first of all i have been having a crappy year and glad its almost over. he called me the other day but he didnt call for me he called to talk to his son. what? does he really thing that im going to let him talking to him ya...not!! even if i yell,scream,use a demanding voice he still has me frightend. i cant build up enough strength to block that voice that attacker that hurt but i know hes locked up still but i know what he can do what strings he can pull. that boy know how to hurt but i have faith he picks plan B talking to him why i dont want to but pleading asking him what he wanted so i can plan my next move. he said plan A is coming back here plan B is joining the marines i hope he does i dont care where he is as long its far away from me and my son. he had his chances to know him and instead of meeting him he hurt his momma so his chances are up i feel bad that my son has to live a life with out his father but i know he can survive. i hope this is a right desision. i  you richard ethan adcock-cortlynne my baby son may god keep us safe 

well in the name of the new year, i forgive you Bryce. I no longer want to go on living this wound so as i heal i am forgiving you so many times its happend with you and  i know its not right but i forgive you and i know that your going to get out of jail soon because well, you just are. i dont want you to think im weak i dont want you in my life or my sons. and for one thing i never want to see you again but Gunnison is your home town too and i ll just live with it ill be out of here in 14 months ill be 18 and moved out of this town as soon as possible this town is where you did me wrong and ill be out and gone to college so i forgive you for what you did i admit i never thought id say this but i forgive you that i can be free from this hurt. in the name of this new yr i plan on being a better person for my son and myself free from this hurt and depression i hurt my son now i am taking him to a new place in his little life im going to pay much more attesion to him and never going to hurt him by ingnoring him and im going to become a new person im a faith beleiver and change is coming .

my sons daddy is in jail for what he did to me from the age of 11-16 years old. He is in there for 16 months thats all they are charging him for thats fucked up in my opinion but i cant do anything else about it. well the point that i was addressing is that my sons daddy is sending him letters and notes to him i had four letters this morning that were addressed to him, the other thing is that i dont think he can do that i tryed to keep him from every knowing about his dad and all he wants to know is where he is and he want to meet my son i dont think i can handle that much less my son what do i do ?

i've decided that if i want to move on with this situation that has overwhelmed me for over the past 6 years of my life i am changing everything for myself healing and am going to change the pain in my room and stop fight alot with my parents spend more time with my son stop being sad all the time changing my hair olor and style. going to switch my my peircing to colored bars/gages/rings instead of just black going to let this change be postitive i have suffered enough i am ready to move on i am 16 years old and change needs to happen from the time i was 11-16 there have been many hurts and i plan on moving forward to keep this as my biggest resolution that with many others. i have accepted christ in my life and that has helped me alot to study the bible to heal these wounds well just a tidbit i wanted to share with my PWP family

FAMILY

Forget

About

Me

I

Love

You

so tonight is christmas i am suppose to be happy my little boy is put to bed after santa came last night and left presents and he had such a good day now as the night enters i cant sleep i can't everytime its hard not to  see him and i am already starting to show the bruises again i want to know how to sleep with out having to take stage 4 narcotics and sleep to get some rest any suggestions that would be great

my tital "the 8 mistakes" are my rape cases and they all were with the same guy over the years these memories that i have of what he did to me. but i know that he is locked-up and he cant get me physically anymore. emotionaly and mentally when im sleeping yea thats another heartbreak. so i will tell this community my stories becuase i want to tell my story maybe i will heal. so my stories are deap i have my age and his age and what happend from memory.

mistake # 1: i was 12 he was 17, i was in the city market parking lot a strange guy came up to me pushed me up against the side of my truck and he raped me a few hours later my biological brother jessi found me laying in my truck cab. from memory i remember what he looked like i knew before he attacked i asked him what he wanted and said that he could take my money my truck anything just leave me unharmed. i was mad but i didnt try to get free i didnt scream i just stood there. when jessi found me i didnt tell him i just kinda sat there and told him that i fell asleep.

mistake #2: i was 13 he was 18, it was him again the same guy that had raped me from the first time. i knew it just by his face he said that he was sorry he knew that i knew and so i accepted it and then i started dating him gosh i was so stupid. after we'd been dating 2 weeks he raped me again although at the time i didnt think of it as rape.

mistake #3: i was 14 he was 19, i was still dating him still and i just started the sixth grade. i got to mee his parents for the first time at his parents that night and so instead of going home i stayed at his house. that night nothing happend that night but while living with another new family so i went over to his house like it was my 2nd home. one night he just pinned me down and  and i didnt move so i layed there and cryed i was in shock thinking he wouldnt do it agian i didnt fight against him. this on he got me pregnant he stayed through the pregnancy. after the birth he split  i kept my son for a year  the rest of my sixth grade and my 7th grade year living with one of my best friends she was 18 at the time and she said that she would adopt him. i was thankful for that because i kept it an open adoption so i could se him.

mistake # 4: i was 14 still,he was 19, he poped back up in my life all apologetic little did i know it was fake and i wanted a boy friend so much cause i was popular when i was dating him. so my new foster family wanted to meet my boyfriend and so my dad took  all of us out to dinner, after dinner i was driving my family home my foster dad wanted to know where he lived so while my foster mom and siblings stayed at the house i drove to my boyfriends. getting out of the truck to hug my boyfriend goodnight my foster dad grabbed me and him and my boyfriend bound me in the back seat with the seatbelts and the took turns raping me and while on was doing it the other one pistol whipped me that was my fault though i always kept a shot gun and a pistol in my truck and they both used it to there advantage. jessi found me beaten and bruised and that when he found out about the other ones.

Mistake # 5,6,7: so i was 15 and he was 20 i was once agian back with him because i wanted to be popular and so we were dating. i was just starting my freshman year i was excited. and i though he could change. i was at his birthday party and he had two of his best friends there we all were supposed to go muddin my boyfriend was driving out in the middle of nowhere and his first buddy put a dog collor on my and him and the other guy shoved me into a K-9 kennle and they took turns raping me and so the summer i knew i finally didnt care about the popular group anymore the middle  of the summer of somphmore year i was done  broke it off and i started cutting and got depressed i only thought my happiness is wheni play my musical instuments so when i cut myself i would either play my drums,acoustic, or violing and i sang. my sophmore year was upon me and i started partiing more and cutting i was in denile thinking everything was fine until the night came and i releived all the cases and i didnt sleep most nights i would stay awake drinking or smoking pot figuring if i didnt sleep and i was tripping everything was good. my foster parents that year knew they couldnt control me so they put my back in the system so jessi adopted me and made me behave it was hard to quit cutting and partiing all the time but i did it .

mistake # 8:  my sophmore year had just ended and i was doing well i was into rodeo, my band and my poetry i was ling well i had my older brother looking out for me and my best friend came up here and it was the summer before my junior year and she came with my son which i hadn't seen in years so she lived with us and i raised him all summer and when summer was coming to an end i had one last rodeo which was a local rodeo and i went and then i saw his face my son was muttin busting. i told jessi and my best friend to take my son i was going to give him a peice of my mind yea that went over just peachy he raped me in front of everyone it took 4 police men and an EMT person to get him off me he got his last hurt done with i was put in the ambulance and taken to the local hospital where i stayed under a drug induced coma for 3 week from the broken parts of my body because basicly i was a tuga war rope between him my brother and the first responders there trying to get me away from him i  passed out halfway through it thank god.

there i feel somewhat better now that my story is out in the open.

so im new on here but this website is for healing and i do want to heal i'v bottled it up for so long and my family doesnt know becuase well my family could send me back to the adoption unit anytime they feel so i am always at a temporary home till im 18 then i will live on my own or my with my biological brother the last member of my family left. my mom died of cancer, my dad i dont know who it is becuase after he got my mom knocked up he split from the family. my family used to consist of my two twin older brothers one named jason the other one jessi. jason died over in iraq jessi is still living and i see him every few months. jessi(alive)27 jason(dead) 27, then there is my older sister heather who commited suicide in august she was 22 years old. then there is me(summer,16, alive) then there was lilli( my twin,16, dead) my twin lilli comitted suicide after she was raped by her now ex-bf now there are uncles and aunts and cousins but they dont talk to us. jessi and i are the two sibilings left.