sitting in the living room waiting for the people to trickle in to celabrate my birthday and everyones there and one person knocks on the door i have to open it to look at this man that is my ex-boyfriend and my babies daddy. i wanted so much to hit him and yell and i stood there in shock and i cried i just let loose of everything he did to me with a giant teddy bear in one arm and a card he remebered my birthday hes changed so much and now that hes back in ymlife i am still scared of him even though ive forgiven him i dont know how to trust him when we hang out he cant touch me he cant touch our son so now that we are back together i so badly want to trust him but old pain floats to the surface and i want to scream at him and ask him why the hell did he do this to me why would anyone do this to me and he talked to me today saying that hes here to fix what he broke to have our child have a daddy figure in our sons life. what the heck am i suppose to say to that??? im so confuzed why am i back together with him why should he se me cry and be broken what happend to everything being okay??

well in the name of the new year, i forgive you Bryce. I no longer want to go on living this wound so as i heal i am forgiving you so many times its happend with you and  i know its not right but i forgive you and i know that your going to get out of jail soon because well, you just are. i dont want you to think im weak i dont want you in my life or my sons. and for one thing i never want to see you again but Gunnison is your home town too and i ll just live with it ill be out of here in 14 months ill be 18 and moved out of this town as soon as possible this town is where you did me wrong and ill be out and gone to college so i forgive you for what you did i admit i never thought id say this but i forgive you that i can be free from this hurt. in the name of this new yr i plan on being a better person for my son and myself free from this hurt and depression i hurt my son now i am taking him to a new place in his little life im going to pay much more attesion to him and never going to hurt him by ingnoring him and im going to become a new person im a faith beleiver and change is coming .

so im new on here but this website is for healing and i do want to heal i'v bottled it up for so long and my family doesnt know becuase well my family could send me back to the adoption unit anytime they feel so i am always at a temporary home till im 18 then i will live on my own or my with my biological brother the last member of my family left. my mom died of cancer, my dad i dont know who it is becuase after he got my mom knocked up he split from the family. my family used to consist of my two twin older brothers one named jason the other one jessi. jason died over in iraq jessi is still living and i see him every few months. jessi(alive)27 jason(dead) 27, then there is my older sister heather who commited suicide in august she was 22 years old. then there is me(summer,16, alive) then there was lilli( my twin,16, dead) my twin lilli comitted suicide after she was raped by her now ex-bf now there are uncles and aunts and cousins but they dont talk to us. jessi and i are the two sibilings left.