Hi guys...

Why do I always get say when the holidays role around? Is it because im always alone even in a crowded room? I feel like it....I feel like...everyone around me...is happy and loved. Whether with the one they love..or...just with friends and family....

I have that....I have friends and family...hell...I even have the man I love.....but hes not here right now. And he wont be around for Christmas...and...I feel so alone still. I feel like im stuck to suffer and scream, while everyone laughs and parties. I just dont get it.

Is there something wrong with me?

Why do I crave to be held so tightly that I cant help but cry?

Why do I wish it SO much more during the holidays?

Guess cause....I've never let myself have the feeling...with my past...I couldnt stand to have people touching me...but I want it so badly....just a hug....or someone sitting close beside me...just that contact. Its something I've never had. All because of my past.

It still haunts me.

Ya know...my Mom told me...that I always bring this stuff up more around the holidays. And shes right. I do because it hurts so much more when theres suppose to be love and family..and all I feel is hurt and alone.

Im so beyond messed up.....

I wish I could....just this once. Be happy on Christmas. And start off a new year the right way

Guess I have to wait for next year......

Happy Holidays everyone.

Wish you well.

Hope its everything you've ever wanted and then some.

Start off the new year right.

With a smile.