Today is a horrible day for me, I sat down with my husband today and talked about how I was feeling. The shit hit the fan, I told him awhile back about my past and he was upset for me but I was ok with it all and just wanted to move on. Well, I can't fucken help that it all has come back to me and now that I want to take my father to court. His comment today crushed me, he said I don't understand why all of a sudden you are having problems again and I told him before hand that this will at least for the next 2 years which it going to be a battle for me. He was like well great this is something to look forward to. I was like what the fuck, what kind of support is this. I was so mad and shaken from this, I just could'nt stop crying so, I got on the phone and called my support being my mother and this is what she said, " Melanie you are a very strong lady who has been through so much pain and suffering as a child and as now an adult, you have to put yourself first besides the children, they come first and mend yourself. Don't push all this back under the carpet , you are ready to move forward and take your father to court, do it now or it will hit you again maybe when you are 60 years old and then what will you do? I am so proud of you , you have come so far and are an inspiration to others and deserve nothing but the best. I love you dearly. Please be strong." Fuck I did'nt know what to say I just cryed. I got ahold of myself somehow, well most likely cause I had to make dinner for my babies, I went to my husband and said, "all right this is the deal, I am going through a major transition in my life right now, I don't have a crystal ball to tell me how bad it will get for me, either you stand by me and support me and help me through this the best way you can or you will have to make your own choices of wanting to be here or not. This is my time to heal and finsih what I should have finished along time agoe." Well, he was alittle taken back and said Ok. See, this abuse has made me so strong that I am sometimes blinded by it. I feel better for letting this out. But I am still going on medication to keep me level and clear headed while I am going through this.