Hello PWP family,
I know I havent updated in a while, and thats mostly because I have been doing so well. Things have been pretty crazy for the last few months, but mostly in a good way. And for those of you who know me, im sure appreciate an update on my healing path.
Well.....as some may know, my boyfriend of almost a year (at the time) moved in with me in April. I was very happy for it and just knew this was going to be the thing to get my life started. To help me move forward that much more. Turns out I was completely right.....he was my absolute saving grace and he still is. He made me see things I never thought I would.....like how my past isnt all that I have. My past doesnt rule my life.....he showed me I could be beautiful. He showed me a side of myself I never knew.....one that was...happy. Everyone around me said I was 'giddy' and that it was just the 'puppy love' stage and that after a while I would get out of it. They just didnt understand that I had waited my entire life for this and it was what I looked like happy. I didnt get out of it.....in fact...I just fell more in love with him and things were just amazing. Then they got better. I got pregnant.....I didnt think I could have ever been as happy as I was then.....my life was perfect in that moment. My past just didnt matter at that second. All that mattered was my baby and the man I loved. This was short lived though.....I lost the baby only two days after I found out, at 6 weeks. It tore me apart....because I was so happy and I felt that it was ripped away from me. For a few weeks I was down and hurting....and I still hurt when I think about it....but in the end....losing the baby set me on a very good path.
Losing the baby made me realize...that just because I lost it, doesnt mean I should do all the things I wanted to for the baby......I wanted to go to college, and to be successful. I wanted my baby to be brought up knowing Mommy and Daddy could do it, so he or she could do it too. I wanted to make my baby proud. I wanted to make a better life for myself and for us.
I realized that shouldnt change just because its not there anymore. Because maybe one day my baby will come back to me and I am going to be ready next time. I am going to make sure my baby has the best of everything in a house with parents that love them and protect them. And thats how its going to be.
After that happend, I had all this in mind and am taking my GED tomorrow. I am going to be better. For my boyfriend, for the baby I loved so much, and for myself.
On Sunday my boyfriend had to move back to TN. It hurts very much to be away from him, but there was just no jobs here in FL. So he moved back so he could get a job. He had an interview today and got the job! I am so excited for him and for us. Because now that he has a job, hes going to save for a little while and then I am going to be moving to TN to start my life with him in our house. From there I will go to college and get a job. We hope to have the move done by Dec. and then from there we hope to get married (within 2 years) and then have children when we know we can handle it better financially.
Thats the plan and we hope to stick to it. But we all know, life throws curve balls and things get hard.
My past does still effect me, but I am moving forward.
I hope everyone is on their own healing path and doing well.