Before I start this entry, I need to give a shoutout to Yahoo email. You have helped me connect with singles, family members and my ex and former rapist. Fuck you very much. I deleted my rapist's contact info from my computer in April. In June, it still appears very brightly whenever he is online. Despite the fear coursing through my body, I send him a chat to ask him to take my info off of his address book. I thought that was the only reason why got a slight glance at his online activity. The reponse I got was a speech that revealed how nuts my ex was. After five minutes that I entitle, "Converstations with People A LOT more fucked up than me", I learned this lessons. 

1. I and everyone on PWP are not batshit crazy

2. I will never be as batshit crazy as the average rapist

3. If I can confront the amount of fear that happens when you talk to your rapist, I can conquer anything.

I have a history of sex abuse. I suffered sex abuse when I was seven. After that was exposed, I buried my feelings but I couldn't do the same for the memories. I had a slew of "not rape" stories. Then when I was 19, I was raped by my now ex-boyfriend. The only reason why I haven't cracked up is.....actually I don't really know why. I just don't want to be so afraid of my own darkness that I'll let it eclispe me. I just can't. That's why I'm here. :)