and an asshole I'm sorry". I'm not even really looking for the apology at this point anyway. The damage is done, and he makes me sick to my stomach.
This passed week was the 3 weeks I was supposed to go on a vacation with his family to the Carribean for his parents' 50th birthday celebration. They had been planning it since they turned 49. They decided to go on a cruise around there stopping at like a million different ports and such. I can't help but sit here and be jealous since we just finally finished digging our butts out from under a literally 1.5 foot dumping of snow overnight. It was insane. It has been windy, cold and miserable. Meanwhile they are down there and it's like +30 everyday, sunny, and well they aren't working or anything. I can't help but be a little jealous and maybe a little resentful. But I keep reminding myself of this: I'm far better off with who I'm with now, and that there will be other vacations and cruises and stuff to go on with Addy, and that I'll probably enjoy them more anyway. He's already talking about taking me somewhere for our 1 year anniversay!!! (squee!!!!)
I guess I just have too much time late at night for my mind to think of everything that's been going on. And this last week has been one of those weeks where there's a lot of things going on, both good and bad. Thanks for letting me rant. I know Addy sometimes gets tired of listening to me go on and on bitching about what seems like everything under the sun....