Hello my wonderful PWP Family.....Im so sorry I havent been posting.....but things have been so crazy over the last few months....but I've got good news to share.....With everything that has been going on...I feel so much better.....I had alot of help from my beloved boyfriend....he brought me back to life. He helped me understand so many things....what happend and everything else that was going on with me...he gave me courage and confidence....he gave me love....I think thats what saved me. Even after he knew what happend to me...all he wanted to do was make me better. He helped me understand my nightmares and im glad to say I dont have them nearly as bad as I use to...and even when I do have them, they dont bother me much. I know how to handle them. My panic attacks have also gone down. Now I only have them when I am overwhelmed. I have learned that I have to walk with my head up...im better then that...I should have no shame in what happend...it wasnt my fault....hes taught me that.....he broke me down then built me back up...he made sure the peices fit together to make me a new and better person...I love him more then anything for saving me. I still have my bad days. When things get to me...like they use to...it hurts the same...but...im learning to deal with it. Me and my parents are okay...I mean....we arent really all that close...but we are civil...for the most part....we still fight and my mom still drives me crazy. but I can handle it more now....My abuser...he isnt around much anymore....hes rarley home, and that makes it easier....but even when hes around...I dont feel such anger toward him.....Im civil with him.....we are getting along better.....and im feeling much better....My friends have also been my saving grace....I told a selected few and they helped me...and loved me...they treated me no differently then they use to....and reasured me that they would always love me...it helped me learn to trust again. Without all of their help...I dont know what I would have done, Everyone I know has told me that I look so much better....so much happier.....they tell me that they have never seen me so happy...because they saw how unhappy I was.....Now that I look back on the last 6 years...I can see what they mean....I had no idea I was as bad as I was....but....now....I cant believe it....I was like the walking dead....the most being last year...Now that I try and think back on it...I find that my memory is foggy and confusing...it was so bad that...I was shut down...and now that im...happier...its very noticable....and people tell me so. When things get bad...I start to...crumble.....most of the time when things go bad for me and my boyfriend...he literally is my rock...the glue that holds me together...without him....I fall apart....I hate how much I depend on him....but I cant make myself detach myself...thats the only thing that bothers me....Im not comfortable leaning on someone....but hopefully that wont be the reason I fall....Writing and music are still a very big part of my life...it keeps me grounded...I draw as well...they are my calming activities.....I miss all of my friends here on PWP....And now that I am on the path to recovery I so desperatly hope my friends will get there as well

Another update.....me and my boyfriend....well kinda sorta was boyfriend......arent together....so.........I guess....I am on my own.....hopefully I can handle it