Videos of you

Keep me up in the night
Leave me in the pain
Of my four year old self

I feel sick
When I see you in my mind
I feel afraid
As your touch feels so real

I scrub my skin really hard
But I can’t remove the smell of you
I feel dirty because of you
It doesn’t matter what body wash I use

I bang my head against a wall                          
I’ll do anything to escape you
I can feel a different pain
A pain that is a relief from the pain I feel inside

Videos of you
Take me back to that place that I fear
They keep me awake at night
They make me believe there’s safety in death