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Posted 4 hour(s) ago by ComposerKid15
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But these past few months, I just want to jump off a cliff, ya know what I mean? Just get that feeling of falling to wake up from this dream. This nightmare. and go back to that place in my dreams where I can find my happiness once again. I got over all of this, this reason why I'm even on this site. I was happy. I was floating on cloud 9 without a care in the world. I loved my job, my friends my family. But now...I just don't know what to do. its like I'm in a different...
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Posted 1 day(s) ago by Sean
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7 comments
So, It looks like this time Im deploying...and my biggest fear is leaving behind my family who needs me there. It was very hard breaking the news to them that I will be leaving. It was exactly February of 2011 that my older brother deployed with this same unit. He gave his life in defense of this country. He died a hero. I was to be the guardian for his son. I've been acting as a father figure for him as of the last several months. I've grown qu...
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Posted 2 day(s) ago by Cirdan
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0 comments
Here is a link to a song on youtube that I have found both helpful and inspirational. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHGf-UUqnSg&feature=channel_video_title
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Posted 2 day(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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2 comments
the judge didn't drop it since my attacker in the military he wants to have a hearing also the judge told him not to have any contact that also means he not allowed in my workplace so we have to go back to court in two Weeks so the TRO is still in effect until we go back to court.
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Posted 3 day(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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2 comments
i...i dont know why but i hate that i cant control this. i dont know when it happens. i dont know how to get out of it. everyone has tried to make me come back but im still so nonexsictenced. it like i can see my day i can do what im suppose to but i just cant do anything on my own. im not here im not me. this isnt normal for me. im just here. i wish i could make it stop but it wont let me.
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Posted 4 day(s) ago by wondergirl
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1 comments
She in the guest bedroom Just sitting on the floor She’s playing with toy cars When he enters the room She hears the door click His locked it behind She suddenly feels scared She knows what he wants He picks her off the floor And throws her down on the bed She feels her heart race Its happening again Her eyes water up But the tears just won’t fall She looks around the room She doesn’t want to see his face She passes a glimpse at him ...
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Posted 4 day(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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1 comments
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Posted 7 day(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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8 comments
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Posted 8 day(s) ago by Edie
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3 comments
I was raised in a Christian home and unfortunately 16 yrs ago, I was raped by a guy I worked with & started dating when I was 19, we dated for a couple months & he knew that I was saving myself for marriage but didn't care, I was so angry & confused on why God let it happen, instead of running to Him I ran from Him. After that I didn't care much about life & started sleeping around, suicidal, went through depression, stayed drunken, self harm, etc. I thought there was nothing in li...
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Posted 9 day(s) ago by Amel
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2 comments
I need prayers for strength, if anyone here prays, please pray for me. love
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Posted 9 day(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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1 comments
i look into the mirror. i see the little girl so full of laughter and cheer. little does she know a monster is near. i stare at my broken reflection. what happened to that little girl her eyes full of life,her smile full of love,her soul full of fire. the life she once knew now a stranger to her. she crys at what she has become. who would dare keep this child from knowing innocence. i look at my broken reflection. i hit it not wanting to see what i am. blood ...
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Posted 10 day(s) ago by nikkyflower
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1 comments
Suck in the smoke, hold your breath, and await the delutions. Just like he did. Pour the shot, take it straight, and await the hangover. Just like he did. Line it up, snort it in, and await the addiction. Just like he did. Take the needle, inject you arm, and await the scars. Just like he did. Take the cigarette, it all start...
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Posted 10 day(s) ago by nikkyflower
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0 comments
You felt me, you looked me in the eye. Said you loved me, could it be a lie? You kissed me, it made me want to fly.. You fucked me, and then you said goodbye .
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Posted 11 day(s) ago by Amel
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5 comments
I feel so isolated and alone.i can't do this anymore it's so hard, i need support i need friends and i need understanding and love.
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Posted 11 day(s) ago by gabriella
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1 comments
Thinking about it know its been over a year since i told and took away his power over me, i wasnt free at first. Crying and hurting, didnt know where to turn to, getting sick and cutting, what was i to do, this evil world i was in, no air around me, killing me each moment i breath, how much time did i have left. he took away my childhood, and my innocence and now it felt like he was taking my life! what was i to do. ...
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Posted 12 day(s) ago by Sydnei94
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6 comments
Everyone on this site has been through so much in their lives, and i know alot of y'all feel like you have nobody to turn to. So I just wanted to let y'all know that whenever you want or need to talk, vent, or anything else I'm here. No matter what its about y'all can come to me. I don't want anyone on this site to feel alone or like they have nobody to talk to, because I know exactly how y'all feel. Y'all can message me, or just comment on my prof...
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Posted 13 day(s) ago by strugglinghealinghopeing
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4 comments
ive been on and off this site for a while now. I was abused since i was four till recently. Ive started remembering more, and not healing so much anymore. HELP! the recent loss of a relationship has triggered alot of things i need to work on for myself. I find when i finally find someone i trust and actually feel comfortable around i hold them too close get attached and squeeze too much then they want to leave. Anyone else have similar problems?
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Posted 2 week(s) ago by wondergirl
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0 comments
She’s dying Why can’t anyone see she’s crying Her head is to the floor She can’t get up no more She’s losing control She grabs all her pills She swallows them all She doesn’t want to see another day Sirens are getting loud They have come to save her life But she doesn’t understand She never asked to be saved They move in quick She must get to a hospital They take her away She doesn’t even have a say The g...
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Posted 2 week(s) ago by babygirljen16
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5 comments
You know.... I really thought things were getting better. I mean....honestly. I have gottan so much better over the last 2 years. Im finally starting to feel like its healing.... But then I look back and see the problems that linger with me in everyday life. Things that are a direct cause of the house I lived in and the past I faced. I suffer from an addiction that causes me great shame.....one that makes me hate looking in the mirror to see the freak I have become through it all. F...
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Posted 3 week(s) ago by gabriella
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3 comments
i dont know why but laterly its been getting to me more and more. and then i start imagining what my life would be like if it hadn't happened to me and i just break down in tears, i know ive got people around me who are there for me but they just dont get what its like, its there everyday i cant escape it but most of the time im okay i can deal with it, but lately ive had so much to deal with stress from revising fo...
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Posted 3 week(s) ago by Sean
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8 comments
(may be triggering to some) I remember that day so clearly..vivid... ~Still wondering to this day, how to get the image out of my head. I drink...I pray...I cry; but the image, the memory, only grows clearer and more painful through the day, every day...every night. ...For 6 years now, and counting~ I've never tried writing...what kind of realease can I get from this? What do I see: His blood, its pouring out of his eyes, his ears, his mouth and his nose. His body so l...
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Posted 3 week(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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15 comments
My attacker came in twice and toremented me I went into the back and had a emotional breakdown. I will me moving at the end of next month. My therapist told me when I see my attacker and I start freaking out I need to say to myself I'll leaving soon. Last night was awful the first time he came in I was in the back and my co-worker buzzed for help I saw that he was waiting in line and he was about to check out then he saw me and got out of line and lingered around in the store h...
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Posted 3 week(s) ago by littlechicky
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2 comments
Hi everyone, I didn't have a great 2011, most of it was blurred by depression and a relapse of PTSD and I found myself thinking a lot about death and how it would finally put an end to all the emotional pain and suffering I'e been struggling with for years now. I know that these thoughts and feelings will be ones that many of you will unfortunately be familiar with, and I wanted to say a few words about a wake-up call I had recently. In November, our local news printed ...
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Posted 3 week(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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2 comments
it was going so well my life was turning around. thought maybe i could just start over. but no you wouldnt let me feel joy just for a mer second now im stuck back into depression. im cutting again just so i dont feel emotional pain. you have two haunt me. just let me go so i can move on. ive become a loner again. my fiance is never around because you wont let him. god i tried so hard but i keep being pulled back to you. just leave me be. because of you im screwing up my life just ...
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Posted 3 week(s) ago by gabriella
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3 comments
I know it’s been over a year since it lasted happened but i still get flashbacks i can still remember his face it still gets to me and now with my exams it’s hard to just focus on them but then i feel bad at myself for being distracted by the flashbacks and i know that I’m much better than i used to be and i can cope more now than ever before and i have a loving caring understanding boyfriend whose there for me when i need him, i just know that there’s never tru...
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Posted 3 week(s) ago by coconuttie
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3 comments
New here...idk where to start. I havent spoken much to anyone, I don't know if I know how ._. I feel weird on new sites. Lol.
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Posted 4 week(s) ago by SCA
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2 comments
Alone I open my eyes It is dark Is there anything there? Is there anyone there? I close my eyes it is dark I open them It is as dark as when they were closed There is noone there I am alone!
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Posted 4 week(s) ago by learningtofall
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4 comments
My dad's friend came for the holiday's and brought back lots of memories. I've started using again, and drinking more and more. No matter how much I do it doesn't seem to block the memories and the pain compeltely until I have blacked out. I feel nothing except shame when I wake up the next morning and not being able to recolect what happened. My friends try and keep me safe while I lose control of myself, they don't know the real reason why, they think its bec...
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Posted 4 week(s) ago by Sean
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26 comments
Hi, none of you know me, I typically keep to myself and a couple of friends I chat with here. But I've been on here since the beginning of last year...anyway: Listen, I remember this site used to be a place were people came to get support from eachother. From people that have been through the same nightmares. I dont look at the message board often, I'm quite busy as I am a Marine. But I just want to say that I find it dissappointing when I see so m...
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Posted 4 week(s) ago by joan
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3 comments
In 2010 i had a lot of problems which started when i hung out with the wrong crowd i became depressed and reckless in everything. I stoped hanging around them around october and went back to my old friends but i was still depressed and eveything. One night after my mum went to bed i decided to go for a walk after about 20-30 minutes this man pulled his car up next to me and started driving slowly and asked why i was out late and what was wrong and everything i said i was fine but he ke...
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Posted 4 week(s) ago by wondergirl
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1 comments
I need a doctor I want to swallow pills And make this life end Call my psychologist The pain is too much I can’t keep holding on Help me I’m losing control Please let me go Swallow Pills Forget the life you have This is the end I’m fading Can’t you see Death is beating me Pass me a blade I need to see the blood pour I need this pain to end I’m sorry To leave you with this pain But this is the end
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Posted 4 week(s) ago by Charlotte
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2 comments
I cut last night, I haven't done this in 5-6 years. I didn't know what to do I just can't handle everything anymore. My family is no help (and they don't know) in fact they are most of my problem. I'm sick of acting happy and having to put on a show everytime I go out. I didn''t know what else to do or who to reach out to? I don't know if I want to die, but I sure as hell am sick and tired of living like this. Things get better for a bit then f...
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Posted 1 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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2 comments
things are turning around this year. my grades are better i hope to pass this next semester. i have found a job as waitress. and of course as the title says im engaged.I hope this year keeps going this good though bumps in the road will come but i am happy. I have transferred to a new school this semester. I have also joined a support group for orphaned children my age. there stories are powerful and should be heard. I have meet so many new friends that accept me for everything that...
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Posted 1 month(s) ago by sarah1991
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1 comments
Wow...its been 11 months since i visited here! So much is still the same, yet changed alot. I feel more empowered to start this new year for the better and get on with my life and live the way i want to, which is in the moment, allowing myself to feel and trying to have a more positive out look. So since last writing I have completed a goal of mine which was to learn to drive and i did i passed my test 3 months ago...i love the freedom and being able to remove myself from any where i...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by onlyicanunderstandme
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0 comments
I am so angry and have been since yesterday. I swear that this New Year is already going to suck. I just feel like I could hurt someone. Unsure what to do
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by Callie
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4 comments
I have been trying and trying to ask God what is wrong with me and why i feel so down and depressed most of the day. Then he answered me and told me that I have a fear of being alone. I'm not sure what to do about it. I've had it since I was little. But it's gotten worse. Being sexually abused just disrupted everything. Now that my husband has a job again, i'm back to being alone all day with my daughter, and I can't do it. It drives me crazy, I get depressed, ...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by lsabel
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1 comments
l have known angels for about 2 1/2 years and age has alot of problems in which she is and where she needs to do l love her as a sister, friend and a huannbeing, l believe this web site is for all of us that has problems to be able to write it out and to understand where each oters are going through but wheb youu ave a friend that has no frieds that do not understand it make...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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1 comments
warning very discriptive your face haunts me each night. Full of cruelity and evil. You tell me not to scream or my mother gets hurt. I lay there silently crying.You strip me like im some kind of play doll. I feel you come inside me riping away my innocense each time.Your breathe heavy with ciggerate smoke and stale beer.The pain gets worse with each thurst you give. I fight back but you pin me down. Your nails digging into my skin drawing blood.I w...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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3 comments
I know I should have told my therapist. Every time she asks me why do I not want to take my meds, I respond, "I don`t know, I just don`t." And it doesn`t help. I`m debating whether or not to tell her the reason. She has already kind of guessed, but I told her I don`t remember. Every night I stare at my meds and I don`t want to take them because it makes me sleepy. And every night it plays in my head the nights that I would be at my uncle`s place. And sometimes he would give me soda and he wo...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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0 comments
im falling,passing scenes of you. hearing your voice as i search for the light. your cooing me, saying the pain is gone. i will not have to suffer anymore. i do not believe in you though.instead i scream, i fight, and i cry. i try to break free of these chains that withhold me. finaly i fall into the depths of the ocean. water starts to fill my lungs. i gasp for air instead i drown with guilt.your voice scolds me,for i did not come. i see fire, my skin starts to burn. im dragged by ...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by leasha
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0 comments
Hey guys, Havent posted on here for ages! The other day I found out that Teri Hatcher, an actress from Desperate Housewives had been abused as a child by an uncle. I read an interview with her and think that she is truely inspirational. She says: "You don't dwell on the bad, Ultimately, I think its good to come from some difficulties, because it makes you a survivor" "I can get past it, and achieve" I didnt want to admit that this would have an effect on me that has last ...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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1 comments
I feel like I`m distanced from everyone... I mean, sure. I have great friends... I have a loving family...even if they`re broken... I have a house to sleep in...clothes to wear... So why do I feel so sad and alone?
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by Rayna
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2 comments
I had my baby daughter 3 months ago...im suffering from postpartum blues, but its gotten much better as time goes by. thankfully i havent done anything that could or would hurt my child. i have a couple of supportive friends that really helped when i needed it. my daughter looks alot like the guy who hurt me. because of that i've been having nightmares again. People always say she is so cute and adorable...then they ask where's the father. i never respond i jus walk away. it makes ...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by speechless
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0 comments
Hello Everyone, As Chtristmas approaches I know it will be a difficult time for many of you,but I want you all to know that you are not alone. I was raped when I was 15 years old and I am now 61 and I still remember the hurt and emptiness I felt for many years,there was no place to go and express your inner most feelings and have swithomeone to share with that has been through the same horrible experience that I had. It took me years to realilze that it was not my fault,arap...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by speechless
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0 comments
Hello Everyone, As Chtristmas approaches I know it will be a difficult time for many of you,but I want you all to know that you are not alone. I was raped when I was 15 years old and I am now 61 and I still remember the hurt and emptiness I felt for many years,there was no place to go and express your inner most feelings and have swithomeone to share with that has been through the same horrible experience that I had. It took me years to realilze that it was not my fault,arap...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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0 comments
Well...... the holidays came quickly. To me it really doesn't seem like Christmas is less than 2 weeks away. I thought I was gone be all in the holdiay cheerful spirit. But, wow. And I'm not the only one, either. All of my friends and family feel the same way. I guess it's the weather that's doing that, cuz it's been rainy alot. It snowed a few times, but not enough to add to the Christmas mood. The holidays came so quickly that no one can even get into the spirit...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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1 comments
I was watching a choral concert that my little sister was in the other week when, as I listend and looked around, I saw an expression on one of the chorus member's face. The thought that hit me right away was "I know that look. I've felt that look." But I don't want to say or do the wrong thing in case I am wrong. Unfortunately there hasn't been enough time to think things through, while my family and I prepare for christmas, so I don't know what to do. Any adv...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by mandee32
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2 comments
Our beautiful baby girl was born last week! I wanted to announce to everyone her name and all that wonderful stuff but for safety reasons I have to keep that private. She weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces and the birth went well (in exception to the pain of course lol). My husband and I are both juggling the new baby and her older sister who we had last year ....DIAPERS DIAPERS DIAPERS! We are thrilled to have our children. I'm announcing this to let you know that y...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by demii
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0 comments
I guess i can start off with how lost i am. In two days it will be 29 months since the assault.. it was starting to fade away but something today triggered all of the memories. I wish i would stop having flashbacks. Im scared to fall asleep..i dont want to have flashbacks. This whole week i havent been able to sleep. i fell like everytime i cry he has won.. ive been told im a strong young woman.. but im not. Ive lost everything.. one of those things being my brother.. he left ...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by jesswikka
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0 comments
I was thinking about everything last night...after suffering with eating disorder problems all last year, I realised I cant remember the last time I binged on food. Im really happy about that. Now to work on the whole self love thing... I went to the Dr about not being able to lose weight, 10 or so tests later they said it was PCOS. Meaning the only way to get rid of some of the rubbish symptoms I have are to lose weight, when the entire syndrome makes losing weight nearly impossible. Its a ...
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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4 comments
its been awhile since ive been on...alot of things have changed my counciler says im in depression but i dont believe that is just the case. ive been dragging these days nothing better to do than till wait. ive become a loner not knowing about the world. i want a teenage life again. but that seems impossible thses days. i have started to "press" myself wanting to take my life away. wish these memories would end there too painful and full of fear to stand
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by WONDERER4U
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0 comments
Please consider sharing your personal stories/pics/art/words of your sexual assault exp. A collaboration of voices We shall break the silence Create your profile and let your voice be heard Sign up at SurvivorsSpeakOut.com We are Survivors of child abuse we have been empowered by speaking out. We shall no longer keep the secret JOIN NOW Celeb...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by littlechicky
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2 comments
Hi everyone, It's been a really long time since I've been here, and I hope you are all doing well. I decided to log on tonight to share with you something that I've been struggling with for some time, and which I think I've overcome, in the hope that it might help even just one person who's in a similar situation to me. Some of you will know that I've been dreading the time that my son asks why he doesn't have a daddy like everyone else in ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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2 comments
Im not the only one in my family that was sexually abused.... My cousin was. By more then one person. As she got older....it took her down a rather rocky path....she made mistakes and tried to make up for them. Shes been trying to get her life on track. Yet it seems like no matter what....she is always getting hurt. She has literally been raped and sexually harrassed by more men then I can count on both hands. She just told me today that last month a guy that had been bothering her ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Sonic
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2 comments
This is my first poem in English, hope it's decent Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite. If they do Hit them with a shoe Until they turn black and blue. Close your eyes Lie in the dark Think of all the lies That from others set you apart. What you’ll tell others if they ask ‘Did you cry?’ What you’ll tell yourself to help you get by The smile you&rsqu...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by TiffanyDiane
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3 comments
I am an adult survivor of childhood kidnapping, rape and incest. I am also an writer, a composer of classical music, a linguist, a classical musician, a metaphysical scientist, a spiritual psychic, an educator, a holistic and raw vegan, and an activist for animal rights, women's rights, and other campaigns for positive change. I am a genius and a polymath, but right now, my past is a large part of my definition of myself. On 5 May, 2011, I came out as a rape/incest s...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by gglexicon
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6 comments
Well to start things off. This will be the first time that i will describe/write the child sex abuse i survived. I was 8 years old, my cousin in his early 20's. what essentially happened was that he had my bottom completely exposed. he touched/rubbed my genitals as he masturbated to the action/sight of me. he ejaculated on me, i started to cry and opened my eyes. this was a one time event, though prior he had touched me which made me feel uncomfortable.
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by LindsayMiller
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3 comments
It's been along time since i've posted a message here. I've been through alot, and come to know a different me. A more positive, optimistic me. I've been in a state where my abuse was behind me for the last few years. Finally working through my first BIG struggle with it all. I've lived the last two years where my abuse wasnt all i ever thought about. And it is beautiful. However, recent issues with my littlest sister going through some pretty tough shit, my own ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by nikkyflower
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3 comments
I remember back when I held my breathe when I smelt smoke; now I'm addicted to cigarettes. Back when getting drunk was stupid; now I drink every weekend. Back when boys said they loved you and meant it; now they said it to get laid. Back when someone said "I'm growing plants." I thought flowers ; now they grow drugs. Back when "getting lucky" meant having good luck; now it's having good sex. ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by nikkyflower
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3 comments
Will I drink away my sorrows, and forget my yesterday? Will I scream at my children for simply being born? Will I lay passed out on the floor while my husband rapes my daughter? Will I kick out my children, Because I love Vodka more? Will I feed my babies wine, and tell them it's grape juice? Will I scream at thin air believeing someone's listening? Will I slit my wrists and be...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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2 comments
It`s strange. Looking back at how things were just a year ago, a year and a half ago..I feel like things must have gotten worse without my noticing. Or maybe it`s the fact that I fucked up my relationships with others so badly that things just turned itself to what it was supposed to be. I`m pretending again, like in high school. As if everything is wonderful when I feel buried under everything. And I wonder, where did my optimism go? What happened to the person I started to become, the free...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by nikkyflower
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1 comments
I was falling so quickly, I was slowly starting to drown. Though I tried so hard to scream I couldn't make a sound. When I looked up through the water your face is what I found. But even when you reached out your hand I let myself sink down.
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by jannehelen
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2 comments
Hi everyone, It has been a while since I been around here.. I have been in round 2 in the courts and I won! ... 2 years out of 15? ... Do not feel justice was done me right, 19 years of torture and all he got was 2 years :-O ... I was angry, sadned, furious, but it does not help or change the fact that he did it to me! ... Society at least believed me and is punishing him. And taking over the guilt and blame I have felt all theese years, telling SO many people and being so alone wit...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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4 comments
So lately it seems like the past just keeps finding a way to sneak up on me. I been feeling really down lately, depressed, moody, and everything else. Peple notice and ask questions, but me being me naturally I don't say anything. It's crazy because I thought I was over it, but it feels like it still affects me. Is it normal to feel this way even when I've moved on, or am I still struggling?
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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2 comments
Its 3:30 AM right now.....and....I find myself wide awake after a nightmare. But thats not what bothers me. A friend of mine from High school was found dead on tuesday. He didnt even get to have his 20th birthday that was suppose to be on the 28th of this month. It really got me thinking. About a lot of things. A very good friend of mine that I lost earlier this year....all the vererans that have died in wars past. Of all different ages....many...never even got the chance to live. Thei...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by MeganGracie
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I'm dancing with death late into the night, The darkness embraces me, the end is in sight. Dark thoughts fill my head but I feel no fear, They comfort and calm me as death draws me near. An end to my suffering feels seductive, alluring, And I lose the will to wake up in the morning. As death pulls me closer he whispers in my ear Words that are soothing, that I've been longing to hear; "There's no need to worry, I'll take away your pain, And...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by jesswikka
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I suddenly feel a lot better and I'm not entirely sure why. i realised this morning that before all the abuse, I was very happy, and loved all my fantasy artwork and books. Since the abuse happened, I have become very cynical, and gone nowhere near anything that does not resemble realiy as I see it. I feel like I lost 16 year old me, along with most of my personality in all the mess somewhere and have just been surviving until I fetch them back and can become completely me again. *shrug...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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These eyes tell no lies. My heart speaks the truth. It hurts. Bad. Sometimes so bad it seems . . unbearable. It's too much to deal with like being stabbed a million times, each wound becoming a scar, each scar a memory, these memories too painful. I don't see how anyone can take it. I don't know how I will make it. How can someone deal with the pain of all these memories? ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Chayo
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Just recently the feminist group im a part of on campus hosted a Take Back The Night event. This event, for those that are unfamiliar , is an event for survivors and suporters of sexual abuse, incest, domestic violence,etc...(reason why i wanted to share). It was an amazing expirience. Mostly because we had an amazing group to work with. People came out from all over the city and L.A to support the cause. Planned parenthood was there, our local rape crisis center, and vendors of all sorts. ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Sonic
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I've been out this site for a while because of work, now college and the massive amount of papers to write. In the meantime, have started counselling. My councillor tells me he feels a distance when I tell him about how I feel, what I did and so on, but this is the only way I have to maintain control. If I lose control, I lose everything. And if I lose that, I will go back to that state of depression in which I had to force myself out of bed and in the shower and in which my su...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Bongi
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It feels like its just yesterday
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by littlepaws
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some of my abuses happen around halloween feel very much evil around this hoilday we wrote this when was was having bad flashbacks love light and hope littlepaws Halloween the spirit within the wind is changing the time is growing shorter the air around us is growing thinker there is change everywhere all around i see this even in the weather but i do not understand my spirit cries out Father save us i know this is the enemy attacking for it ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by jesswikka
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At 15 I started dating a boy that was 18. I was really happy with him, and everything was wonderful. He introduced me to his best friend, and we would go on double dates together. His best friend would occasionaly make comments on how he found me attractive, I just put that down to a bit of flirting and something that was totally normal. The best friend was the only one that could drive, so he'd give us all lifts to wherever we needed to be. It wasnt long until he was a good ...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Mooley1331
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5 comments
I decided to quit counseling today, or just take a break, I havent yet decided. I just got tired having to deal with things, my sessions made my thoughts worse. I would get more anxious leading up to them than i would about my problems. Am I a coward from wanting to run from it all? To pretend for a little while that I can be normal, will I even be able to do that much? My counselor thinks he offended me, but I just want to hold the cards in my hands. Last week i told him i was suicida...
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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This is an old diary entry I found that I wrote over a year ago. I just thought I might share it. I won`t be impatient. I won`t be greedy. I won`t give up. Because everyone takes things step by step. I`m not the only one in pain. Not having others understand, not understanding others, both of those are awful. My life is like a blossoming flower. From the start of my youth, I want to have no regrets and treasure it. [friend], in my heart, there always exists the [friend] th...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by meg090
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2 comments
Recently, I have been having a lot of flashbacks and do not know if they are due to new medications or if it is because i am starting to open up. CONFUSED????
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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So somehing crazy is going on. Missed period, stomach aches, going to the bathroom 24/7, and I been super tired lately! Confused! I know I'm not pregnant! Can't be! I haven't had sex in months! WTF?!?!
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by gabriella
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3 comments
A river so clear and calm. You would not believe, The secrets it hides, Beneath the surface. The hurt and trauma, It has faced. Oh but its all calm. Its just a mask, Remove it. Its dirty and erupting, With anger and emptiness. It only wants to be 'normal'. Oh why, oh why can't it be.
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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3 comments
Last night I had this WIERD ass dream. I was at this party, all my friends were there too, but we weren't together. Suddenly I look over and notice this man looking at me. Well I went to antoher part of the room to get something and the man was standing right there when I got there. I g ot whatever it was I wanted (I forgot) then had to pass the man in a narrow hall, meaning our bodies would touch. I passed by the man and went back to the party. A few mins later, I feel t...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Tayla
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Were you see on tv of in the news or were ever that other rape or sexual abuse victims are care for a lt by parents, police, nurses and all. And then after you got raped your parents didnt even care that they were blaming you for being in that position. police say they cant do anything so it isnt taken any further from you telling them what happened any all. It is so stupid everyone is treated different after they have been raped of whatever. some people have all the help. people have help w...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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i cant believe this. the treat me so codly like im nothing. yet they dont even know my story or what i live through. cant they see that i smile when im in my deepest whole. my silence swallows me whole. there is only one thing that can pull me out of the darkness.but i dont have it anymore its to busy with others. i want my smile back. i want to breathe again with worth while life. i want to be gracious for everyday i live. i am trying to go back to the path of god but his presen...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by motherbear
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4 comments
Hello. I'm new to the group. A friend gave me the website. I would like to meet new poeple. I have been sexually abused has a child & raped when I was a teenager. My name is Kim. Take Care ((HUGS))
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Tayla
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Im not coping with the rape, living at home, school grade 11 (kicked out of 2 classes in the last week), due to give birth in 6 weeks, being along, havnt slept in a week, cant talk to anyone want it all to be over. trying to help my mum with everything and she dosnt appriciate anything i do, i babysit 6 out of 7 days a week. thats baby sitting 5 kids
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by ComposerKid15
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Ever just had that empty feeling inside you that you can't fill no matter how hard you try or who ever you meet? How do you get by with life going around as an empty shell.?
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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I been thinking about everything, past, present, and future. I've wondered about the truth, about the lies, about the pain. I think I get it. I have never told anyone close to me in my life about my past, I can't risk it. My family, well there's a bit of a deranged silent triangle thing going on, my bf, well he knows my family and it pisses me off that I have to tell him and have my future tainted in that way, cousins, friends, etc. well I could but I don't know...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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Alright everyone...last month I took my GED and have been waiting for my results. Yesterday I finally got them. Im proud to admit, I passed with flying colors. I am beyond happy. This is a HUGE step in the right direction for me :D My past pretty much causued me to flop out of school....so getting the GED just shows that im moving forward. Thanks for reading all :D Take care
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by jjgurl1920
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3 comments
our relationship after that just went down hill. He told me that he didn't respect me cause I didn't report my rape right away, that I wasn't a real woman. If I said I was going out with friends he would tell me that I would get raped again,which scared the hell out of me and I wouldn't end up going out. If we argued about something and he was wrong he would throw out "at least I don't date rapists" or " I hope you get raped again". months before we bro...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by jjgurl1920
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so, it has been awhile since I've been on here. when I initially started posting on this site, I felt stronger each day and thought I was taking back control over my life. About 7 months after my rape, an old guy friend came into the picture and let me know his feelings for me. I told him I wasn't looking for a bf. He was persistent and I felt that he was "safe" since I already knew him. I told him that I was attacked,but left it at that. He sympathized and said he understood...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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Hi, I just thought I would share with you all some of the techniques I used to help me cope with my past. So, one of the things I did to help me cope was to write. Whether it's poetry, or stories, or how your day went, and how you feel. I find that it really help you to let everything out. What you can do is, everyday you write at least once a day, for a certain amount of time. Then when you're done, read it. You might be surprised at what you read. When you really get int...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Bongi
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I smile but you don't know deep inside I am crying! I think about it everyday, u held me down and forced your way in my childhood! Today I am an addict because I would like to erase it all! I have realise I cannot do that
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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they look and stare at me like im not there own kind, i told my story yet they think im in it for attention. i told what i felt, why cant they accept that.my mom doesnt care what happens to me anymore. i wont tell him cause i dont want him to be overprotective. but they can at least understand and try to see it from my side. no not at all im a slutty ass bitch thats just desperate to get notice. what the fuck do they know i tried to explain for the way i act. obviously i shouldnt...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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4 comments
Hands on my thighs, telling me lies. Eyes full of lust, betraying my trust. Whispers in my ear, filling me with fear, the hands start to creep and my eyes fill with tears. You lay me down. My clothes come off. Touches so gentle, caresses so soft. Cold and scared, I feel your lips, down my body, below my hips. Your hands feel me up and I feel your kiss taking away my joy and bliss. But then you stop, and our eyes met. The look on your face I will never forget. You pulled me close and you cl...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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2 comments
You know what? I am so tired of hurting.....of feeling so great and finally feeling like im going somewhere in my life....only to feel scars burn. To feel like I can never get away from it. I swear....its like its chasing me. Now....I do understand that I havent been posting about how much it gets to me in months because of my boyfriend and since hes gone suddenly it hurts. Thats how my Mother believes anyway. But I hope you guys understand thats not the case. I hurt on random days whe...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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4 comments
I had a two hour session with the psycologist he determain that I have ptsd and depression. We also talked with the military about what happend and see if there is anything that can be done. They said I still can report the assualt but it would be hard to prove since I waited so long to report it. It's been 7 months since the rape and this creep is still stalking me at my workplace he keeps coming in the store everyday torementing and re-traumatizing me. The military said I could get a ...
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Posted 4 month(s) ago by babygirljen16
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2 comments
I know I have been posting a lot more lately....but I really cant help it... Everything is just getting to me......its like...the more stress im under the more my past creeps up on me I cant figure out why im such a freak....why it cant just leave me the fuck alone. I have been great, things going good....then my support went away and I feel like im buckling under the weight. Know what happened today to remind me of what a freak I am and how messed up I am? A girlfriend of mine slep...
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Posted 5 month(s) ago by Sydnei94
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2 comments
i know the pain you feel, wishing you could deal. i know what you're going thru, cuz i been thru it too. you feel so alone, so far away from home. the feeling of despair, like nobody cares. you wanna run and hide and stay away from the world. it's like when people look at you, they know what you been thru, like they know your secret. there's no way you can keep it. you may come off as strong and happy, ...
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Posted 5 month(s) ago by SJKL
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Family heald together by hate fueling their souls is the worst thing imaginable. You think you have their love and support but when it matters they shoot you down and rip you apart in the most torturing ways. I false accusation and two children who look up to me, who were taken care of by me.. are torn from my life. Straight to my face, she yells "You are a cunt and I shouldn't have allowed you anywhere near my kids". To have the only things you love be ripped away from you fo...
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Posted 5 month(s) ago by carole
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5 comments
So its been years since i been on this site. I joined cause im a surviour of childhood and abuse as a young mom. I was raped on aug 2 2011 again the day before my sons 5 birthday in my own home i didnt fight back i didnt cry out i took to protect my boys...you see my oldest suffers from post tramtic stress syndrome i allowed him to see his dad abuse me, so instead of fighting back this time i took it ......and now 2 wks ago i found out im pregnant im so lost and confused with these thou...
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Posted 5 month(s) ago by marfafilms
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3 comments
On 26 January 2011, I joined a language learning social network called iTalki. Within a few minutes of me joining, a Chinese girl whose username was "Smile" messaged me welcoming me to the site and saying she hopes we will become good friends. We got to talking, and she asked me if I would be able to help her with her English. Back then, I was still using the internet at the library, so I could only help her late at night her time. On 3 February 2011, I finally got internet on my c...
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Posted 5 month(s) ago by MichaelaLovesKelvin
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3 comments
Hello My Name Is Michaela I'am 15 Years Old And I'm A Survivor Of Sexual Abuse It All Started At The Started In May / June Time Of This Year I Was Sooooo Excited , My Boyfriend ( At Least I Thought He Was ) Is Comming To See Me , Can't Wait He Was 17 ( So I Thought ) Perfect Age , He Will Be Staying In My House For A Couple Of Days , But Not In the same Room The Pass Two Days Was Fine , Until The 3rd Day :'( 3rd Day - We Went T...
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