It's been a really long time since I've been here, and I hope you are all doing well. I decided to log on tonight to share with you something that I've been struggling with for some time, and which I think I've overcome, in the hope that it might help even just one person who's in a similar situation to me.
Some of you will know that I've been dreading the time that my son asks why he doesn't have a daddy like everyone else in his class. Until recently I've managed to get away with a simple answer, which was that all families are different and that some people have both parents, some have one or the other, some are raised by other family members etc. and that this was just the way our family is; just me and him. He turned 8 a few months ago and last week he told me that he wanted to know more about how our situation came about.
I found a book online that is called "Why don't I have a daddy?" and I ordered it to read along with him. The book was based on the circumstances of donor conception, in that a "very kind and generous man" gave a doctor one of his seeds, and the doctor gave it to me so that I could use it to make my baby. The man wasn't allowed to tell the doctor his name, because he wasn't in a position to look after a family, but he was so kind and generous that he wanted to help another person to have a family. He doesn't know that the seed was given to me, and that I used it to make my son, and we are not able to find out his name, because he didn't tell the doctor, so we will not be able to meet him. It's a bit like when a very rich person gives a lot of money to a charity to help other people who are very poor, but the rich person doesn't tell the charity that the money is from them, because the important thing is that the money is used to help the people who need it; it's not important who gave it to them. In the same way, it's not important who gave the doctor the seed, the important thing is that mummy was able to use the seed to make a precious child.
I know it's not ideal to have to tell untruths to a child, but I think that this approach was the kindest and most gentle I could come up with, to protect him from finding out that he was conceived through his mummy being hurt so badly. I desperately hope it was the right thing to do, and I feel in my heart that it was. I feel such relief having had this discussion with him and now being able to stop worrying about what to say, and I feel that in a way I have achieved some sort of closure.
Take care everyone, and thank you all for your support