A year ago, I stumbled upon PWP. I looked around and wondered, "How the bloody hell did I find myself here?" "Here" had two definitions. The first definition was a noun that described the confusion, pain and misplaced digust of a twenty year old Black girl who got raped by her white ex boyfriend. The second definition was this place and how mindboggling (and during my cynical period, slightly annoying) the idea that a pretty, naked lady could be composed of all the sickness that abusive men placed on innocent people. That was a year ago. That was me then. Who I am now is still very similar to the description underneath my profile name. I am still wide eyed and knobby kneed. However, the difference that a year has created is apparent. Although I am capable of giving you lot flowery prose to describe my metamorphsis, I feel a simple and precise list would be less pretenious and time-consuming.
1) I have real hair now! lol. I now wear the hair that God and evolution gave me. If you don't understand the big deal about that, watch "Good Hair" and find a Black woman near you. lol
2) I am starting to trust people. Actually, I realize now that my capacity to trust did not totally disappear. I still dunno if i should be afraid of that quality or thankful that I still have it. Should I treat my capacity to trust like Neo did the pill or cherishes it like an elderly woman would a compliment?
3) I have a bf. Still dunno how I feel about that either. But I'm willing to take it in stride and see. He's leaving me to go abroad for a semester. Time will tell how I feel better.
4) I'm using the tools that I have been giving others to rebulid myself. When I say "giving", I mean the advice that I given to other people. I have the "nice girl Achilles heel." The bitchy girl's Achilles heel is insecurity. The nice girl's achilles heel is lack of knowledge about their goods. I am giving myself the mercy that I always gave to others. That is one of the best gifts I have ever given myself.
5) I'm taken the second chance that I received and running like hell with it.
6) I cook a lot more now. It's kind of like that movie "For Water like Chocolate", except less sexist and more empowering.
7) I'm not letting the way I died become who I am alive.
"Here" has a new definition. "Here" is a piece of time that constantly evolves. And I'm willing to be a part of it.