wow its been forever!! well thought id come on and give this a real chance. alot has happened since i left this site. i never took the meds i was supposed to take. im actually doing great surprisingly. im healing on my own. unfortunately my relationship fell apart but its repairing itself little by little. ive changed alot and im very happy bout that =). im not dependent on anyone to help me anymore. ive gotten throu a huge bump in the road and i feel accomplished and amazing. yea theres still a hole in my chest from my past but i honestly think its getting filled back in. i no longer give this man power over my life nor the power to make me miserable. i do not dwell on the past at all, its all behind me. i also thank god for the amazing strength that i have recieved. my daughter is very well. shes on vacation in dominican republic with family. very well loved and missed. i can say i will definitely be the mother she deserves and needs. my hubby is great. we work on our problems everyday and we are mending the broken pieces.. all will be fine from now on im sure of it.. thank you for listening, and thank you for the support you have ever given me.

                                                               till next time Nani aka KayCee( new name i go by.)

 havent been on this site in a while. have been feeling lost and confused, seems when i feel like im getting better i just start all over again. lots of things have happened in the past few weeks that im not comfortable with saying but its pretty horrific, maybe not for anyone else but definitely for me. im bieng pushed to start my medications which is something i really dont wanna do. its been a few months since i found out i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder post tramatic stress disorder and disassociation. i been trying to learn how to deal with all this and my past with out meds but i dont know if i can any more. i recently became addicted to alcohol and drugs but i realize that i have much more important things than to constantly run away from everything by getting high and drunk. its day 3 off off drugs and alcohol and it drives me nuts to have to face all of this sober. but my daughter deserves a mother not a rehab bound women. so with all this happening including the recent issues, i believe i am going to lose my mind soon. ive been having grown up tantrums> screaming crying throwing things braking stuff , cursing unbelievably and havent been talking communicating with my hubby. i feel like a zombie lately. thought i would get better but it seems like its only gonna continue to get worse. really need some help right now.