I will miss talking to my friends and others here as im moving tomorrow and will be off line for about 10 days untill my internet provider changes my new number for my broadband. I will be in touch as soon as i can take care.

linda

Why try and help me,

Why try and care for me,

So much anger inside,

So much danger beside,

Im to bad to help,

So fucked up inside,

I dont wont to hurt,

i wont to help your hurt,

Dont fuck me around,

Dont im bound,

To be in pain,

Nothing to gain,

Just feel the pain,

With nowt to gain,

I live in pain,

I live with dread,

Im little and dead,

Your little not dead,

You are strong,

You are bright,

Just carry the fight,

You are bright and free,

You try and be free,

I try and be free,

Not easy being free,

linda

The little one is scared,

The big one is scared,

They dd not care,

They dont care now,

Why should they care,

Why should they dare,

 am no good,

Just a piece of wood,

Hallow and bare,

No one cares,

This cross to bare,

When no one cares,

I be no good,

Just a piece of wood,

Very small sex toy,

Just have your joy,

Im just a toy,

For you to enjoy,

Im only six,

You wont your fix,

You fuck my life,

i  have no life,

You always said,

Not me some one else,

There was no one else,

Just little me,

Go have your fix,

Enjoy your fix,

Just fuck the toy,

For you to enjoy,

The toy is young,

You like then young,

She wll not tell,

It was her fault,

All filled with guilt,

All filled with hate,

Im not your mate,

Im just a chld,

linda

So small and your daughter,

So small and you hurt her,

But why shes your daughter,

So why did you hurt her,

You may be dead,

Your daughter feels dead,

So why when in bed,

Did you have to hurt her,

After all shes you daughter,

To love not to hurt her,

Your are her father,

Take care of your daughter,

you dont have to hurt her,

Why did you not love her,

You had to hurt her,

Shes only your daughter,

To love and to hold her,

As father and daughter,

Not father and sex toy,

She daughter not sex toy,

To love and cherish,

Not play  with and tarnsh,

Shes small and little,

Not a game like skittles,

So small and alone,

Alone and feels dead,

Like you are all dead,

She to youg to be dead,

Shes dead in her head.

linda

Its time for bed

Go lay your head

Its time to sleep

For child of six

You are so young

You need to be strong

Its time of night

The time is freight

Footsteps you hear

Hes getting near

He now appears

You try to hide

But cant not hide

A child of six

He gets his fix

You have to touch him

He then touches you

He should not touch you

He says its ok

You lay there scared

now will he dare

Its time for sex

But im only six

i need my fix

Who cares your six

The child cant sleep

Its only bad dreams

Thats what you say

so dry your eyes

and go byebyes

Next time you know

he wont be alone

At age of nine

its time for more

Its not just one

then open the door

Its time for three

Why is it three

it is no fun

when on your own

so make it fun

more is fun

Three it will be

But the child is scared

the child is scar

why do you care

you do not care

cause no one cares

you face the fear

its not clear

Why it appears

you are a child

Who grows up fast

maybe outcast

no one cares

for night of fear.

linda

like the child waiting in the night

for warm hards and armsto wrap

themselves around your loanliness

to spend yourself in tears of suddensafty and love

we,too, in the darknessof self unloved

unanchored,abandoned,and deined

still sumon with silent cries

the ancient hope

the old sure magic of wontedness

The child does live with in me

with the eager hurt of innocience of bewilderd

and betrayed, ah the painfull paradox

to feel the secure,and know they is none

drived by old dreams, pale yet powerful

try to remember the soft dear touch of love

we wait, we always wait

its forgotten- that nameless need

they have beaten from the wasted hearts

like some unshaped evil force

it beackons, crowds are reality

blunts stiff reasons

are i grotesque with helpless wanting

turning my mind,inwards and backwards

dull to is the pain with young memories

that are weaken and defy

submit then die

we do not live

we wait in such unhope

linda

Im going to move for good away from the house i was abused in and being with two of my abusers, if things go well i should be in my new house on the 19th Nov, untill then im having a hard time as my mother is trying to emotionaly blackmail me to stay,becase she has lung cancer then she says i should be there for her. Sod that she never cared about my father abusing me to stop him so why the hell does she think i should take care of her go to hell  like fuck are im going to, you say you love me but you never showed it no you just say it to make me stay but im not so get used to it.

linda

Two of my cats had to have there booster injection today all went well till i was bringing them back home. One of then exscaped from carring basket at 4pm thought i had lost her as well live near the forest, tried to could not. So i went back to try and find her at 5pm no luck when i called her she answered but could not find where she was. Came home at 5.30 had dinner then 6.30 went back to were i lost her, same again called she would answer, i was not going home till i found her this time. Looked in the woods because i knew she was there someware her replys got louder got over a fence to floor of blackberry bushes and at last there was my baby my cat had gotten under the blackberry bushes scared was happy that i found her they mean everything to me. Thank you sheba for letting me find you.

My father told me if it was not me he sexually abused it would be someone else, it was what familys did and i would split up the family if i ever told, was i that bad evil that he was right to abuse me was i bad. He said he loved me but which one as a child or his lover it was my fault i got too close i hate who i am and wish i was never born no one wonted me they just used me as a toy to do what ever he wonted and when ever why was i an evil child to deserve being his lover nearly ever night for 9 yrs i cant handle this much more im better off if i just give in thats what i deserve. Sorry life sucks.

linda

I cant handle this on my own no more, therapy i wont to quit but if i do i will never get better but is very hard and cant handle it with no support . No one cares why should them, they did not wont me so why should they care why should anybody, i wont it all to end why cant we be free of the pain and the hurt.

Why cant the post get bact to work, i had everything going to move then the strikes, and i cant get the bloody transfer of equaty papers i need to get my brother to take over the morgage on his name only. Then my mother says i dont care about her even though her lungs are giving in, why the hell should i she never cared about me when i was being abused and she abused me mentally, physically so why does she think i should care like fuck do i.

linda

I wish i could just get all the pain to end, we go through so much when being abused yet we go through it worse when trying to live with it. i just wish i could end it all now and be gone with the pain but then they win. it would be simple if i never had my cats and because of them i live through the pain and the hurt but is it ever worth it. sorry linda

I did a stupid thing when i was 21 and that was to buy the house that the abuse happened, what was i thinking of and to still be with two of my abusers now im 41. I have made up my mind with the help of my therapist im going to move and be free. I have to get my share of the morgage taken over to my brother and wait for him to give me £20,000 part payment of my share of the house, and find my own home with just me and my cats. I hope by oct to be totally free.

linda

There is only one thing i live for and thats my cats because i wont trust no body with them, i have six, a 11yrs old rescured male Garfield, 1 tortieshell and white 3yrs old Lulu her sister Fifi got killed when 7 months old, 2 sisters short haired black and white Sheba, semi long haired Fluffy  5rys old, 2 Siamese sisters tortieshell Fifi, Tabby pointed Silver Siamese Shadow  2yrs old and i love them more than anything else and thats why im still alive just.

noonecares

From the age i can remember i was abused by my father when i was 6yrs old most nights he would have sex with me he did not care all he would say was, if its not me then it would be someone else, when i was about 8yrs old my two brothers was told by my father to have sex with me same any way he wonted this went on till i was 14yrs old my brothers stopped with the abuse but my father never stoppedtill i was 16yrs old. My mother did not wont anything to do with me so i was a child all alone no one to help  she would abuse me emotional and physically if my brothers ever did anything wrong i got the blame and things were chucked at me and she never missed, Now im trying to live through all this with telp of therapy but im only just living and im single 41yrs old no relationships because of what they did to me.

linda