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Posted 4 day(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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This year has been so amazing. So many changes. So many different people. So many memories. I cant wait for next year to be a sassy softmore. Although, I am going to miss this year. In the beginning I was so troubled, hurt, wrong, stubborn, and well just broken in so many ways not to mention disfunctional. Through out this year I have had terrible friends who brought me down. Even though i tried to help them I still had to let them go. I went through a terrible break up and am still trying t...
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Posted 13 day(s) ago by mandee32
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Posted 2 week(s) ago by Najia
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My serotonin has returned to my brain. I've felt so good the past two days than the last 10 years. Does anyone know how to treat or cure dandruff. I've had it ever since I was a kid. Najia
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Posted 2 week(s) ago by Cirdan
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Sixteen years ago is when the sexual abuse started and I'm still not over it. I just want it all to end. I'm twenty-three now I should be able to talk about it now and should be able to go to bed without the fear of having nightmares about being near him again. I still don't trust doctors, even those who are close friends of the family and who I know wouldn't do anything to hurt me. In fact, the man I'm thinking abyour would probably want to hunt the man who hurt me ...
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Posted 2 week(s) ago by Cirdan
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I know some of you have told me this and I know in my head that it wasn't my fault. But I still feel so guilty.
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Posted 2 week(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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Right here waiting Staying strong Come and Fall into me You say you've turned it off hid your heart up on a shelf Scared of what it might cost to take it down for someone else 'Cause loving him you lost too much of yourself Baby can't you see that he's not me And I need you to know you can fall into me That my arms are wide open and will always be Right here waiting staying strong come and fall into me I'll follow any ...
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Posted 1 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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Its been so long I figured I should apologize for not being here for all of you guys. I have been super busy with college classes and am now approaching finals so I should be able to be back on soon. I just wanted to apologize for being absent and not being as supportive as I should be, and let you guys know that nothing is wrong I'm just busy.
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Posted 1 month(s) ago by Najia
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3 comments
Hi I just wanted to vent. My husband went to jail and is out on bail. My mother can't help our finances because her desire is to retire. So I stay away from her so she can't try to take over my life. I believe in Jesus Christ but I feel since I was molested God sees me different from other Christians. If a person is forceful towards me, I run away and stay away from them. My mother is forceful and my former employer is forceful. I stay away from them both...
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Posted 1 month(s) ago by Kirsti
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Ever since I became more and more aware about my history of being sexually abused as a child I stopped celebrating my birthdays. When friends and others congratulate me on my big day I get provoked, feeling sad and angry inside. I didn't realized why until recently. I don't feel that the person I'm today was born on the 25.09.86, the person I'm now was born somewhere in the early 90's when the abuse started. And I don't want to celebrate THAT! I can...
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Posted 1 month(s) ago by Kirsti
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My wounds are not for you to see Although I wish you knew Without the grief that hollows me What holds me back from you It isn’t want of hope or faith For these I still possess But muted love that lies too deep To summon and express You hear the dreams that end in screams And tolerate my pain With fortitude you grace the mood That I can not restrain And that same mood can make me brood On all that I have lost My friends, my youth, ...
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Posted 1 month(s) ago by marfafilms
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I haven't posted on here in a long time. A few years ago (has it been that long??) I posted an Entry called My Story, talking about my dad. I later posted an Update, filled with more memories I'd remembered or left out of the first one. Over time, more memories came back, but by then I felt I'd said enough, and talking about those things would just be dwelling on it. Maybe I'll write about them someday, but for now I just feel like doing that would be like "Okay, we get i...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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i am so confused. i have been such trouble lately its like another me. its like the weaker me has gone far and hidden. while the stronger rebellious me has come to life. thinking i can just go on say fuck it to the world. i have caused so mych trouble. i dont know what to do i need help. i feel different. i mean i love feeling powerfyl careless free. its like yes you can do anything.but than i know the stuff i am doing is wrong. very wrong. i know i am going to be sent off soon. but id...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by kidtag12
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April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and many crisis agencies as well as college campuses are hosting events. I encourage you to find your place to help others. Reminding you all that a full recovery is possible.
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by BlackRose
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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First I would like to say thanks for all of you who were praying for my friend who was struggling with leukemia. After weeks of fighting and getting our hopes raised and then having them crash down around us time after time Ian went to be with the Lord yesterday. While I am happy that he is with the Lord and probably teaching the angels how to square dance, my heart is still broken over the loss of a dear friend. I will miss you Ian more than I can possibly ever say.
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by lsabel
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most of you all do know me, and for the rest of you my name is lsabel and l am 48 years old and l have a disease that eats me from the inside out l really get trier when l talk to other and they ask me how are you doing and l answer the subject always goes to them like l am&nb...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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3 comments
On Feb 12th my doctor sent me to the hospital to get some extra testing on how my baby was doing. They ended up keeping me over night. I got a call the next morning asking me if I was ready to meet my son. They induced my labor at 9:30am on Feb 13th and I had my son Aidan Tyler at 8:12pm. Coming out at 6lbs 13oz, 20 1/2 in long, he is nothing short of perfection. Labor was easier then I imagined it to be, it all felt natural. Perhaps maybe it was getting to hold him in my arms t...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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How did you get away from your horrible situation? I remember him climbing on top of me, me too small to push him off. I remember crying and asking him to stop. My sister younger than me high hidden on the bed. They left us alone, they went to work I think. Thats when he raped me, not the first time and I'm not sure if it was the last. I don't remember a sequence happening all I do remeber is forgetting about everything until uni. Then floods came back, floods of overwhelmi...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by WONDERER4U
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Hey guys its the second annual Survivors and Victims Day July 20th Picnic BBQ - balloon launch - Candle vigil You can find an event in your area or request to ho st There is event info on facebook www.facebook.com/events/451193614912195/ There is also a Google hangout on JULY 20th plus.google.com/events/c5l0c4mlib5s2p96pv8moplr5po ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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I just learned that one of my close friends, who has been struggling with leukiemia but was beating it, could pass away sometime in the next few days. This is due to a secondary infection in his lungs, not related to his leukiemia. I have known this guy since I was about eight years old. He was always the life of the party and now he is breathing through a tube. I'm not sure what I'd do if he does die. All I can say is please pray for him.
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Violet
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It's weird, I've worked my "new" job for 6 months at the end of February. It's gone pretty good, the odd hickup here and there but for the most part it's been awesome. I love my job, the people I work with, and my regular customers. I work at a Tim Horton's (canadian coffee chain that is as well known here as Starbucks is in the States really..) and I work night shift )11pm-7am). So on weekends it's a little funky because it means I end up staying up all n...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Sonic
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Ok, so I've been out of this site for some (a lot of) time. Entirely my bad, as usual trying to do 1000 things a day and only managing to get 100 done and being really tired before I can even think of the other 900 left... Still, I could really use some advice on a matter. I have a good friend, but I also have a lot of problems with him. When we met, about 2 years ago, one of the first things he asked me was if I could be his girlfriend, At the time we were out with a group of ...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by HelloHollie
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With hell above and heaven below We don’t really know which road we’ll go Down a path, maybe dusty and dull Or maybe someplace we don’t really know Some people have scars From the demons within Show me yours and I’ll kiss your skin Some have scars within their hearts As their demons are ripping, Tearing them apart I’ll take you someplace, Somewhere safe, Hold my hand, We’ll take our own pace Nowhere to hide, Nowhere to go, C...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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I know i have been posting alot lately this is some of what all i have written since i was last on. The rest is about shawn. I have really been struggling with him leaving. Like my last post the moment, i still have alot of those moments. I still cry most nights and i still have a piece of glass under my pillow and next to my bath tub. I have them there to comfort me. Though i havent been able to cut so much as a scratch. I would love to talk about shawn get everything out. But her...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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Kiss the tears upon my cheeks Whisper your love into me Let us dance in teh rain Pour out everything My love you are such a beut I would do anything for you Your eyes pierce my heart Looking unto the terrible dark You say you want to know my soul I fear the worst For i will never be whole I love you yes for all to see But how can someone Ever love me?
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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That one moment you breakdown crying. Wanting to call him and beg him back with everything you have. The one moment you would call yourself a fool just to get his love. The moment you would give up everything you had. The moment when you would go back to square one to heal just to hear his voice. The moment you wish you could go back and tell him that you would do anything to be his forever. The moment when you dont want to fake a smile. The moment when you want to scream out his name. The m...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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Daddy, It is hard... It is still so hard and it has only gotten worse in so many ways. Knowing true love ha. Thats a joke. That hurts more than anything. No wonder their is so many suicides over break ups. Sounds stupid but feels like a bullet actually several bullets went through you. Its like hell went over you. Whoever can wake up the next day and just go through the day...thats a miracle just in itself. Hell i wanted to just pull that trigger or make the rope tighter. Tried to overdos...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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Torn in pieces Burned to dust. Feeling worthless, Im such a fuss. Dont try and comfort me. I cant be helped Im a broken doll. Who will never be held. You love me, I just laugh. I cant be loved. Not in this life.
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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3 comments
Seems like the only time im able to come on here is to check on my friends now a days, figured some may would like an update on myself. I am coming up on my due date for Aidan. Suppose to be Feb 16th, but I really dont think hes gonna stay till then lol. Gotta say hes very...stubborn. He has had a kidney disorder since my 26th week and its been something we have watched....I found out today its something a bit further. He has something wrong with his blatter which may have caused his k...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Meme
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3 comments
Today I am going to talk to a police officer about the abuse. Im honestly dreading every second thats creeping slowly by today. I dont even know how to dress for this and i dont want it to be like interrogation style. It seems like im ganna wake up any second and this is all going to be a weird nightmare. things are just so odd right now. I feel so sick. I dont even know anymore....
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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Yesterday I was meeting with my life coach, who knows what happened to me, and what she said was amazing. She'd expressed disgust over what my abuser did to me, and anger towards the man himself but until yesterday I didn't know how much anger. That was until she said that sometimes she wished she could just go up to the guy and punch him. I wasn't able to tell her how that felt 'cause while it felt good to hear her say that I wasn't sure how to express my thanks to ...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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Idk what to say. I gues can say. I am healing slowly very slowly. And since Shawn my ex left I have been so silent. I don't talk about many of my problems. Just the ones that don't hurt. But I can't help but feel so numb most of the time. Like I'm not alive. I do have happy moments and I am thankful for life. But I guess I just haven't understand fully. I have healed mostly from the abuse. But what I haven't healed from is the breakup. I just can't ge...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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I know I haven't been on here awhile I just want to say happy new year and see how everyone is doing take care
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by IsobelKing
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My relationship with Sam changed my life. I was 17 when we got together and I'd been off antidepressants for 2 weeks. He was the sunshine in my life and helped me grow and move forward from my early teens. We were together at sixth form for just over a year and then cracks started to appear. We knew we were both heading to different universities but I pressured him to chose a university close to mine, which, as a good boyfriend, he did, Thats where it all started to go wrong. H...
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Posted 5 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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Last night right before starting work I flashback hit me in the gut. Then tonight after watching the movie Hitch with a group of my friends memories came flooding in and all I could think of on the way home was how that man had hurt me and how I'll never find love. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep for fear of having nightmares.
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Posted 5 month(s) ago by marfafilms
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In 2010, I created a website to share my story on, sort of an extension of my account here. I called it Damaged Rose . At the time, I was using a website called Weeby, which is a free webhosting site. The site, while being able to make free sites, is very limiting. I love being creative, and the only thing Weebly let's you do with templates is edit text. If you click the link above, you'll see the template I used. That's what the template looked like. I couldn't edit any...
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Posted 6 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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I was in the shower when I felt his hands on me again. I thought I would be past that by now. It has been over ten years since I switched doctors, and my abuse ended. All I could do was scream and then curl up in the bottom of the shower. I should be past it now. I should be able to shower or do day to day things like it without having to go through that pain. Sometimes I hate myself. Why am I so weak? Sometimes I feel so helpless, which I swore to myself would never happen again. I am...
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Posted 6 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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I'm not sure how to ask this so I'll just come out and ask, and apologize ahead of time if this is asking too much or if this triggers anyone. That was never my intention and I am extremely sorry if it does trigger something in someone. Having had things trigger memories and feelings before I know no words can discribe how painful it can be. That said, for those of you who may not know a while ago an idea for a story came into my head about a rape victim/survivor who becomes a s...
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Posted 6 month(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
Ok so today i'm sitting at my house thinking to myself. Is the chaos in my life ever going to end? Am I ever going to be able to find a healthy man that isn't messed up and wont' bring me down with him? My husband is a beautiful man...now he has to stay sober :( The IRONY is .... I get a beautiful son...my only son and he was born early and sick I get three beautiful daughters...my body get sick afterwards I get money...than a huge bill comes in I get a...
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Posted 6 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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sorry you guys that i havent been here much . ive been so busy ever since i moved to cincinnati and i havent found the time to check in. i have good and not so good news. good news: im turning 18 in a week!! yup, November 21 i will be turning the big 1 8 and i cant wait!! ill finally be a LEGAL adult. and i couldnt be happier to have survived in a world so cold and cruel, and i owe it all to God :) not so good news: during the summer i picked up a bad ha...
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Posted 6 month(s) ago by marfafilms
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As anyone who has my Entry about what happened in 2007 would know, Billy is the guy who "r"d me. I've had a few encounters with him over the years, and every time I even saw him from a distance, I would become terrified. Many times, I would text my friends afterward and have to be talked back into sanity. On Friday, I got on the bus, and who was sitting in the front? Billy. He said hi. I said, "Oh, hi Billy!", and sat across from him. He asked...
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Posted 7 month(s) ago by gecko
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I remember the first time my father touched me like it was yesterday. I must have been about 4 years old. He was sitting on the couch, listening to the radio when we came into the house. I don't recall where we came from - we must have been playing outside. He called me to him, and made me sit on his lap. Then he put his hand down my shorts. I didn't understand what was happening. The feelings were extremely confusing, my body's response doubly so. When he let me go I j...
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Posted 7 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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2 comments
I was working at my job yesterday bringing out some eggs to put on the shelf. I look down the aisles to make sure there are no customers coming as I pull the heavy floats along. When I looked down this particular aisle yesterday I saw a man who looked almost identical to the man who abused me. I have been scared since and all I can think of is my abuser and what he did to me. What if I run into him at my work? What if I run into this customer again and he needs help with something? I'm&...
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Posted 7 month(s) ago by maria_torres002
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My life is getting better and going a new direction. Many great things are happening and i should be so eladed but now I am face to face with my own enemy. I struggle everyday to wake up in the morning and to keep moving forward. I feel like there is a resistance that just keeps pushing me back. I am so tired or fighting everyday to be happy and to see what is in front of me, all the happiness and joy. This is so painful and i am hurting so bad and it just seems like no one understands...
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Posted 7 month(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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there is a part of me that still wants to know why did this man sexually assualt me why did he have to rape me and stalk and re-traumatize me and harasse after the rape for so long couldn't he see how the aftermath took a toll on emotionally and physically put me why couldn't he just leave me alone especially after I got a temporary restraing order against him he still choice to continue to see me. I've been thinking about comfronting him again but I already have b...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by Kaysi
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It's been 3 long years since I've been on here. This site helped me in so many ways; I couldn't even begin to name them. And here I am again. No, I haven't been abused again. Thank god. But I am going through the PTSD again. I've ruined every relationship I've been in. I can't trust anyone. Granted my boyfriends have been far from decent men, but I can't help but think it has something to do with me. I never really know if I should tell guys I ...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
February 23rd, 2013 is going to be the date that my abuser, and my children's abuser has been completely out of our lives for a full year!! I'm celebrating this day and feeling kinda sick about it too. It is like this....if you have been stalked, raped, harassed in court and out of court, lied to and constantly running from someone...than VOILA it ends suddenly...This is a sickening feeling like the calm before the storm. I keep asking myself when am I going to get served so ...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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so like i havent been on since damion died that hurt me so hard :/ and it really got me thinking why i am here. and so since than i have really tried to get right with god. focas on school. and ive been doing alot better. my fiance broke up with me and bout a month and half later he texted me telling me he fucked up terribly. and even though he has a gf he wants me back. i told him i will when i am healthy and dont need to lean on someone. but we can be friends and so far we have been. its b...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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6 comments
So I had an ultrasound today to check on the progress of my baby....to make sure its growing properly and everything. Well they could tell the sex and it turns out we are having a little Boy! Im so excited its crazy. The doctors said hes growing just as he should and that everything looks good. He wouldnt stop moving for her lol The Doc called me once we got home and said that he only has one concern...Aidan (His name) has a slightly large kidney and they are going to watch it...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by MikkiLovesMJ101
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Hey Everyone , I'm Mikki , im new here This is Going to be all about me and what you want/need to kno (It's only the Basic stuff like name , age , where your from , my fav artists etc.) so Let's Start :) Name: Mikki Age: 16 What country you from: Ireland What was your favorite food when you were a child: My mom's homemade sheapard's pie What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod , Phone , iPhone , Laptop Etc...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by MikkiLovesMJ101
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5 comments
Hey everyone , I'm Mikki , I'm 16 from Ireland and this is my story It all started when i was 8 years old , I Thought i had the best uncle in the world that no other uncle can beat him at protecting his little niece Little did i know that things where about to get nasty , My mom and dad where going to some meeting anyway and i wasn't allowed to come so they asked my uncle (My mom's brother) to look after me , everything was fine , my parents kisse...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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3 comments
I've been trying to decide if I can face him. Last night I decided if I can at least look at his picture online then I should be good. So I go and look him up, HUGE MISTAKE. I immediatly broke down into tears and then spent the next couple of hours being tormented by flash backs and when I did fall asleep, at four in the morning, nightmares about being alone with him again. That was an incredibly stupid stupid stupid thing to do on my part. Now I wonder if I will ever be able to face him.
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by swimmerjordo
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1 comments
Girls, did your perid change after you were raped? It's been four years. PM me to answer? I can't read my comments for some reason.
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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2 comments
"Could you honestly love someone who lies?" I was recently asked this, as a reflection of myself. Not just myself, but also of my past actions. You want an honest answer? Yes, I could. Given the right reasons as to why they did. And under certain circumstances, most certainly. Was it done maliciously? Was it done spitefully? If it was done to cause hurt to someone else, You`re right. I can`t. What I`ve found, though It`s not as simple as, "Oh, they lied. That means ...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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1 comments
Today at work all I could think about was my abuser and what he did to me. And this is not the first time this has happened recently, only this time it got worse after I got home. After worrying about it and praying to God that it would stop, both figuratively and literally, I finally fell asleep. I immediatly started having a nightmare about being in HIS office again and that it was happening all over again. I woke up and immediatly started crying, which for me is something that I try to av...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Violet
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3 comments
So as many of you may know I have gotten out of what I thought was an amazing relationship of 3 years. Shortly after that, I got into a new relationship. I know it sounds kind of trampy, but hey, life happens, and it happens in mysterious ways. He and I have been talking for a while now. Just as friends. I was with my then boyfriend and had no intention of ruining that by cheating on him (oh the irony) and this guy was more than willing to put any feelings he had aside because he knew bot...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Violet
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2 comments
So I thought I would give more updates on how I've been over the last couple years since I decided to take some time away from here. To put it in basic terms without getting into anything specific since this topic can be a little triggering to some I have an angel watching over me. This could be a little triggering so I don't mind if you don't read on but those who do read on, you have been warned. For those who don't understand due to how crytic I'm bei...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by untouchedsoul73
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1 comments
Ok...so I haven't seen my father in years (one of the ones who molested me), and in the past week I have seen him twice. It's really not fair!!! I had been doing really well, and he had to go and screw me up again!!!!! You would think by now I would be ok by seeing him, you'd think I was over it already!! Why do I still allow him to haunt me. I saw him Saturday and was a basket case all day Sunday. I saw him tonite while I was grocery shopping and I thought I was going to die!...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by marfafilms
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3 comments
I am a huge fan of the comedy website Cracked.com . It is a hilarious website, and also very informative. Most of their articles are a bunch of useless "fun fact" type of articles, such as " 5 Reasons There Must Be Corpses Buried Under the Batcave " and " 6 Crucial Movie Scenes That Never Made It Out of the Script ". I am always spending hours at a time, if not entire days, just reading Cracked articles. They are fun, and I've learned a ton of things from them, even if most of it is ...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by SweetEscape
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6 comments
So, I have night terrors quite frequently... I wanted to post something, how I deal with them after they are over, and helpful things I have found to help them decrease.... I want to be able to have other's share how they got over them as well... Firstly, I am going to discribe what my personal night terrors are like. Right before I fall into REM sleep, my body starts "twitching". It's like I become super hyper-sensitive. Then images start rushing through my...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by swimmerjordo
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I can't see what you commented...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by swimmerjordo
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4 comments
This is my story, I still don't know if I can call it rape, but here it goes... I was fooling around with this guy and I told him I was done and tired, and he told me one more time. He started to have sex with me and I rolled away and he unrolled me and continued to have sex with me. I then put my legs together and he took them apart and continued to have sex with me, and two hours later he finally stopped. He kissed me everytime I said ow or made some sort of noise. He held my...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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What if I run into him at my job? I am scared about what could happen. How would I react when I see him again? It has been years since I last saw him. I'd like to think I've moved on enough that I could face him well enough that wouldn't effect my job. But what if I haven't?
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by SweetEscape
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5 comments
So working up till today... My best friend for two years died in a car accident that was supposedly ruled out as suicide. My mom tells me how she wishes she had just gotten an abortion, then how much she loves me, then with the I wish you werent my daughter for weeks... Then my old Psychiatrist (Who is over 40 years older than me) and knows my past and how I DON'T TRUST MEN, tells me how he wants to marry me and sends me really crazy e-mails and calls me at like three am and as...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by HelloHollie
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2 comments
So today i found out that Damion passed away...And it hit me really hard. I don't know, i just keep tearing up, i mean me and Damion weren't really good friends, but we still had some fun times, and it just hurts that one of us is gone, that one of us was just taken away like that. Will that happen to us one day, will we all just disappear? Off into the oblivion leaving everyone behind ? I can't understand this. Damion was amazing, he cheered me up when i was really depre...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by kimrchrdsn
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7 comments
I have been here a while and somewhat quiet. I am realizing that my purpose is not to sit and observe anymore but to question and raise voice to my plight. Though it is similar and famailar to many here, I am still wondering if my story might be a set apart though. I understand court records are sealed and many only offer their entries in order to get compassion, understanding and healing. Same here. If a person is assaulted or abused for just one night it ca...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by geenadoling
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1 comments
I ordered a picture probably 6 years ago now & am looking forward to getting the final product so i can be proud 2 display it in my lounge! Would love to know how close we are getting!!
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Violet
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2 comments
So I haven't been actively on in the better part of 2 years now I guess. I've been in a relationship that was amazing for the past 3 years now. (July 2009-July 2012) Things had been amazing. He knew everything that had happened and was a huge support and just grounding rock in my life. I came leaps and bounds when it came to my healing journey. Little did I know how wrong I was. Two weeks ago, just a week after our 3 year anniversary he goes out to coffee with a female...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by LiveLaughWithNoRegrets
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This is my first time writting an entry, so many don't know much about me, that's why I'm going to share. Well, I've always been a very ill child, since I was born. Over the years, as I have gotten older, I have been getting more sicker, especially in the present. 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes and iron deficiency again, making me take 6 pills a day. (3 metformin, 3 ferrous gluconate) I didn't really care too much. It hasent changed my lifestyle, atlea...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Austin
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5 comments
Damion passed away today August 4th 2012 at 9:00am western time. He was born January 17th 1997. He died of an heart attack..he was 15 years old. Sorry to break the news. Just gonna give you all a few days to know before deleting my account and his. He was the only reason I was here in the first place....I have never been so sad in my life. Good luck to you all.
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Emilie
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4 comments
What can I say, it was my own fault. I wasn't careful enough, I was naive - or should I say I trusted people. It is somewhat strange, I've always had some issues when it comes to trusting people but considering what I've been trough, I still rather believed that people are trustworthy. Well, that chapter is over for now. I was in London for two weeks and it happened on my first night there. I trusted the man with who I was going to stay for the entire trip there...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Austin
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3 comments
For anyone that has been friends with Damion here, he's not doin so well. he probably wont be coming back to the site. If your religious he can use all the help he can get. Its unfortunate, but I thought it be fair for his friends here if any to know hes really sick and perhaps terminally ill. You can message me for any details. See yall
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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2 comments
Here is a start to a heavily modified story I said I was gonna write. this is as far as I've gotten and I'm not sure if I should, or can go any farther. WARNING MAY TRIGGER!!! Eighteen year-old Eva Smith was going for a walk after having a huge fight with her boyfriend at her high school prom. She was passing an alleyway when she felt like someone was behind her. She swung around only to find no one there. ...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by mandee32
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2 comments
WARNING CUSS WORDS I want to tell you what has been going on personally...I am hurting today because I've been triggered and in the past few days have almost become obsessed with making sure that no abuser gets away with what they have done to a child. Recently I went to our local pow wow and it's a small and caring community of Native people. I ran into a woman that my children and I have seen and talked to before. We hung out with her most of the day. She sat with my children ...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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2 comments
I trusted the wrong man. I did what he told me without question. Even after I was old enough to know it was wrong I still did nothing to stop him. I just let him keep on doing that to me. People tell me he was the one to blame, he was the one who is guilty. But if that is the case then why do I feel so guilty?
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by discoveringthenewme
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4 comments
So things were going amazing in my life. I found the "new me." However, it was all a mirage. All I am good for it being used and abused. I thought I married a wonderful man. Nope. I married a pig. I have been cheated on, caught him posting pictures of himself online for other women to look at, and now I found out that he has a picture of his "friend" in a bikini saved on his computer with a bunch of other nude women. I give up. I honesly wish somebody would just kill me. I quit my life.
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by WONDERER4U
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3 comments
July 20th is almost here We are having a festival /picnic/ BBQ with lots of gifts in Brampton There wll be a balloon launch , music , painting & art Fun fun fun We unite and connect We are many we are NOT alone Candle vigil and cast away Event STARTS 1:00pm to 9:00pm Hope you join us 50 free Love cds randomly given out &...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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1 comments
I was working the closing shift at my job last night and all I could think about was that Bastard who abused me. I swor to myself that I would never that helpless again. So why do I keep seeing his face and feel his hands on me again?!
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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2 comments
The other week some of the people I work with were joking around, I didn't hear the first part of the conversation, just throwing rape around like it is just like any other four letter word. I wasn't raped so why did it affect me so much?
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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8 comments
writing for me is everything i express myself through writing. when i was fourteen i would write on images i saw. i could see myself being pushed on a bed and fucked while mom cried in the corner. i wrote about that. its not real but it felt real it was like i was there watching. it hurt but it was such a wonderful feeling like my own peace. i write now because i see myself in the bathroom with glass in my hand and my wrist slit. blood dripping down and me smiling at the pain. i can se...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Sonic
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4 comments
I can't really find an answer to why I'm obsessed with cleaning. I just know that, when I see there's a bit of dust or something on the floor, I feel the urge to scrub until it's all clean and basically spotless. I know I'm not OCD, I mean, if it's not my mess I can easily ignore it, but if it's something I had to do with I really can't stand it. Every time I invite someone in my room I say 'Excuse me for the mess', but they only answer th...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
Hey Everyone!! I got a call from the strangers who work at the Supervised Access Centre and GUESS WHAT!! It's DONE!! They are not going to be supervising the access between my son and his abuser...THIS IS AWESOME!! No more options for access means no more access....before I celebrate I have one more hurdle to cross and we may be on our way to permanent recovery...no more ripping open old wounds of abuse etc etc....I have to convince the judge in the family courts to agree with all th...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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2 comments
maybe its just a me thing maybe its just my way of pushing it but im tired of people talking about the abuse. it happened six months ago whats done is done. it wasnt the greatest thing but at least im stronger. i still think straight and i still know where im going so like stfu. unless this is not normal than i plan on getting help but fuck me really they still talk about it like it was yesterday
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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3 comments
HI there friends, So we went to the Supervised access centre that was recommended by the CPS (Child Protective Services) and dropped off the paper information that we had to help the manager there decide whether she wants to supervise access between my son and his abuser. What really sucks is that we have to leave this decision in the hands of someone who hasn't even MET US!! YUP now we wait two weeks on average for a decision by the access centre. We are hoping the manager reads the...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
Ok so tomorrow I am going to try to convince total strangers why they should not consider supervising access between my son and his abuser....argh!! The same man raped my daughter...WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO RELY ON OTHERS WHO DONT EVEN KNOW US to make decisions about the future of my children. How about this...FUCK YOU! I am his mother and I have been right all along...I have been protecting him to the best of my ability and did well at it until total strangers in the courts, CPS and now the ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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7 comments
latelly i have been doing my hair and makeup alot it just helps me cope and not cut. but alot of people have been putting me down on the whole thing. saying its to much i look like a whore. or a hooker. i know others keep saying im pretty and cute adorable. but i have been called that since little bitty and being sixteen its like a degrade for me. im just venting this off cause it has really been bugging me. i know i dont look great all the time but they can at least support my new coping sk...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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2 comments
Hey everyone, I'm so sorry I've been neglecting this sight!! I just have so much going on and can barely find the time to breathe! This message is just an update on how I've been doing.. Good news! I'm finally living in Cincinnati now! I've been living here for a week now and things are great! I just need to get my information sent down here so I can be able to get a job and really get things going! I'm glad to be out here with the people who really ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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8 comments
I updated everyone on how my abuser was considered a "moderate risk" of sexually re-offending. I shared about how the Child Protective Services in my area would no longer do the supervised access visits which set me free of having to send my son on access with our abuser (my son's too). Since my son has stopped seeing his father he has improved leaps and bounds with his attitude. He is more co-operative and friendly. He has less mood swings and shows so much more impro...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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3 comments
What helped me in my recovery most was when I "talked" about my abuse. I finally open the flood gates and spilled the beans on my abuser. I told everything ...I talked and talked and talked myself into recovering...just wanted to share this because between prayer to my higher power Jesus and using my voice ...my little girl's voice ....I recovered...I keep recovering and I will recover... I hope this helps! Blessings ! Mandee
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by SarahElizabeth
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3 comments
I haven’t ran in over a year. Before I stopped, my coaches considered me a running abnormality. My muscular structure allowed me to run long distances (up to 58 miles) at abnormally fast pace (6.5 minutes per mile). When I ran, I pictured my childhood abuser chasing me. I started sleeping in my running shoes incase I needed to run for him. I couldn’t stop running. I ran for hours. I remember sneaking out one evening at 11pm and returning at 4:45am- I ran the whole time; I could ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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4 comments
♫ ...Here I am...This is me...there`s nowhere else on Earth I`d rather be... ♫ It`s been a while since I was last on here, or posted anything. I feel like I just let life fly by this past recently. It was like, one moment, there I was. The next I was off doing something else and not even realize finishing the first. I was so sure when I was doing it that it was going to take me forever. I kept just wanting to give up throughout. And then, it was over in an instant. ♫ ...It`s a new wor...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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8 comments
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by wondergirl
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1 comments
I look at your pictures often But I know that won’t bring you back But it makes me feel a little closer It helps me keep your memory close There’s so many things I never got to say like how you touched my soul Or just how much you mean to me Or sadly I never got to say goodbye or hug you one last time I will always be thankful for having a friend like you You gave so much to the world & expected nothing in return You have such a beautiful soul...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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1 comments
Dear , Thanks to you now I can't sleep. Now I can barely hang out with my friends for fear of what they would say if they knew. Thanks to you now I hurt almost every day. Thanks to you hardly a night goes by without a nightmare, or a day without a flashback. Why did you have ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by Zoompad
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5 comments
I am one of the Staffordshire Pindown home child abuse survivors - the Allan Levy Pindown home government report. What didn't come out in that report was that the Pindown child abuse had been going on at least since the 60's, they just kept changing the name of the system and the homes. In Jersey the Pindown system was called the Grand Prix system. I was raped by a family member when I was 11 for two years and then when I tried to run away from home ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by chargerbandnerd
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2 comments
Its been awhile since I have been on here. I have missed it. Surpisingly I thought I was getting better, forgetting to trauma. I thought the pain was all over. I have been engaged for three months and while i can have sexual relations with my significant other, I find myself starting to remember again. It isnt til the morning after that my guilt begins to come back and haunt me. I have tried so hard to foget and so hard to heal but everytime i turn a corner or try to start a new ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by kimrchrdsn
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6 comments
Okay this is how sad the world can bring tears to my eyes....as I've spent time reevaluating my life and what has occurred in my time frame, I've realized the world is too busy to hear me out. Plus I was still learning of my own issues. However, I've search high and low for a case similar to mine and have yet to see one. So, here is a safe place that probably won't be visited but I want others to know that I am of a foreign born adoption, came to the U.S. when I w...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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9 comments
So guys.... Long time no talk. Guess I have been so busy with things I havent been coming on here as often as I should. I miss it sometimes....just coming on here to vent and tell another peice of myself and feel better. Well I think everyone will be happy to know things are going very well for me. Me and my boyfriend just past our two year Anniversary and we are happier then ever. For more then one reason. We just found out that we are expecting a baby. I am not far along but...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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4 comments
so lately ive been hanging out with alot of guys. yes i know this is not the best for me but im not a major girl person bi or not. they are just prissy prissy plus im scared to come out about being bi. ive meet a couple of girls but they are close friends and i will not date my friends. anyways sorry add ive been hanging with them been supervised. but last night...last night just wasnt right. i went with this guy to the drive in theater and my family was there of course being supervised but ...
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Posted 12 month(s) ago by WONDERER4U
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3 comments
Are you aware of SURVIVORS AND VICTIMS DAY JULY 20th ? Child abuse survivors celebrate and honor victims no longer here Check it out SURVIVORSANDVICTIMSDAY.com
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