i realize that all of us been through a lot but to be cure we need to reach out and tell ourselves is our faults or its there .Well l am here to tell you that it not your problem and granted you did you through it and it hurt beyond anything but stop and look at what you have been through  and see if you can claim what that person did to you or step back and just take attention,l have  been through cancer sincer 2001 and l thought it was everybody fault in what l choice to go through and one day l woke up and realize that it was something in message toward me andthat l need to learn what l need to learn in which l have been cure few time in the cancer and this time is a longer time and l get poison in  my veins everyday and l take pills all day long and l wtill do what l have to do with my family even though they treat me like  mean  but its not my problem its there because l am ready for the Lord to call me but l need to others to respect in my way of thinking we are perfect and l know a a quarter  has 2 side the head for the good and the tail for he bad but one thing nobody can do is take it apart and thats what we are doing in our lifes and if we just deal with each side of the coin ; bet we can join as one by having to deal through all of this storms and never alone and we need to team up l see this everyday in who l wrk with an dl would love to have buddy so when l am down l would have someone to talk to  we are the world tha God made and this Planet is dying and we need to make that promise to help each others then words because words are as cheap as votoing for president if you know  what l mean just be careful for the steps you take alway look back and ask if l go the other way would that would be better l only write because l am not  writing for pity but by l sharing my cancer with you all and l do not wish to end my life l would love you all write to me that you won't l surely care and love each one of even though l do not know who you are but l know this planet has a lot to offer we have to make that glory like l am l am writing a book for to go to heaven and its call glasshouse of love and anybody l met or talk to l will have them in my book  so when l go up to heaven l will show all what a wonderful humanbeing l got to meet and that would put me in a stronger mode to continue to live so l can see my daughter to get married so l ask you all will you help me and that l can get to where l can see sabrina to get married l need your streghth which right now l am very weak and l love you very much and l know this will work if you hold me hand love and peace to all mankind 

Last November 2009, the doctors told me that l have cancer that they needed to remove the whole arm pit on the left side he told me that we will be on the or at least 10 hours and l did that all myself ,my own family didn't stay or call until the  nuse said she is ready to pick up like l was n order at a fast food Well the operation was done and l got lypdema really bad and lam in pain 24/24 a day and l can't sleep when l do and wake up l do not feel my arm so l went to my doctor that we need to do something with this problem soon l do not want to get use to contol pills thats not me. Last night l went to the hosptal and the doctor had to give me 2 different pain shot and it did touch me at all so now l have to look for another doctor that will do the work of another doctor mess and fix my arm l am a very strong person but l feel so alone because my own family that said they would be here is looking to me cook,clesn and anything that mom does at haome but my body is so died l do one thing and it takes me 2 days to recover and l am only 46 years old  so if you leave in the southern calfornia and know a doctor in plastic please let me know l have been looking for one and l can't find one and that why l am at the road in which way should l turn can you help me love you all and share the peace

l have been writing my thoughts for 18 years onmy son Phillip because he is what made believe that they is hope at the end of the tunnel,and yet the world remain the same way l am not a perfect mother but Phillip been 21 year old and my first born l am so confuse about him that at time l wish l could talk to someone about phillip and that when l say l am leaving to have an operation the first words are l really truely hope you die l have been so hurt but did't let  him see me cry, a little back ground in 2001 l had breast cancer and been down hill ever since and  last nov 2009 25th the took my whole underarmpit out anf l have been having a lot of problems and the pain is so much l wish some could give me some thing to sleep for my to heal but instead the insurance company just told me that l can get my operation amy place in the usa so l decide to go to Illinois since my father is an retirer doctor and he could talk to my doctors so l can get good care Now this what l need help and l am so confuse  my son bout 4 weeks ago was living with us and then moved in a women house which was muy phillips friends then he thrown out and now back there.well l was told on Friday after my doctor new that he can't never talk,call or if he sees me he has to walk the other way or he will be knocked out, l did call the l;ady that has my son and just plan told her his my son and you will never have the relationsip that l have with your son because l showed a lot of love and with him being so abuse and put in an coma my son will never for get that amoung other visitors he had when he as in coma but l will anyway on Friday the doctor told me that the cancer is back on it between my unpitted underarm and left breast its a the size of a plum it doesn't hurt but it is noticest and you can feel it l rather not get treatment because l get sick, and who will watch sabrina do not say my husband l will laugh l really do not know what to do l am so tirer that l do not get anyrest and my day,weeks, months and years are one big cloud and it won't slow down, nowl donot have a son because of the is women then l have my  husband that do not care about nobody but himself and my baby sabrina l just do  not know what l can say that she is going down the bad path in which what she sees from her brother and dad l need answers in what to do with the operation but l am so tirer of this cancer and l never get a break woith my illness thank you and love and peace to all 

To all My brothers and Sisters,We all come from different walks of life, we have come this far in our paths and struggles that at times we forget how we got to this point and yet there are so many on this planet that are so lost that l wish we could take the time and really look at the friends and family we have, a lot of you do not know who l am but l have been through cancer for 4 times and in November of 2009 the day before thanksgiving they removed my left arm pit and they cancer lump was all over,my strenghth comes in who believed in me and l can tell you l am very in my faith but l do believe if l couldn't have done anyof this if God didn't send me certain people that l have met  it was the words and it was more then that it was the ablity in trusting in my inner core of my soul the last words that was said to me  if you believe in something  then you have to give it away for you  to get what is need for you  so l took what l friend in FB said and l gave it away and l recieved a wonder of confusion and was wondering when l was going to recieve what l gave away, so l put it out my mind and then l recieve something that nobody can give but in believing in what was always there and thats trusting and direction for life and l got the best gift that and thats my life with out cancer and my recovery has been such pain but it was all of you that kept me going, it was you that had wonderful words and thought to all, so l have learn one thing during my battle there will always be someone else alot worst then what you have gone through/or yourself you have to love yourself in order for others to love you  you are the example of all the followers in this planet  Your words are a flashlight to light the path ahead of us and keep me  from stumbling, Be with wise men and become wise Be with evil men and become evil,There are friends who pretend to be friends but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother l hope my story will give you the same strenghth in believing in what can be so sweet and so wonderful that your testamony can be share  We all strruggle,feel depress,worry,frustration and impatience and thats ok to feel like that but remember that will always be someone like me that will be there to tell you that you are my sister or brother and l love you and we will walk through that stuggle together l love each and everyone of you are all are so special and l have you  next to my wing when you need to talk just look me up and l will be there love you

EMAGINE GOLDERN FLOORS THAT NEVER NEED TO BE SWEPT

LIVIN FREE FROM WORRY OR CARE NO PAIN,NO FEAR,NO DISPAIR

A HEART SET APART FOR GOD TO DRWELL

FREE OF REGRETS,SOME HE HEALS ,SOME HE LEADS HOME

BUT EARTH IS NO WHERE

COMPARED TO THE LOVE FOUND IN HEAVEN

SHARE THE LOVE, JOY,PEACE AND UNDERSTAND OF OTHERS  AND THEIR FEELINGS WHEN THEY ARE IN SUCH NEED WHEN THIS EARTH HAS HARM THEM IN A  WAY THAT THEY CAN BE HELPED BY THEIR SELVES  SO SEND THEIR OWN HEALING TO BE REJOICED UPON THEIR TIME  GO OUT AND AT LEAST SHARE THE PEACE    THANK YOU FOR HEARING  MY SPIRITUAL THOUGHT

It was in 1991, In a small town on a miltary base which we live in. My son was 3 years old and he was riding his bike by some garages where we park our cars. There was other children with there moms out. I told my son I need to do in to use the restroom that my neighbor would be watching I went in the apartment and was gone no mopre then 5 minutes and when I got outside I ask my neighbor where is my son and she said he around the garage I went to see where by the garages and all I saw was his and my son was gone. I yelled for him and so did the other moms well 30 minutes went by and nothing I was beside myself, because my husband was overseas and I didn't really know anybody but that one neighbor her son plays with my son and she couldn't find her son well I was so hopeless because my son was only 3 yrs old and her son was 5yrs old we ended to call the police and there were 20 police car (mps) and My husband unit came to help a search for two children missing I was interview and so was the other mother well the search got bigger and they put the base on lock down. I ended in call my own family that lived in the midwest to come as soon as they could come They ended to call the american red cross to call my husband that theres emergency at home but they didn't explain so he didn't come home like killing someone in fact he thought that l was sick well we are now talking about 2days has gone by and the seach parties teamed up in 8 hour on 8hours off but 4 teams to keep my mind as much off what was happening the command wanted mr make food for the search parties which they would bring me the food and l would make with the other mom that had her child missing but it was the hardest part of my life when l was young on the 5th day they found the 2 boys tighted up in a double locked garage both boys need the hosptal and they wouldn't let me see my son because of the type abuse and condition of the garage my son and the other boy left to hosptal  and the police sat us down and said that both boys were sexual abuse, they were burn from cigar mark from the waist up and they haven't eaten or drink for those and they were in bad shape so they wanted us to wait until the doctor got to see the boys and that we had some type of support from a medical staff.We did what we were told and when we got to see our children . we were airlifted to northern hosptal in the bay area for the degree of the burns. well l knew that my husband was on his way and how my son looked was so bad that l didn't know what to do but to pray so l got on my hands and knees and l was talking out loud in helping us to get through this and that my son will heal and have a less memory of what this man did to him or the other boys my son was asleep and l just continued to pray with my arms up in the air and someone grab my hands and said YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY WHAT HAS HAPPEN TO YOUR WON'T MAKE HIM LESS OF A MAN AND YOU NEED TO KEEP THE FAITH when he got done and walked toward my son it was Michael Jackson and my heart was beating really fast and he helped me up and we gave each other hugs Michael was so wonderful and very caring l realize that alot of people dislike Michael for the 1993 and 2003 toward children but l can asure everyone thats not what l saw or feel. He talked me and l had to explain to him what happen like l'm sharing with you He was crying and  holding my hands he was so shy and very soft voice his kindness was so real that l thought l was sleeping. That day has changed my life for ever  Michael Jackson made me to be a different women that l am today he taught me in order to understand what your went through you have to forgive the man that did this to your son because your son won't heal if there isn't any love once you do that  you will see the joy that your son has toward you loving but forgiving heart . Now my son is 21yrs old and he remembers he was in the hosptal and met Michael Jackson and how michael played and give him a kiss on his forehead but through counciling he realizing about the abuse and MJ was correct about the forgiving heart for healing  so l say its hard what ones go through but in order for you to have closure or  healing you must forgive now the man that did this to my son is in a jail on a base on the east coast finshing his sentence but will serve at least 3 to 4  yrs on the outside of the base so all togther is 28 yrs behind bars and the healing started when they got this man sentence  and my son is the man today and he been paying it forward in the way mj did for him  so share the peace and love to all  this world is in its last days and we can't waste time because we can make that diffence   love you all