Just like it says I found my father. I looked up his name on google along time agoe and found a message on a ansitery site of a lady looking for her grandparents. I contacted her because she included my fathers name in her search. We stayed in contact via email for sometime and I decided it was time to meet her. Well, it was too late then because she had passed away. I was devistated to not have meet her in person. Well to make a long story short, I looked it up again being yesterday and my father had responed to my message saying he has been looking for me and my sister forever and left me his whole address and phone number. Well. fuck I lost it, started crying and screaming and got sick. Is there a reason why I looked it up again and is there a reason why he responed? It's been 3 years since he left that message for me. I think this is my actual closure. Now, I sit and decide how to deal with this. I will write to him with no forward address. I will start from the first memory of abuse and continue to now. I will let it all out. I will let him no what he has done to me and to the rest of my family. I will share my story my book. My book I have been writing for years, he will be the first to read it. Then I will publish it to the world.

I never thought my past would hit me like a rock again. I struggled for so long to get to my point of healing, to have it end in hell. I have always protected my chldren and made sure no harm or evil would come there way. Until the day my father in law arrived at our doorstep 2 years ago. He has been in our lives for 2 years, I shared my love, my problems and my home to him. I trusted him with all my heart with my children. I never thought they were in any danger from this man. He left suddenly over the past couple of days back to his home without even saying good-bye. We thought it was because he did'nt want to contribute to our bills. We find out wrong, he abused my little girl. I'm sickened from this. Don't know how to cope with this. Tomorrow morning my husband and I go to the police station and file a report. Meanwhile, my daughter has changed and has become so many things that I remember I was at this age due to my abuse. My faith has crumbled, my heart is dead. How could someone do such a thing and how long has this been going on. I'm lost.

I'm on a medical leave from work right now due to sickness. I'm not sure what the problem might be. I have been having seizures. This is scary shit. So frustrated and concerned about my health. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now. I really need it.

Let me help you through this day.The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face. This awarness opens up a choice: to doggedly go it alone or to walk with Me in humble steps of dependence. Actually, this choice is continually before you, but difficulties high-light the decision- making process. So, consider it all joy whenever you are enveloped in various trials. These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone.

Psalm 63:7 - 8 ; James 1:2 -3 ( AMP )

My grandmother is not well, has not been for awhile now, we are waiting for the day she passes on. My mother made huge sacrifices and relocated to be by her side. She moved homes, quit job and had to leave her family behind. I know it sounds bad, but I would do the same for her ( my mother ). My grandmother is a tough lady and has been through alot but, I was not expecting her life to be full of abuse. She told my mother awhile back her childhood/teenage years was very hard. Went into detail with my mom. My mother was taken back some and completly felt useless and angry. The abuse started for Grandma at the age of 3 and ened at 16 when she met my grandfather and married him to get away. Grandmas' mother died when she was 2 years old and her father never remarried. He took everything out on her by exreme physical abuse and sexual. She was never educated, in fact I remember when I was a child she could'nt read or write. What she endured was horrific and she kept this in till now being 93 years old. Holly fuck, what along time to keep something so harsh in quite. When she was told about me and my sisters abuse as children from my father, she fell apart. I'm sure from the fact that he did this to us but, also triggered her about her own abuse. So now we have abuse that runs in both sides of the family, what the fuck. I'm extremly numb right now and full of anger. I don't know what else to say. She is one strong lady and I'm so proud to call her my BABA. I love you Baba.