Suck in the smoke,

hold your breath,

and await the delutions.

Just like he did.

Pour the shot,

take it straight,

and await the hangover.

Just like he did.

Line it up,

snort it in,

and await the addiction.

Just like he did.

Take the needle,

inject you arm,

and await the scars.

Just like he did.

Take the cigarette,

it all started here,

and await the end of your life.

Just like he did.

You felt me,

you looked me in the eye.

Said you loved me,

could it be a lie?

You kissed me,

it made me want to fly..

You fucked me,

and then you said goodbye.

I remember back when I held my breathe when I smelt smoke;

now I'm addicted to cigarettes.

Back when getting drunk was stupid;

now I drink every weekend.

Back when boys said they loved you and meant it;

now they said it to get laid.

Back when someone said "I'm growing plants." I thought flowers;

now they grow drugs.

Back when "getting lucky" meant having good luck;

now it's having good sex.

Back when I cried because that one boy didn't like like me back;

now I cry about rape and abuse.

Back when people called me fat and I said: "At least I can eat cookies.";

now I barely eat anything.

Back when old, marride men talked to you 'cause they were neighbours;

now they secretly offer you money for sex.

Back when strangers smiled at you to be friendly;

now everyone wants something.

Back when I brought my teachers the flowers I'd find on the playground;

now my middle finger's in the air when they turn their back.

I remember those days.

Back when everything was simpler, happier.

Back when I was happyier.

Back when I actually liked who I was.

Will I drink away my sorrows,

and forget my yesterday?

Will I scream at my children

for simply being born?

Will I lay passed out on the floor

while my husband rapes my daughter?

Will I kick out my children,

Because I love Vodka more?

Will I feed my babies wine,

and tell them it's grape juice?

Will I scream at thin air

believeing someone's listening?

Will I slit my wrists and

beg my kids to kill me, in a drunken rage?

Is it true mother?

Will I be just like you, someday?

I was falling so quickly,

I was slowly starting to drown.

Though I tried so hard to scream

I couldn't make a sound.

When I looked up through the water

your face is what I found.

But even when you reached out your hand

I let myself sink down.

I ran those empty streets,

while the rain poored down.

Barefoot and braless,

people stared at me.

I walked the paths in the dark,

until the lighting began.

I found myself that nice little bridge,

and sat alone underneath.

Found that bottle and smashed it,

then picked out the sharpest piece.

As I ran that glass across my wrists,

I saw your face in my head.

That day I knew you were broken,

and you were breaking me.

So I left when you had kicked me out,

I didnt fight to stay.

So when I slept under that bridge that night,

I knew I needed to find somewhere else.

One day I'll find that place,

I'll go far away from you.

And you wont cry for me mother,

not with that bottle in your hand.

You were never there when I needed you.

You were passed out in that chair,

and you can stay like that forever mommy,

Because I'll make it out of here.

I understand now Daddy,

Why you left so long ago,

Mommy is an evil person,

Addicted to the bottle.

I'm leaving too Daddy,

Cause I hate it here.

She looks at me with disgust,

So I'll just disappear.

I'm just a failure to her,

She'll be happier this way.

She wants me to leave,

She tells me everyday.

So I'll be like you Daddy,

And leave without a sound.

Because everything is better,

When I'm not around.

When the lights go out,

that's when I see you.

Please don't leave me in the dark.

I feel your presence,

your in here with me.

Bad things happen in the dark.

Your my cousin.

You should protect me,

but your what I'm hiding from.

And you know

I'd pull the trigger,

but I dont have a gun.

So I'll just close my eyes real tight,

and hope to disappear.

Cause even though your far away,

I'll always feel you here.