I posted an experience I had with my mother recently when I reported the abuse and a few survivors shared their stories too. Thank you very much because it helps to know I'm not the only one. Because of those stories I had an open dialogue with my daughter and apologized for not successfully leaving our abuser who sexually assaulted the both of us. I knew my daughter had been sexually harmed by my ex and reported the abuse to the Child Protective Services and the police but nothing could be "verified" and I was left to fend for myself in this awful system. Over and over again I called for help to protect myself and my children and the system just buries victims in doubt and disbelief. I never once doubted my daughter's disclosure but I wasn't quick in acting for fear he would kill us and I was young and a mess from the abuse. This is not an excuse just a reality that I didn't have the tools or knowledge in protecting us as I do now.
How do I ever forgive myself ? My daughter has already forgiven me (I think) and moved forward. I told her she was brave and that she never deserved the hurt she went through. One thing that perplexed me is what my daughter said last night and that was, " Mom, you are not as angry at dad as I am. " I told her that I was very angry and she said that it didn't seem that way. OH MY GOSH! I was heartbroken that she didn't feel I was justifiably angry. I explained to her that I need to remain strong and put my emotions aside but if she knew how angry I was that it wouldn't be appropriate for her to see since she is still too young. I told her when she is grown up we can talk all about how angry I really am. She seemed happy to know that I am feeling angry too. Thank you survivors for your stories. I hope when my daughter grows up her outcome will be good because I supported her the best way I know how. If you have any suggestions I would appreciate them all.
Blessings to you all!
Mandee
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