i really dont think i should be doing this i dont know if its really helping. yestrday i faught so hard with my self to remember as much as i could to write that story. last night when my husband came home i would even kiss him hello. i felt afraid as if he had done something to me. i felt nauseas upset and down right wrong.i barely slept much. layed in bed at 11 and finally slept at 2 then had horrific nightmares, it was like reliving it all. it was sooo terrible. and when the dream became to much i woke up in a panic which forced a panic atttack so bad my husband wanted to call an ambulance. but i refused, that man has leftso much damage onme i dont think he realizes... hes a terrible man.. and i hate him i wish he never came into my life.. if god knows everything that happens why did he allow this man to do this to me.. didhe want me to feel this much pain. i cry so hard all the time. i dont want to anymore. sometimes i just canthold on, im on the edge of existence.,