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Posted 10 day(s) ago by mandee32
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Posted 12 day(s) ago by Najia
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My serotonin has returned to my brain. I've felt so good the past two days than the last 10 years. Does anyone know how to treat or cure dandruff. I've had it ever since I was a kid. Najia
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Posted 2 month(s) ago by kidtag12
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April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and many crisis agencies as well as college campuses are hosting events. I encourage you to find your place to help others. Reminding you all that a full recovery is possible.
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Posted 3 month(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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3 comments
How did you get away from your horrible situation? I remember him climbing on top of me, me too small to push him off. I remember crying and asking him to stop. My sister younger than me high hidden on the bed. They left us alone, they went to work I think. Thats when he raped me, not the first time and I'm not sure if it was the last. I don't remember a sequence happening all I do remeber is forgetting about everything until uni. Then floods came back, floods of overwhelmi...
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Posted 6 month(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
Ok so today i'm sitting at my house thinking to myself. Is the chaos in my life ever going to end? Am I ever going to be able to find a healthy man that isn't messed up and wont' bring me down with him? My husband is a beautiful man...now he has to stay sober :( The IRONY is .... I get a beautiful son...my only son and he was born early and sick I get three beautiful daughters...my body get sick afterwards I get money...than a huge bill comes in I get a...
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Posted 6 month(s) ago by marfafilms
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1 comments
As anyone who has my Entry about what happened in 2007 would know, Billy is the guy who "r"d me. I've had a few encounters with him over the years, and every time I even saw him from a distance, I would become terrified. Many times, I would text my friends afterward and have to be talked back into sanity. On Friday, I got on the bus, and who was sitting in the front? Billy. He said hi. I said, "Oh, hi Billy!", and sat across from him. He asked...
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Posted 7 month(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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2 comments
there is a part of me that still wants to know why did this man sexually assualt me why did he have to rape me and stalk and re-traumatize me and harasse after the rape for so long couldn't he see how the aftermath took a toll on emotionally and physically put me why couldn't he just leave me alone especially after I got a temporary restraing order against him he still choice to continue to see me. I've been thinking about comfronting him again but I already have b...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by Kaysi
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It's been 3 long years since I've been on here. This site helped me in so many ways; I couldn't even begin to name them. And here I am again. No, I haven't been abused again. Thank god. But I am going through the PTSD again. I've ruined every relationship I've been in. I can't trust anyone. Granted my boyfriends have been far from decent men, but I can't help but think it has something to do with me. I never really know if I should tell guys I ...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
February 23rd, 2013 is going to be the date that my abuser, and my children's abuser has been completely out of our lives for a full year!! I'm celebrating this day and feeling kinda sick about it too. It is like this....if you have been stalked, raped, harassed in court and out of court, lied to and constantly running from someone...than VOILA it ends suddenly...This is a sickening feeling like the calm before the storm. I keep asking myself when am I going to get served so ...
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Posted 8 month(s) ago by MikkiLovesMJ101
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5 comments
Hey everyone , I'm Mikki , I'm 16 from Ireland and this is my story It all started when i was 8 years old , I Thought i had the best uncle in the world that no other uncle can beat him at protecting his little niece Little did i know that things where about to get nasty , My mom and dad where going to some meeting anyway and i wasn't allowed to come so they asked my uncle (My mom's brother) to look after me , everything was fine , my parents kisse...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by swimmerjordo
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4 comments
This is my story, I still don't know if I can call it rape, but here it goes... I was fooling around with this guy and I told him I was done and tired, and he told me one more time. He started to have sex with me and I rolled away and he unrolled me and continued to have sex with me. I then put my legs together and he took them apart and continued to have sex with me, and two hours later he finally stopped. He kissed me everytime I said ow or made some sort of noise. He held my...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by kimrchrdsn
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7 comments
I have been here a while and somewhat quiet. I am realizing that my purpose is not to sit and observe anymore but to question and raise voice to my plight. Though it is similar and famailar to many here, I am still wondering if my story might be a set apart though. I understand court records are sealed and many only offer their entries in order to get compassion, understanding and healing. Same here. If a person is assaulted or abused for just one night it ca...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by geenadoling
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I ordered a picture probably 6 years ago now & am looking forward to getting the final product so i can be proud 2 display it in my lounge! Would love to know how close we are getting!!
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Emilie
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4 comments
What can I say, it was my own fault. I wasn't careful enough, I was naive - or should I say I trusted people. It is somewhat strange, I've always had some issues when it comes to trusting people but considering what I've been trough, I still rather believed that people are trustworthy. Well, that chapter is over for now. I was in London for two weeks and it happened on my first night there. I trusted the man with who I was going to stay for the entire trip there...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by mandee32
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2 comments
WARNING CUSS WORDS I want to tell you what has been going on personally...I am hurting today because I've been triggered and in the past few days have almost become obsessed with making sure that no abuser gets away with what they have done to a child. Recently I went to our local pow wow and it's a small and caring community of Native people. I ran into a woman that my children and I have seen and talked to before. We hung out with her most of the day. She sat with my children ...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
Hey Everyone!! I got a call from the strangers who work at the Supervised Access Centre and GUESS WHAT!! It's DONE!! They are not going to be supervising the access between my son and his abuser...THIS IS AWESOME!! No more options for access means no more access....before I celebrate I have one more hurdle to cross and we may be on our way to permanent recovery...no more ripping open old wounds of abuse etc etc....I have to convince the judge in the family courts to agree with all th...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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3 comments
HI there friends, So we went to the Supervised access centre that was recommended by the CPS (Child Protective Services) and dropped off the paper information that we had to help the manager there decide whether she wants to supervise access between my son and his abuser. What really sucks is that we have to leave this decision in the hands of someone who hasn't even MET US!! YUP now we wait two weeks on average for a decision by the access centre. We are hoping the manager reads the...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
Ok so tomorrow I am going to try to convince total strangers why they should not consider supervising access between my son and his abuser....argh!! The same man raped my daughter...WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO RELY ON OTHERS WHO DONT EVEN KNOW US to make decisions about the future of my children. How about this...FUCK YOU! I am his mother and I have been right all along...I have been protecting him to the best of my ability and did well at it until total strangers in the courts, CPS and now the ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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8 comments
I updated everyone on how my abuser was considered a "moderate risk" of sexually re-offending. I shared about how the Child Protective Services in my area would no longer do the supervised access visits which set me free of having to send my son on access with our abuser (my son's too). Since my son has stopped seeing his father he has improved leaps and bounds with his attitude. He is more co-operative and friendly. He has less mood swings and shows so much more impro...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by mandee32
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3 comments
What helped me in my recovery most was when I "talked" about my abuse. I finally open the flood gates and spilled the beans on my abuser. I told everything ...I talked and talked and talked myself into recovering...just wanted to share this because between prayer to my higher power Jesus and using my voice ...my little girl's voice ....I recovered...I keep recovering and I will recover... I hope this helps! Blessings ! Mandee
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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♫ ...Here I am...This is me...there`s nowhere else on Earth I`d rather be... ♫ It`s been a while since I was last on here, or posted anything. I feel like I just let life fly by this past recently. It was like, one moment, there I was. The next I was off doing something else and not even realize finishing the first. I was so sure when I was doing it that it was going to take me forever. I kept just wanting to give up throughout. And then, it was over in an instant. ♫ ...It`s a new wor...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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8 comments
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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1 comments
My husband and I bought a truck this week and when he brought it home I was so excited. It is a used truck but in mint condition. My husband walked me around the truck and when I saw the back window I freaked out....I don't know why but there were harley davidson stickers on the back window and I got the SAME OLD sinking feeling in my stomache that I get when I think about my ex (my abuser) ....I know he drove bikes but none were harleys....I can't figure it out except to say ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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I said I would post an update as to what has been happening with my ex who is no longer a registered sex offender because here in Canada they stop the registration after a certain amount of years depending on the severity of the crime. So as of 2012 my ex who sexually assaulted myself and both my children is a "regular citizen"...well ALMOST!! Good news!! The Child Protective Services here put my family through a two year assessment to determine if I was a wack job telling my childr...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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7 comments
Hello Everyone!! I'm sorry I've been away so long and I've missed you all.....I have recently had a baby..now we are caring for four children...two under two and 1 special needs boy and a very busy teenager lol....we are soooo blessed!! I just wanted to update you all on what has been going on personally...I have returned to school so I can finish in April and graduate in June. I have been putting this off for a while so I've been caught up in adjusting to all...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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3 comments
I've been thinking about what happened and why it happened for so long. Trying to figure out, to excuse, to empathise. I was reading a book the other day and it stated that children learn and understand through play the things, situations that happen around them. I knew that, but it never crossed my mind that some of what happened to me could have been just that, play, exploration and curiosity. Maybe I just want it to be play, and not reality. The truth is I've dist...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by unbalancedbelle
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2 comments
Sometimes I'm not sure how I can really explain what happened. I always hear and read stories that are way worse than mine and just think that I shouldn't complain and that I'm lucky that nothing extremely bad happened. I guess I don't know how to feel about these things. It's hurt me more than anything ever has.
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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I was walking to the store pushing my son in his stroller and this card pulled up beside me and was driving by slow I looked over and saw it was this man he kept looking at me he I started to have anxitey attack I began to cry I started to have triggers again of my attacker I grabbed my tazer and turned it on and had it close beside me he then turned around and drove away then it happend again when I was walking back from the store this time it was two men in a car driving beside me slow lo...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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I always knew it but never let myself try, I'm moving on. The feeling is wierd, its scary and unknown, but it feels safe. I'm in a good space now and surrounded by my f ianc�e's family, they are teaching me that there is more to life. They, in a strange way, without even knowing it (and without knowing any of this has happened) are helping me to feel more accepting of the bad parts in my family. Maybe I am distancing myself from them, maybe that is what it is. Thinking about ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Ria
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Suffering from a brusied ego tonight. Found out that the project I spent almost a year contains about only 1/4 of the work in it. And on top of it me and best friend ended up flirting with the same guy and it ended up that he was so flirting with her not me. No big suprise, if its a competion between the two of us she wins hands down. Totally doesn't help myself estem nor did accidiently way overtipping our waiter, which I I am tired of being reminded of. It probally would suc...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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4 comments
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by HelloHollie
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7 comments
so i decided since i've been on this site for quite a while it would be okay to post my story. i'm sorry if i make a lot of typing mistakes or type "um" a lot. this is hard for me. i know my story isn't as bad as others, but it's still my story to tell. when i was about 10 or 11 my oldest brother(now 19), asked me if i wanted to join a club. i asked him what club it was and he told me that i'd have to come to his room to find out. later on, i came to his ro...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Ria
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In many ways I am learning to love again. Its not that I don't love my foo, but in many ways I feel like I am obligated to love them. There are some days I don't want to. I've heard the whole you can love them with out loving what they do. It still is tied up with so much hurt and dissapointment and baggage. I use to have friends that I loved verry much...they are long gone now. That loss, I've been moving on for the most part but the pain comes back every once in a while...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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3 comments
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by alyce
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6 comments
It's been 13+ years since I was that little 6 year old. 13 years of silence. That was until yesterday when things hit breaking point between my mother and I. I finally told her I was abused. I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to make her feel like she didn't protect me. I never wanted to inform her that her once little girl had been hurt. As I've grown older I have wanted to tell her, but I also wanted to protect her. I have just given my mother another...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Ria
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Hi all! I'm back. Its been way over a year since I have been on, in fact it has so long that I forgot my password and I'm back now. I need the suport of people who understand. The wounds are hurting as I say and its about four AM and I can sleep. I have had so many changing since last beening on here. I'm living on my own( got out of that fooi that was slowly killing me) and am a graduate student in the mid-west. I moved out here ab...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by GoldenAppleseed
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I never thought I'd be able to say this, but after six years I can finally say that I've healed. I no longer have nightmares of my abuser, my anxiety has decreased tremendously, and I found somebody that loves me for me. I used to think I was used goods that nobody would want until the love of my life came along. But he took me up and made me feel safe - he was the first man that I could truly be comfortable around. I no longer have to be haunted by the idea of my cousin coming ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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4 comments
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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2 comments
the judge didn't drop it since my attacker in the military he wants to have a hearing also the judge told him not to have any contact that also means he not allowed in my workplace so we have to go back to court in two Weeks so the TRO is still in effect until we go back to court.
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Edie
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3 comments
I was raised in a Christian home and unfortunately 16 yrs ago, I was raped by a guy I worked with & started dating when I was 19, we dated for a couple months & he knew that I was saving myself for marriage but didn't care, I was so angry & confused on why God let it happen, instead of running to Him I ran from Him. After that I didn't care much about life & started sleeping around, suicidal, went through depression, stayed drunken, self harm, etc. I thought there was nothing in li...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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15 comments
My attacker came in twice and toremented me I went into the back and had a emotional breakdown. I will me moving at the end of next month. My therapist told me when I see my attacker and I start freaking out I need to say to myself I'll leaving soon. Last night was awful the first time he came in I was in the back and my co-worker buzzed for help I saw that he was waiting in line and he was about to check out then he saw me and got out of line and lingered around in the store h...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by joan
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3 comments
In 2010 i had a lot of problems which started when i hung out with the wrong crowd i became depressed and reckless in everything. I stoped hanging around them around october and went back to my old friends but i was still depressed and eveything. One night after my mum went to bed i decided to go for a walk after about 20-30 minutes this man pulled his car up next to me and started driving slowly and asked why i was out late and what was wrong and everything i said i was fine but he ke...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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3 comments
I know I should have told my therapist. Every time she asks me why do I not want to take my meds, I respond, "I don`t know, I just don`t." And it doesn`t help. I`m debating whether or not to tell her the reason. She has already kind of guessed, but I told her I don`t remember. Every night I stare at my meds and I don`t want to take them because it makes me sleepy. And every night it plays in my head the nights that I would be at my uncle`s place. And sometimes he would give me soda and he wo...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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1 comments
I feel like I`m distanced from everyone... I mean, sure. I have great friends... I have a loving family...even if they`re broken... I have a house to sleep in...clothes to wear... So why do I feel so sad and alone?
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by jesswikka
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1 comments
I was thinking about everything last night...after suffering with eating disorder problems all last year, I realised I cant remember the last time I binged on food. Im really happy about that. Now to work on the whole self love thing... I went to the Dr about not being able to lose weight, 10 or so tests later they said it was PCOS. Meaning the only way to get rid of some of the rubbish symptoms I have are to lose weight, when the entire syndrome makes losing weight nearly impossible. Its a ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by gglexicon
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6 comments
Well to start things off. This will be the first time that i will describe/write the child sex abuse i survived. I was 8 years old, my cousin in his early 20's. what essentially happened was that he had my bottom completely exposed. he touched/rubbed my genitals as he masturbated to the action/sight of me. he ejaculated on me, i started to cry and opened my eyes. this was a one time event, though prior he had touched me which made me feel uncomfortable.
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by UnforgivingLove
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2 comments
It`s strange. Looking back at how things were just a year ago, a year and a half ago..I feel like things must have gotten worse without my noticing. Or maybe it`s the fact that I fucked up my relationships with others so badly that things just turned itself to what it was supposed to be. I`m pretending again, like in high school. As if everything is wonderful when I feel buried under everything. And I wonder, where did my optimism go? What happened to the person I started to become, the free...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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1 comments
I been thinking about everything, past, present, and future. I've wondered about the truth, about the lies, about the pain. I think I get it. I have never told anyone close to me in my life about my past, I can't risk it. My family, well there's a bit of a deranged silent triangle thing going on, my bf, well he knows my family and it pisses me off that I have to tell him and have my future tainted in that way, cousins, friends, etc. well I could but I don't know...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by jjgurl1920
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3 comments
our relationship after that just went down hill. He told me that he didn't respect me cause I didn't report my rape right away, that I wasn't a real woman. If I said I was going out with friends he would tell me that I would get raped again,which scared the hell out of me and I wouldn't end up going out. If we argued about something and he was wrong he would throw out "at least I don't date rapists" or " I hope you get raped again". months before we bro...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by jjgurl1920
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so, it has been awhile since I've been on here. when I initially started posting on this site, I felt stronger each day and thought I was taking back control over my life. About 7 months after my rape, an old guy friend came into the picture and let me know his feelings for me. I told him I wasn't looking for a bf. He was persistent and I felt that he was "safe" since I already knew him. I told him that I was attacked,but left it at that. He sympathized and said he understood...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by carole
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5 comments
So its been years since i been on this site. I joined cause im a surviour of childhood and abuse as a young mom. I was raped on aug 2 2011 again the day before my sons 5 birthday in my own home i didnt fight back i didnt cry out i took to protect my boys...you see my oldest suffers from post tramtic stress syndrome i allowed him to see his dad abuse me, so instead of fighting back this time i took it ......and now 2 wks ago i found out im pregnant im so lost and confused with these thou...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by MichaelaLovesKelvin
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2 comments
Hello My Name Is Michaela I'am 15 Years Old And I'm A Survivor Of Sexual Abuse It All Started At The Started In May / June Time Of This Year I Was Sooooo Excited , My Boyfriend ( At Least I Thought He Was ) Is Comming To See Me , Can't Wait He Was 17 ( So I Thought ) Perfect Age , He Will Be Staying In My House For A Couple Of Days , But Not In the same Room The Pass Two Days Was Fine , Until The 3rd Day :'( 3rd Day - We Went T...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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Its all dark around me I sit on an Island isolated and lost The sea so rough, it seems tormented I am large, almost to large I am covered by a blanket, underneath I am naked I am vulnerable I am waiting And it is now time I want to stand up and churn the clouds into nothing The sun will then shine The sea I will calm, and around me forgiving I will stay here and know to return And once my time comes I will fly Because flying is possible, change is a mus...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Mooley1331
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4 comments
I'm new to this, I've been trying for the last few days to figure out what to say, so I dont launch into this the wrong way. The source of my strength has four hooves, so he isnt so great at talking. But anyways, I'm a survivor, even though sometimes i'm not sure. I've started to face my past the last 2 years. I started seeing a counselor last year at school, I just started being semi honest with him. But now he wants me to go into detail about what happened. A...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Najia
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2 comments
Hey I had counseling today. I told my counselor about my dad and his inappropriate statement. She told me to do the best thing for me. I should keep me safe. We went over what I should have said for his advances. I love you as well, why can't I tell mom?, I love you as a dad, but I'm married to "husband's name", I love you as well, any other affections should be directed to mom. This whole situation has hurt me. I can't be physical with my husband. I don't feel worth...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Najia
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1 comments
I judge people wrongly because of my molestation. I have to forgive others and myself constantly. My father is still the same. He has pancreatic cancer and he still feels he is in love with me. The feeling bothers me. I don't know how to handle the situation.
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Katt207
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0 comments
I know my profile says I am healing, but I still have my 'off' days, and this is one of them. I have not confessed fully to everything on here. Since the event a few years ago, in the last couple of months, someone else decided to make me a victim all over again. Someone, who KNEW about the first time. I really don't understand how they could do such a thing... And the fact that they are related to me, makes it even worse. I'm not going to go back to my old wa...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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2 comments
As you may know my family is First Nations and we often attend events in the area like the recent local Aboriginal Pow Wow Celebrations where my husband was drumming. A week before our wedding and at the end of the day my husband went looking for my son who is 10 years old but developmentally delayed. K had been playing with a younger boy about the age of 5 years old because he is developmentally more that age. When my husband found K he was asking the five year old boy to kiss h...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
I recently decided not to hide the healing power God had in my sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I think that we have covered many ways to healing on this site and after two years of witholding this healing power in my life I felt it was important to talk about my spirituality and it's role. I know this may stir up a lot of feelings given the sensitivity of the topic so I hope as survivors we can all put our personal feeling aside and support one another no matte...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Tayla
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1 comments
I wrote a letter to god and put it under the door of the church. I asked him why he didnt protect me and why he let it happen. It sounds dumb i know. Is it a illegal thing to do. ? I also wrote one to my rapist but i was near his house to put it under his door but was to scared to actually go any further so i didnt do anything. i want him to pay or to scare him but was to scared. I will never get over this because i have to deal on my own everyone only cares about my baby and only talks t...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Alone
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2 comments
I was going to blog about something completely different, but when I selected the "category" under which this entry would be placed it occured to me that maybe there needs to be another selection. Survivor? Do any of you really feel like you've survived? Survived what? Yes, I look in the mirror and see myself. But am I really there? I haven't recognized the person in the mirror for a very long time. My outlook on life has compl...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by ShatteredHeart
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5 comments
This may be going out on a limb, but I sincerely think I am correct when doing this. I really think of you have a listen to this song...if you are feeling down tonight...it will help you. Firstly...I want you to listen to the words which say "DONT LOOK BACK, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE, YOU HAVE THE MUSIC IN YOU. CANT LOOK BACK" I find it really helps me in moving forwards from what I can only describe as absolute tortute. This song literally makes me forget my problems and g...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
Hello Everyone, If you are wondering why it has been a while since I've been online on PWP it is because my life has been a rollarcoaster of blessings and sadness. Without the sadness though how could I possibly appreciate the blessings that have been given. I was married last month to my partner and we are expecting our sixth child (between us). We are 20 weeks along now and praying for a healthy baby. We lost the baby just before this one and that was part of the sadnes...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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5 comments
Sometimes I look at my past and I'm sad. Not because of the abuse, but the secrecy that still follows me. I accept me with all my pits and falls and I'm working hard to move on, move further. Every now and again though I look back, I look back and I remember. You see in my new life abuse didn't happen, abuse tries not to envelope my every waking moment, no one knows of what took place but me. I live with my partner and he is none the wiser, my parents none the w...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Janeann05
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1 comments
It has been 2 years sense I have been on PWP. A lot has happened in 2 years, including me finishing my story. I posted on PWP right after I joined and labeled it "my story" but what I did not tell anyone and still ave not told anyone aloud is that a year after I was raped I was sexually assaulted twice. So here is my rest of my story...part 2. I was 15 when i was sexually assaulted , it just so happens it was on the same exact week a year earlier when I was raped. Carnival time is n...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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1 comments
I'm feeling a little down. All seems to be getting the better of me but I'm holding on. I feel just pushed aside and stuck in the middle, there is so much going on with family, my brother and work and its just so draining. I'm not complaining, I just feel down and have to vent this otherwise I might explode. My boyfriend told me to look at something funny and make myself smile because nothing in life is worth becoming upset about. Obviously he has had a good and comfortable li...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Iluv2smile
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3 comments
I don't know how much more I can take everytime he comes around I freak out. He lives in the same community that I work in and he comes to the store alot I've noticed days later after the rape he started coming in even more everyday just to see me he always looks at me and stares at me it freaks me out and when i'm not there he is looking around for me even my co-workers noticed how he looks around for me theyfind that veery odd they even seen him staring at me when they were ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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2 comments
I am not sure if anyone would remember, but a year ago I posted an entry titled “Memorial Day”. It talked about me going to this cookout the church was having, and I, not liking being near too many people, had a very public panick attack due to the 200+ people crammed into this little building. Well, I went to it again this year. But the cookout was the least of my worries... I had decided that I wanted to try going this year. I had been going to that church well over ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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1 comments
Blood test results are in and they don't look promising. I will see the dr on thursday but I can say so far baby is doing good. As for me well that is another story.....I feel awful today and have things going on right now that are causing such grief. I know that I am blessed even in my sadness. I just wanted to update you on the results. I know that God (Creator) is with us. I forgave my abuser last week....I do feel different which is a good thing. Ble...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by geenadoling
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3 comments
I joined this site over 3yrs ago, ordered a picture, and put things to the back of my mind, until recently! I was unable to remember my log in details, so rejoined the site. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and have quietly dealt with it over the years. It has just come to our attention that my step daughter is too, a survivor (victim) of sexual abuse. Learning these facts have opened old wounds for me too but my pain is not fresh. I knew this was the place to come and reassure myself that...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by JamesByrne
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1 comments
My earliest memories are of my father raping me and my mother encouraging him... grooming me. It went on for years and by the time I was 12 I was an absolute pale shaking mess from the experiance. Today Ive cut ties with them both but what are you going to do when youre too little to open the door and leave, yeh know? To me it was the only form of affection I had anyway and while it was painfull and scary and is still panic inducing while Im thinking about it... for me it was a normal part o...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mandee32
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8 comments
Hey everyone, just updating you all on my blood tests results. I apologize it took so long to get back to PWP but I was in the hospital recovering from what they thought was a mini stroke (during my pregnancy) but it turns out to be something else all together. I want you all to know that the results were not good for me and the baby. They are scary actually. I am praying my blood will return to normal and baby's development will be ok. I can't get into detai...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Ming
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3 comments
Finally heard back from the Police in Queensland, after about a month of waiting. A female detective, spoke to me and explained that after fifteen years my college records were still at the agricultural college, but there is no evidence of me ever having written a statement as to what was done to me. At least six people saw this handwritten statement. It was handed to the Director of the college. So whatever happened to it after that I dont know, but it should have been in my student records...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
I don't admit this often but I am really scared tonight. My partner and I lost a baby on February 25, 2011 and we were devestated but God helped us get through it. We are very blessed because we are pregnant again! The pregnancy has gone well so far ...well I've been feeling really sick but so far so good...well I hope.. We are 10 weeks two days right now and just this week we had our prenatal screenings in the form of an ultrasound and bloodwork. It was weird when I...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
So today is Mother's Day and all I can do is think , how do I honour my mother? I would first have to feel like honouring her but it has been a difficult task. She was great up until eight years old when she had my youngest sister, began drinking and forgot she was a mother. She dumped a lot of responsibility on her two older children (me included) of the new baby. She got depressed and didn't try to get help...just buried her head in a bottle or left the kid...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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4 comments
I know that visual representations are very helpful when telling a story. So when I was doing personal research on paranormal phenomenom at a local lake, I began having minor flashbacks. Because the lake in question, Lake Fort Phantom, along with being the site of countless paranormal experiences and unexplained phenomenon and being featured in Texas ghost story books...is also the site of my childhood abuse. The parts of my story where my dad and his friends played "human vollyball" with me...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
Hi Everyone, We had a First Nations healing fire today where I burned all my journals when I was being abused! WHEW! Now that the Criminal Injuries Hearing is over I felt that it was time to let go and begin to really heal from the damage that my ex caused both me and my children. We are truly blessed to have our Spirituality, mine personally is Christian and I'm First Nations so I am doubly blessed. I miss you all and will be chatting soon...by the way...God gave u...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by NeroTouNnsiou
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3 comments
I suprised myself today, my sister was upset because she has been trying to form a stronger sibling relationship with my brother and its not happening. He is being his usual cold, distant brother. Its wierd cause now I can't think of anything positive to say about him but before when I saw the hurt in my sisters eyes I could do nothing else but flourish him with positives carefully sweeping the negatives under the carpet. I can say, for today, that he isn't bothering me too mu...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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8 comments
Recently, I have gotten a job online as an English langiage teacher. I teach English to Asians. This morning, I had a discussion with one of my students/friends (we were friends before we became student/teacher) that I feel needsa to be on PWP. It's how the world views rape. I was having a VERY rough night, and that's what led to this conversation. I'd been having nightmares all night about what happened to me in 2007, and when I saw she was online, I felt I could trust her en...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by alicethemalice
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2 comments
Pessimist is the best word to describe me. It's funny because, all my life, I've been trained to smile and feign happiness (it's expected in entertainment) so I never appear as myself. But it also means I never have a chance to talk about those things that don't fit into my facade. It seems out of place. I tend to avoid people because I feel no connection to most of them. The connection I have with others stems from their capbilities of hurting me....
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by newk
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6 comments
My name is Patrick, I'm a survivor of clergy sexual abuse. I reported the abuse over 20 years ago to the church. Recently I searched online and learned that the Priest was still a Priest and currently being accused of abusing another child. I, after much soul searching, contacted the other victim and then a third victim came forward. We went public (National TV) and all Major newspapers, to expose the cover up the Catholic church organized. they told the victim that I contacted tha...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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10 comments
I wanted to share a very deep part of my life with my friends here on PWP. I don't normally do this but it is something I can't bury inside. My fiance and I got pregnant again and we were thrilled! February 21st, 2011 we took a test and were so deeply moved with the thought that God would bless us with another angel. I let my guard down because our last pregnancy was fantastic and no problems. The only pregnancies I'd lost were with my abuse...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by wouldyoulikeahug
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2 comments
I've written a bit about my relationship with my mother, the awkwardness and emotional effort it takes to get through the day. Perhaps I shouldn't say things like that about her, but I try to be honest to myself. I went to see her last weekend in her new apartment (she has moved for the second time because of jobs). Beforehand, she had called me up to say that I needed to sort through my stuff at her new apartment before she brought it up to me at uni. So I arranged to go overn...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by wouldyoulikeahug
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2 comments
I was just thinking the other day how my life would be different if I hadn't been abused. In many ways I wish I hadn't been, but I knowing wishing won't make it happen. It's mostly my mum's life that would be different. She might still be stuck near her parents even as she approaches her 60s, but she would be damn happier, married, and most of all, not lonely. Maybe I would be a bit more confident, but then again I was always shy, since I was about 4 (which is wh...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Happykate
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2 comments
So, I added a dot a few years ago. My first time back since. : ) and I compare how I felt then with how I feel now to give hope to those wondering if the pain will ever fade. YES :) For a long time I thought about it every day, every minute even. Sex with my new partner whom I loved and trusted was very very tainted with bad memories. And I remember feeling as tho I wasn't healing at all! Today I hold my head high, I am a mum to three now. It has made me the strongest person...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by godofdanger
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0 comments
http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43086/sign.html I was sent this by a good friend , please sign this U.K. based petetion , thank you :)
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Dean
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2 comments
I find myself very drawn to this sight... I dont know why but I am. I had recent progress in my journey as I posted already and I am finding it easier to talk to others about the abuse from my childhood, since then I have been thinking more and more back to when I was a teen and hadn't mentioned it to anyone and what life was like for me back then. The main abuse ended for me when I was 13 after we moved house but there was one more incident when I was 15 and although I was strugg...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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6 comments
My hearing at the Criminal Injuries went much better than I could have ever imagined. Everything I worried about never happened. I was listened to and they made an acception and told me the decision...." We believe you"... All of this I would do again in a heartbeat to hear those words from them..."we believe you" WOW! I will write more later I am soooooooo exhausted... My hats go off to those who work at the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board for Victims of Crime...You have...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by godofdanger
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2 comments
I'll keep this short , there are a lot of support groups out there and some really useful tools to help you on your healing journey , please don't try to cope all by yourself and combat the negative thoughts in your head and replace them with more positive ones . I've just read , " Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... " , a quote struck a chord with me , " For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life . But there was always some obstac...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Dean
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5 comments
So I finally worked up the courage to tell my best friend about what happened to me, I have wanted to tell him for years cause he is the one person I knew would understand and be able to talk about it with out feeling sorry for me, I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me, i've done enough of that myself already. But it went well after I eventually said those words, and he was very positive about the whole thing, we ended up talking for hours and after having spent the day fe...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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0 comments
An evening in July 2010 I just got off the phone with a distressed friend. Lay down. Phone goes off. Let out a sigh when I saw who it was, but pick up anyway. She is also distressed. I can’t imagine how I got so unlucky be needed twice in a row for pretty much the same thing; she has yet to say it, but I know it’s coming, because I can hear her messing with the bottle of pills, so I start trying to talk her down. She tells me she is going to kill herself, and I h...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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6 comments
Sago, Ahnee Boohzoo (Hello) I'm here again to blog my feelings about the up and coming hearing in the next 5 days. I wanted you all to know that I am soooo blessed and I have such awesome supports in place for my recovery before I complain about anything. I wake up each morning with a more intense anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach anticipating the Criminal Injuries Hearing about to take place in five days, on the 17th of this month. I have constant thoug...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Sonic
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3 comments
I don't really know what to write in my first message. It's kind of strange to be on this website, with so many people... I never really managed to get into a deep relationship with others, I think most of the time I'm living in a world which separates me from other people. It's as if I were looking at everything through a glass wall. Most of the time I think I'm living in one big lie, always being happy and giving the impression I have no problems at all. And, be...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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3 comments
Hi Everyone I am going to a criminal injuries hearing on February 17th to essentially get my day to tell what happened to me. This is a hearing that is victim centred and helps those who have been victims of crimes to get financial compensation for the pain and suffering they went through. My "alleged offender" or who we would call abuser was never charged with any of the crimes against myself or my children but I'm still able to file this claim in hopes that they believe what ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Notblameless
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4 comments
After years, I finally got to tell my friend a little bit of what happened the night with her husband. She is having problems with him, even though he has treated her like shit for years. She has put up with it and tells me about it. I have been trying to be supportive. She temporarily kicked him out of the house. He weaseled his way back in to sleep on the couch,and snuck into her bedroom. She woke up to him trying things with her. When she said that, I got a chill. It was the w...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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4 comments
I woke up this morning with a pain in my stomach because I have a criminal injuries hearing in 10 days. I had a nightmare last night about old stuff from the past so I guess it's bothering me more than I thought. My fiance keeps telling me that I am feeling the effects of the coming trial and have been really miserable lately but I didn't really see it. As I sit here on the couch I replay all of the possible questions they may ask and play back all the possible answers I could give...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by strugglinghealinghopeing
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1 comments
Does anyone have a beach or forrest near them... well today i was talking to a survivior. And i know, being a survivior myself, i need many tecniques to help me cope and move forward with my abuse. SO.. today i seen a picture of water, and i remembered the time when i needed help so i didnt go insane and i did this. What i do, is i go to the beach, or to a forest. Look down at the ground till i find a special rock that catches my eye. When i do, i pick it up.. and squeeze it REALLY tight ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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3 comments
I know you may be wondering why debt has anything to do with sexaul assault or abuse. Let me explain a revelation I just got. I paid my house tax bill today and a significant amount of debt off last month. It left me struggling for a while but in the end the burden of debt was lifted and my money was clear to move onto better things. Today God put on my heart the inspiration that I no longer owe any DEBT to my abuser! Yes I bet you are saying, "EH? What is she talking about?"...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
My daughter got what she wanted and deserved! She got the VERIFICATION from the Child Protective Services in our area of the sexual assault from her brother's father. I am soooo proud of her persistance. She demanded they listen to her after three years of being told they couldn't believe her. It was sooo validating to see the social worker lean into her and say, " we believe you". WOW! She froze and went pale. I dont' think either of us ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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5 comments
Tomorrow is a big day for us but especially for my daughter who is now almost 16. We meet with the Child Protective Services in our area who have repeatedly failed to believe her in the past to determine whether the re- investigation / new disclosures will be believed. She hasn't been able to sleep in months since this ordeal began. We could use your prayers today... A poem dedicated to my daughter and in rememberance of all of our daughters who suffered at the hands of an abus...
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