Hey guys.......got some news.

Next week...my boyfriend is moving in......im so excited I can barley stand it.....hes been one of the best things thats ever happend to me. He honestly has made me  so much better and so much happier...now...hes lived in another state for a while now...and a few months ago my mom invited him to move in with us. Hes getting the spare bedroom. At first I was terrified of getting close to him....intimately I mean.....because of my past.

And yeah...this is a strange thing to be talking about...but....its something I need to explain. I was really scared...that things werent going to go very well...but after talking about it and actually thinking about it...im not so scared anymore. Now...for me...thats HUGE. To be so comfortable with someone that fear of my past doesnt effect my choice in our relationship.....im sure it will at some point..but as of now...im considering and am okay with it.

Now....you see...the reason im writing this tonight...is because I was talking to my Mom about him coming next week. We were joking around and talking (she was drinking) and....what happend was...somehow we got on the subject of sex. Her saying that I was fertal and needed to make sure I was careful since SHE got pregnant the first time she had sex.....telling me she was gonna get me birthcontrol and that I needed to watch myself. I told her I got that but Its not like we were gonna be doing it anytime soon anyway...and she snorted....saying "Yeah, whatever, im not stupid" and.....I told her I was serious...and she made it sound like I would be having sex with him the night he got here.....if not then, then within the week.

I told her I was serious....that Im smarter then that....and I wouldnt just go and do something like that.....I felt like she was calling me a slut.....I told her I wasnt like that and for another thing I wouldnt do that in my parents house. I have more respect then that...and she STILL said yeah whatever....I was so insulted.....like...honestly. Im a good girl.....aside from my past I have never had anything like that......its just...I dont get it.... I was finally to the point that I wasnt thinking of myself as a whore and slut......I was finally feeling good about myself. And....now Im feeling hesitant again...its like...everytime my Mom says things like this...I question everything......I honestly am afraid of this.... when is "Too soon" to have an intamate relationship with the man I love? Whats late enough so I wont be considered a slut?

I mean....really.....I just dont know what to think anymore.....I was worried about this in the begining because of my past...but...I was past it...and now I dont know what to do...I feel like if I do ANYTHING having to do with sex im gonna be considered something im not.....

Why does this stuff ALWAYS come up in my life? Cant I just be NORMAL?

Man....this really sucks.... :(

Im sorry if this was weird...I just dont know what to do......and since my past is causing this....figured its happend to other people like me...

Thanks for reading...any advice would be much appreciated :(

Take care