I've hit bottom. I'm terrified. I'm afraid, because I was here once before... and that was several years ago when I attempted suicide.
Everything has gone completely black. I can think my way through it all right now, and my emotions are whipping around like a hurricane.
I'm afraid that this is where sanity may slip into insanity. I'm afraid that I can't hold it off anymore.
I tell myself "Keep breathing". Just live through this moment. But I know I'm losing the will to live at all. I'm running out of the strength to fight back. I'm craving that place where everything fades away. I don't want to continue this struggle right now.
I thought by now I'd be so much further than I am. I thought if I did the right things, and kept doing the right things, that I would heal. But the pain runs too deep. And I'm exhausted.
I'm not writing this to freak anyone out. I'm only trying to be honest. Everyone says that the truth will set you free - maybe if I voice this truth it will help in some way. I desperately need some freedom. I need some hope....