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Posted 4 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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0 comments
I know i have been posting alot lately this is some of what all i have written since i was last on. The rest is about shawn. I have really been struggling with him leaving. Like my last post the moment, i still have alot of those moments. I still cry most nights and i still have a piece of glass under my pillow and next to my bath tub. I have them there to comfort me. Though i havent been able to cut so much as a scratch. I would love to talk about shawn get everything out. But her...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by SweetEscape
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5 comments
So working up till today... My best friend for two years died in a car accident that was supposedly ruled out as suicide. My mom tells me how she wishes she had just gotten an abortion, then how much she loves me, then with the I wish you werent my daughter for weeks... Then my old Psychiatrist (Who is over 40 years older than me) and knows my past and how I DON'T TRUST MEN, tells me how he wants to marry me and sends me really crazy e-mails and calls me at like three am and as...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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1 comments
I was working the closing shift at my job last night and all I could think about was that Bastard who abused me. I swor to myself that I would never that helpless again. So why do I keep seeing his face and feel his hands on me again?!
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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2 comments
maybe its just a me thing maybe its just my way of pushing it but im tired of people talking about the abuse. it happened six months ago whats done is done. it wasnt the greatest thing but at least im stronger. i still think straight and i still know where im going so like stfu. unless this is not normal than i plan on getting help but fuck me really they still talk about it like it was yesterday
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by SarahElizabeth
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3 comments
I haven’t ran in over a year. Before I stopped, my coaches considered me a running abnormality. My muscular structure allowed me to run long distances (up to 58 miles) at abnormally fast pace (6.5 minutes per mile). When I ran, I pictured my childhood abuser chasing me. I started sleeping in my running shoes incase I needed to run for him. I couldn’t stop running. I ran for hours. I remember sneaking out one evening at 11pm and returning at 4:45am- I ran the whole time; I could ...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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1 comments
Dear , Thanks to you now I can't sleep. Now I can barely hang out with my friends for fear of what they would say if they knew. Thanks to you now I hurt almost every day. Thanks to you hardly a night goes by without a nightmare, or a day without a flashback. Why did you have ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by babygirljen16
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2 comments
Im not the only one in my family that was sexually abused.... My cousin was. By more then one person. As she got older....it took her down a rather rocky path....she made mistakes and tried to make up for them. Shes been trying to get her life on track. Yet it seems like no matter what....she is always getting hurt. She has literally been raped and sexually harrassed by more men then I can count on both hands. She just told me today that last month a guy that had been bothering her ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Tayla
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1 comments
Were you see on tv of in the news or were ever that other rape or sexual abuse victims are care for a lt by parents, police, nurses and all. And then after you got raped your parents didnt even care that they were blaming you for being in that position. police say they cant do anything so it isnt taken any further from you telling them what happened any all. It is so stupid everyone is treated different after they have been raped of whatever. some people have all the help. people have help w...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by babygirljen16
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2 comments
I know I have been posting a lot more lately....but I really cant help it... Everything is just getting to me......its like...the more stress im under the more my past creeps up on me I cant figure out why im such a freak....why it cant just leave me the fuck alone. I have been great, things going good....then my support went away and I feel like im buckling under the weight. Know what happened today to remind me of what a freak I am and how messed up I am? A girlfriend of mine slep...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by brandi
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1 comments
I was at the movies tonight to see Abduction and while getting concessions I ran into a guy I didnt know and we started visiting i ended up going with him to see his movie instead. While watching the movie with him he would lean over towards me and grab my arm and rub it with his thumb...should be a cute thing right? I couldn't help but tense up everytime he touched me..I kept doing was imagining that i might hold his hand if i hadnt been tense. I HATE THIS!!! :'''(
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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3 comments
Something appeared on our local news last night that just makes me so upset. Only a couple of my friends seem to care, but everyone else I talk to about it just laugh it off. There was a report about a series of rapes that have been taking place in the Mall of Abilene parking lot. Right in public. Perhaps the most public place in town. Yet the management have done nothing until recently (it's been going on since mid-August, according to the report) because they "didn't want t...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Sophie
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Those nightmares are back again how I have not missed them. I wonder what triggers them. Any who, it ment I got to indure a night of seeing my darling grandpa again. Oh what fun. So all day Iv had that horrible feeling in my tummy again. I havent wanted to deal with people again but kinda had to and felt like the world is staring again. Darn it. Just when u think uv turned a corner it all sneaks back into ur head again. Not a happy bunny
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by gabriella
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0 comments
It has been almost a year since it all stopped. Almost a year gone by, Yet the flashbacks stayed. The fear late at night stayed. People hurting me stayed. Almost a year gone by, And its 4am still can't sleep. I thought everything would be easier. I guess I was wrong. Almost a year gone by, I have forgiven him. But the memories still hurt me. The temptation to cut remains....
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Tayla
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Latley with all the sexual assualts, child abuse and all that on the news and everything its annoying me not because of it although that does to its that facts that heaps of people are doing it and that everybody on the news and everything the rapist of whatever is going to jail and getting fame. And i cant even get justice i only want justice and the police cant even let me get it,
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by iamsilentnomore1995
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why do i feel like i need to be sad? im getting increasingly depressed about everything again. its been a year and 7 months since i was raped, and ive been doing so well. i dont want all my hard work of getting back on track to be ruined by reoccuring memories, that i dont want to think about. i dont know what to do! :( nothing i do seems to be working! x
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Rayna
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1 comments
i feel so many emotions and dont kno what to call any of them...confused doesnt quite describe all the emotions going through my head. its like everybody gets on my case about my decisions when they had no say in what i choose to do. im a soon to be mother...i've always been good with taking care of myself and taking care of others that are close to me. ever since i found out i was pregnant i made it my priority to make all my pre-natal appointment...and my pregnancy has gone extre...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Cirdan
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2 comments
My mom can't seem to accept that there is no set timeline for me to heal. She keeps pushing me to tell people and get over my abuse faster than I am ready. No matter how many times I tell her that there is no time limit she brings up the fact that it has been roughly two years since I started seeing my therapist. I love her, but sometimes she can be a little insensitive.
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by mosmo
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2 comments
You can beat me, you can yell at me, you may miss acting so much as you want, you can bind me tight as much as you want and you can do exactly what you want with me and with my body . BUT one thing you will never never &...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by babygirljen16
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3 comments
What is it and everyone just suddenly disappering? Is it me? I dont understand..... Now It seems I've lost another friend. Feeling a bit worthless right now.... One of the only friends I had left.....is gone Doubt I'll hear from him again :'(
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Cirdan
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3 comments
I hate you. Sometimes all I can think of is how you hurt me. Sometimes I want to track you down and pay you back, hurt you like you hurt me or worse. Sometimes I am full of rage and have to hit something. Sometimes I am cringing in fear, as if you are still with me. Sometimes I am afraid, when it feels like you are hurting me again. Sometimes I feel like dirt, used, like I am not worth anything. Sometimes I can't stand being with people who know me because I am afraid they will find out...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Sydnei94
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3 comments
I don`t know what this is . . . . . I just . . . . . I need to vent . I guess I`m just typing my thoughts down . My mother`s boyfriend . . . . he is really pissing me off ! I mean , really ! 4 . 26 . 11 - He and his daughters came over , like usual . And like usual I just stayed in my room because I didn`t feel like dealing with him fucking with me . But my throat was real dry . So I waited until he left , or I thought he did , and went to get me someth...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by unkniwn10
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2 comments
i lay at night not understanding the meaning of your touch if it was not for your finger touching my innocent lips telling me hush maybe i would've said something. as your finger moves and your lips touch mine my body cringes deep down inside but im not understanding why cus my father kisses me with love all the time. but this was not the same, it was kissing followed by touching, i tried to coincide with the pain as my mind drifted away from reali...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Pinky09
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3 comments
Its been awhile since I posted anything. As much as I have tried to heal and move on, I can't. I find myself back on this website, struggling, lost, confused, and depressed. I feel lonely and ashamed for everything thats happened to me. After reading today a post by a fellow pwp member, I suddenly realized my exboyfriend was nothing but an abuser. All the gruesome details she wrote, I had experience as well. I have been lying to myself for years to mask all th...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Louise1021
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4 comments
Sometimes I feel as though I'm moving in the right direction, only to be pulled straight back down to earth again. For the first time since I was 14 I've started to cut myself again, I just feel so STUPID. Even though my boyfriend knows all about my story and my past, I feel like I can't tell him what I've done because it would just hurt him too much to know I cut myself instead of trying to work through things together. Over the last while I'm sure it seems ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by chargerbandnerd
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3 comments
It never ends, the emotional pain that is. To the outside I look like any normal person but it's a daily struggle to hide the inside that's about to fall apart. I would think after almost 2 1/2 years I would be to the point of being ok. The point where I could contro these feelings but I cant. Maybe I am just too waek to deal with the pain. It doesnt help that I just started a relationship, the first time since the assualt. I havent told him yet but i can...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Tigerlily
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2 comments
Hi I haven't been on the website for awhile, things have been a bit crazy busy but now it's the holiday period and I'm struggling once again. So how comes I feel like shaking people and wanting to shout at them for not understanding and then quoting the bible at me as though that's going to solve the problem. Don't get me wrong I totally believe in God but when you just need someone to love and support you to have scripture thrown at you just makes you feel li...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Violet
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0 comments
I just don't get it!! You were kicked out of your house for being gay, we took you in. Things got better so you moved back home. A year later you were kicked out again (or left w/e) because it was getting abusive, we had moved to a smaller house but we still let you live with us. It destroyed my relationship with my mother and brother. It lead my brother down the road I never wanted him to go down, the road of suicidal level depression and cutting. I've watched him slowly sink into...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by iamsilentnomore1995
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3 comments
well... i just saw a picture of my abuser/rapist.... and he was playing rugby and he looked so innnocent :( he looked like he'd never hurt a fly. but i know he has and thats what bothers me :( i know what he can do and what he is capable of... but i cant help but think about forgiving him. i vowed to never forgive this person who has hurt me in so many ways, but at the moment i want to forgive him so badly. i also want to talk to him and tell him i am sorry :'( i dont know what for...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Tayla
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3 comments
My mum doesnt care i cant talk to her and she wont listen and i just really dont know what to say and she is really busy with my siblings. I dont have much friends i can talk to and i have moved here and only been at this school for this year and i am moving again next year so yeah and the girl who i told and everything we dont talk much anymore she thinks i should have done more to stop it and everything so i dont really talk to her. Its school holidays so i will be bu my self like ev...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Cirdan
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3 comments
Sometimes I just can't stop thinking about what he put me through. At those times I just want to scream that enough is enough and just end it all.
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by demii
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8 comments
why is it that people use the word rape so freely, and they dont even know what it means... being 16 and in high school its a word that i hear everyday. and i dont know how to react. when i hear it, i tense up and i start to tear. why is it that people dont understand that it isn't a joke. and that it destroys every part about you. everyone has the 'glow' to them, but after being assaulted it goes away, the innocence i had was taken and abused, i feel worthless every...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Ria
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0 comments
Tonight was a night to revist old feelings. Second aniversary a crappy time. ALways seems to be one. Nov 5 aniversary of the night my two dearset 'freinds' told me they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I tried not to think of them, tonight i did. Somethings happened tonight that parelled things I felt around them. Things that still affect me. I wish they wouldn't. Hope that someday they won't. I hate getting forgoten/feel like I been forgoten. I hate waiting...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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4 comments
i feel like when i actually tell people what happened to me, they become more distant to me and start to treat me as if im just this thing. when i feel sad i want to talk about it and get it out of me but they dont want to listen and i always listen to there problems, they just shut me off or say your fine your fine, i have been worse or just i know. sometimes they even say im just complaining.... well sorry that i thought you would listen and actually care about my problems its not like i a...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Pinky09
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1 comments
I'm feeling sad and hopeless...My prince charming boyfriend is turning out to be the same as the rest. I want to move out his house but I have no where to go!
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by SJKL
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4 comments
You ask if I trust you, the answer is not anymore. You ask if I love you, the answer is forever. You ask if I've given up, the answer is yes. :[ I can't do this anymore. Feels like my world is crashing down on me. I try to pull my head out of the dust and garbage to breathe and a metal pipe is forced into my lungs. As I suffocate, I cry. I cry to the smoke filled sky and ask why, why must you torture me this way? As I'm pulled out of the debris barbed wire catches my stom...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by shadowlight
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2 comments
I don't know what to do... *bit of background - lived with my partner for 4 years but 6 weeks ago due to finacial reasons we moved from Scotland to England and he moved in with his dad whereas I am living in a bedsit about 2 miles away - also I have DID, PTSD and EDNOS) I miss scotland. I miss my psych. I miss my GP. I miss aberdeen. I miss having a home. I'm lonely. I'm scared. I cant cope... Jack said I'm being "manipulative" and that he's "...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by littlechicky
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2 comments
I just wanted to write a quick note to the member/s who are repeatedly posting spam entries here and ask them, respectfully, to stop. I find it inappropriate, irrelevant, insensitive and disrespectful for people to be advertising products, services etc. here given the nature of this site. If these members are here for genuine reasons and would like to reach out to fellow survivors and supporters to give and/or receive helpful advice, we will welcome you with open a...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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3 comments
“ Can I borrow your phone to take a picture and send it to my girlfriend?” “Why does she need another picture of you?” “Her newest picture of me was from Christmas Eve.” “Alright. Here you go.” That was the excuse I gave Coach Leong, an elder at my church, so he’d let me use his phone. I told him I was only taking the picture so Lyndsey would have a new picture of me. Yes, I sent it to her. But I wanted to take the pi...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Alexander2010
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1 comments
I was told by a good friend of mine that this site was mostly meant for rape victims ans those who have been sexually abused. I don't have any of those kinds of stories anymore. The main things I have now are just things that I have suffered. Like the one I am about to tell. Ever since I was six, my "dad" has beaten me. (Some father he is, right?) Anyway. This man has decided that in life, a parent has the right to do whatever they wish to their child, punish them however they lik...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by littlechicky
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4 comments
Hi everyone, I just feel I need to vent about an "incident" that happened last night. I know it's not that bad compared to what I, and we, have been through, but if you think you may be triggered please read with care. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting and maybe I'm too sensitive about this now, but I would like to think that I can be in control of my body and who touches it. Is that so much to ask? I don't understand why some peopl...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by gone4now
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3 comments
i hurt so very badly last night it happened again this time i screamed and screamed they beat me untill i passed out. then they dumped a cup of ice water on me they said they wanted te see the fear and pain in my eyes. they said every woman's wildest drean come true is to have severe pain befroe pleasure so one held me down while the other slammed harder and deeper into my broken bodey then the switched when they were finally done they told me i was the best fuck toy they ever had...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Darcs
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1 comments
It happened again. I knew that because I was already a victim, that I was at increased risk of it happening again. But it really did. I was at a dance event. It was supposed to be a safe community. I didn't think to question it when he wanted to take me to an abandoned part of the building. Then his fingers were inside me. I turned off. How do I get to to the point that I don't turn off? I want to be able to firmly say "NO" ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by gone4now
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5 comments
my dad and his friends drink every night last night from my room i heard their constant laughter about two am a nodded off to sleep.at 6 when my school alarm went off they were in my room my dad was very angry at me. he said i lied to him that his friends never raped me.i was hitting on them so they made love to me and i enjoyed every second of it. he said he heard me crying last night desprate for more.so his friends were going to give me the biggest orgasam i would ever have.i tried ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by kimbag
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1 comments
Why do therapists have to be so irritating! I had a therapy session today and was discussing how i find it really difficult to be passionate about things or motivate myself to do the things I really want to do. What I really wanted to do was explore this. I know it is because i feel too exposed and vulnerable to let people see who i really am but my therapists response was "well you've told me, that's a first step"!! I don't pay for bloody comments like th...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by livingmylif3
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3 comments
I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HE JUST TOUCHED ME AND I LET HIM I FEEL LIKE A WHORE AND A SLUT WHY DIDN'T I STOP HIM I JUST WANT TO CRY I RUIN EVERYTHING WHY I'M I EVEN IN THIS WORLD I'M TIERD OF ALL THIS MY LIFE IS JUST BREAKING INTO PIECES I TAKE A STEP FORWARD AND TAKE TWO BACK I'M GOING BACKWARDS AND THERE IS NO STOPPING ME!! TODAY IS LOVE YOURSELF DAY BUT AT THIS POINT I CANT LOVE MYSELF I'M STUPID AND WORTH...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Violet
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0 comments
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck fucking morons!!!!! !$#^%)!(&$^!$%&!$#%)&!@&%!)$^&! #$|%&!)#$(^! !#$%&!#$)^& !#$)^(&!#$% !#$%&)(^& )(**^$$ !$%$!@$&^$% ! Now that I have that out of my system........... Ok so many of you one here are/were self-harmers (is that even a word....?) As such you probably know of TWLOHA (or: to write love on her arm). For those who don't know what TWLOHA is, it's a day (or many days during the year) in which people all over the globe ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by littlechicky
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4 comments
I've been wanting to talk about what happened to me about three weeks ago but I haven't yet been able to find the words. I can't describe how I'm feeling, other than lost and confused, and I'm having trouble reconciling some things in my head. I'm trying to untangle all the things that are going around and around in my mind so that hopefully, by identifying what's bothering me, I will be able to find a way to work through these problems.&nb...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Help
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4 comments
im so angry at myself and my sister, i have no idea why i even thought i could tell her i told her 'i think i need a counselor' and all she said was 'heh waste of money' then i said 'no not really i need one, i think i have depression' and she just looked at me like i was crazy and rolled her eyes like i was lying, i got so angry i didnt say anything else to her, im angry at her because the same day she spent $200 (using some of my saved money as well) ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Ducttapedrose
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3 comments
So either I reach out too much and I'm needy and push everyone away, or I don't reach out, and I'm alone, like I've always been. Either I die on their terms, or I die on my own. Either I push them away, or I never let them in. Either I lose, or I lose. Either I'm alone, or I'm alone. Either I have people who take care of me, and resent me for it, or I have no one. How the bloody heck am I supposed to choose? How am I supposed to ch...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by KL
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1 comments
Why is it so impossible to every be truly happy. The minute things start going your way, something else has to come crashing down, and hard. I don’t know what to do. I’m failing nursing. I am actually failing my nursing class. There are only three weeks left and I am failing. Everyone keeps saying I’ll put it out, but if I haven’t yet why the fuck do they keep saying it now. I have to meet with my teacher. I just have this stro...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Ducttapedrose
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3 comments
Possibly triggering I've had a specific harm in mind for at least a week now. I won't describe it, (don't want to give anyone ideas) but suffice it to say that it would most likely be very painful (obviously), and debilitating, and would last for a while, and be a particularly stupid idea, as opposed to the usual brand of stupidity. Sorry. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. Well, my plan was to wait until after break, when I wouldn't have my family notice. (The go...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by ObviousCat
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2 comments
Sorry for this, I need to put it out of me before I dwell on it too much. I can understand how venting is a healthy method of releasing stress and getting advice from others in the process is always a huge bonus. But, when those people who you trust turn on you and flip their vent direactly towards you, chastise you for your own problems, and call you out for things that they don't even understand, it kills me. My best friend, or at least someone I considered to be...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by ComposerKid15
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2 comments
OH! STUPID, FOOLISH CHILD!!! !@###$!@$%@^&$#&$%((*&^$%^@!!!!! So I get to deal with a lot of freshman in my computer tech class, well a lot of girls. Ones Audrey and we were fighting again today, well she was....And then there are a bunch of girls, who MEOW! Is that code for something or are they just that irrrgent?! So class is hard today we are doing HTML, I'm practically the teacher at some points in time in that class which is okay with me....but Then this stupid fa...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by littlechicky
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4 comments
… Last night I had a meltdown. It’s so frustrating because I could see it coming, and yet I couldn’t stop it. I’d been trying so hard to keep everything together, but now I’m falling to pieces. I feel vulnerable and insecure, and I want to be strong, but I just feel like giving up. I feel guilty because last night one of my close friends needed me, and I tried to help, I really did, but I ended up making things worse and we argued. &nb...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by godofdanger
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7 comments
This is the first time I'm writing here in awhile , so you'll have to excuse me if it sounds as if I approve of showing anger . I'm all for expressing your emotions in a constructive way , bottling up your feelings until they boil over is a recipe for disaster . But I wanted to tell you about last night , actually I have felt a primal urge to defend my daughters before but last night I felt justified . My father wanted to take my kids to his home , next door ,...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by jessiihannah
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1 comments
understanding. acceptance. bright future. being able to walk down the street without feeling as though everyone is staring at me. actually, just being able to walk down the street, full stop.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by beans9232
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0 comments
You are going to get through this. You will find the best man for you. You will survive this. You will get stronger. You will be the best person you can be. You are going to make it. May a Stranger's smile remind you May a friend's call for help remind you You are never alone even surrounded by silence. You will fight this and survive this and no matter what happens in life now ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by ComposerKid15
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4 comments
Sitting in my room, hiding. I'm crying to myself with a knife hidden under my leg. What am I going to do, cut? more? Do something to get the attention of my parents? My mom already had been crying about things she heard me say to people, she said she was going to throw up, she said she was so disappointed. Moving on... Just a quick question to everyone, How FUCKING annoying is it when stupid people bitch about how bad there lives are?! Examples: Oh my best fr...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by sapphireprincess
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0 comments
i should more say "why doesnt my family get it?" i mean, i have finally flat out told them what i need from them and they are still ignoring it. why? its a huge slap in the face. it makes me feel like i dont matter, that this issue doesnt matter. it wasnt a horrible request. i jsut wanted them to join my website and show support. they say they read it every chance they get, but they wont just become a memeber. its a lot like this site, free, so tehre is nothing to do but register..but they s...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by untouchedsoul73
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3 comments
My ex husband thinks he can still verbally abuse me and in front of our son...for real....I don't know what to do.....do i take him back to court. If I do, he's only going to make my life a living hell all the more. U know i've delt with enough abuse and caioss in my life. I just want to have a life away from it. How do i do that? For real. If we didn't have a son in common I wouldn't have anything to do with him. My son's school called him wanting to know why h...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by TrbldHazelEyes
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5 comments
As if the rape isn't enough. As if the verbal and emotional abuse are not enough. I just found out earlier today that my husband has been sending nude/sexual pictures of me to his friend/co-worker - who used to be our roommate! I trusted him to respect me and WTF! kind of bullshit is this! Is he trying to put me down? Embarrass me? Let his friends use me? WTF! Who the hell gave him the right to share those personal photos! I sent those private photos to...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by sapphireprincess
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4 comments
I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE RAMIFICATIONS BEING SEXUALL ABUSED DOES TO MY LIFE AND THE LOVE ONES! I DID NOT ASK TO BE ABUSED ADN I AM CERTAINLY TIRED OF WORKING ON ME JUST TO FEEL "NORMAL" I WANT A GOD DAMN LIFE, NOT A THERAPY SESSION DAY IN AND OUT.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by manboything
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3 comments
Here i go again. A grown fking man. 6foot fking 3 with tears in his eyes. Nothing happened just thinking. Thinking like a goddamned idiot. I can't look at a person without questioning why I am looking at them or what they want from me. I hate that I think men are beautiful. I'm not gay but I spend all day trying to convince myself otherwise. I'm always telling ppl how much control they have over their lives and here I am crying about how I fell down. I hate that I'm afrai...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by scars12
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2 comments
I feel so alone. I was raped almost 19 months ago (April 12, 2008) It was my 21st birthday. It was suppose to go to court several times but the last was September 29 on the 28th he took a plea so he would never have to face me in court he knew he would never win. It happened at a birthday party my friend threw for me so some of my sibilings where there. I have 5 sisters and two brothers they were all there except two sisters. Now that its all over I got copies of the depositions and they wer...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
So my fathers name is Ron. I fucken hate this name, hmm I wonder why? I never had a friend named Ron nor would I ever have a boyfriend named Ron. Now that I think about it, I don't know any Rons. I was at my mothers tonight bringing the babies over for their treats and my sister was there all dressed up for halloween, with her new boyfriend number 800 or something like that. Guess what?, his name is Ron. I just stood there for a while and looked at him. With a stupid look on ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by tImEtoHeAl
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1 comments
I'm tired, confused, frustrated, angry, sad, lonely, crying, sobbing, STRUGGLING What is the point of struggling so hard for so long? Why do I have to do this? What gave him the right to force me through this? Honestly.....I can't see the point of it all anymore.....it seems so out of reach......beyond me......I don't think that I can do this anymore. I can't find the inspiration anymore. I feel empty. Void of life. it may sound so cliche......but I'm s...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Violet
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0 comments
Le sigh, Continuation of my little escapade with the hospital..... So after seeing my doctor being told to go to the ER, and the million hours of waiting in a VERY uncomfortable chair. Not to mention the annoying pee test (oh the dignity...) plus numurous vials of blood taken. They decide it would be a good idea to take me down to get an ultrasound... oh wait that's right, my side feels like I've been stabbed a billion times with a red hot firey poker! So they then decide to ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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9 comments
I accidentally let slip to a couple people that I login to star's account to do friend requests and change the photo from time to time as she can't do it herself. I ONLY login to accept friend requests and to change the picture!!!!! However, that hasn't stopped a few people (most of which are outside of this site) have came forward to slam me for being "controlling". "how dare you parade around like you are out to help everyone. you are no better than a stalk...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wouldyoulikeahug
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3 comments
My abuser (ex step dad) went to a trial thingy yesterday and the judge has given him 15 months, which is more than the minimum which is a year I think. The judge said it like broke down into one month for one account, 7 months for another, 15 for another etc, but he got a third off his sentence cos he pleaded guilty. Also, apparently he'll only serve half of that for some reason. I'm in two minds. I feel really guilty. I don't know if it's long enough or not, but even ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by sapphireprincess
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4 comments
my mother i swear! i just would like one day for her to be supportive and really over do it for all the years she didnt do shit. i mean, reallly? what is so hard about just being there and syaing the right words. even im proud of you would do wonders. or, ill always be here for you. that would work to. but instead she continues to ignore everything and it hurts so badly. i want to confront her.i need to before she hears it else where. but she isnt receptive of my words no matter how kind ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wouldyoulikeahug
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2 comments
So last time I wrote about the sad statistics, and I just found out today something else sad :'( My new friend at uni has gone through something too :( I told her briefly about my exstepdad and that, and then she shared with me that her mum's boyfriend's son (who she thought of as a brother) used to come in her room and tell her how pretty and grown up she was and things like that, and would kiss her. It's sad :( I sensed there was something more that happened, but I ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by crackerjack
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2 comments
countries can fight each other over land, oil, money. they say we are fighting a war on terrorism. well where is our army, our aid our reconstruction efforts. we are all involved in a war of terrorism. the acts that have been committed against us is the ultimate act of terrorism. where is the people to come in the middle of the night to save us from our enemies. every war has casualties well we have numerous. everyday we see more people join. which is awesome to see more people opening up...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wouldyoulikeahug
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5 comments
Seriously, I don't expect anyone to read it because it'll depress you. It's just for me to get it out. Eugh. So tired. So guilty. So self-pitying. I've messed up my mum's life. She read what my ex step dad did to me and kicked him out the house. She's says her soulmate is gone, she thought they would grow old together and live happily ever after. After all she's been through, I thought she would have some peace with someone she loved but no. She's real...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by sapphireprincess
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1 comments
why is family support so hard to come by? my family says they support me, but this is where actions speak louder than words. i am so disappointed time and time again because my family doesnt DO anything. they dont fight the parole, they continue to talk to my father, they didnt join my blog site to support me and my cause...i just dont get it. so sad.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wondergirl
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11 comments
I am so fuken sick of people telling me its in the past, to move on. Especially when they have never gone through anything remotely close to being sexually abused, raped, whatever. Why didn't i think of that myself to just move on. GRR.. if it was that easy I would have done it by now. But I have spent most of my life running away from it, when i need to do the opposite and deal with it. Sick of the i think you should just forget it too. Fuk i have tried to forget it for s...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by crackerjack
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0 comments
i just need a break, a vacation, when it rains it doe truly pour. i mean hell i can't have something as little as having my bicycle actually ridable. he know that i can't stand when he puts me in the middle. how am i suppose to be my mom's answering service becaue she finally got tired of my dads shit. you would think by now since i kicked myh dad off my property that he would get the hint i don't want to talk 2 him. i don't care what's going on in his lif...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wondergirl
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5 comments
I knew this day would come one day. But I have been dreading it. And now i feel so bloody guilty. Today I found out that soon my cousin will be getting married. the same cousin that sexually abused me and beat me up as a kid. its all my fault. He is still out there because of me. What scares me most is what happens if he has children? What if he hurts them? it will be all my fault. he should be locked up. im so fuken angry at myself.&nb...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wouldyoulikeahug
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1 comments
So I was sitting in a welcome meeting at uni the other day and for some reason, I started thinking about the statistics of s.abuse. 1 in 4 girls abused before 18 1 in 6 boys abused before 18. It disgusts me, it really does. I think there was about 120 in the class. That's a sad thing to think that not just me has been abused. :( I suppose it means that I'm not alone, which I figured I'm not (with the help of PWP :)) but I feel sad that others have been through it... F...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by littlegirlgone
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0 comments
My family is such a frustrating mess! I am going to vent to get all of it off my mind, so I don't have to think about it as much. Feel free to ignore this post and not read it, but I really have to get this out of my head. I just found out yesterday after talking to my sister that my mom has been lying to me! My mom is the only person in my family that I'm remotely close to, and I only started having a real relationship with her when I was about 19 or 20 (I...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by paulam
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11 comments
I feel stupid posting this, but its bothering me and I need to talk about it, Today I was talking to my cousin who is visiting from the States and is like my big sister. We were chatting about another relative, who is in her 20s and had told my cousin that she is still a virgin and intends to wait until her wedding night, whenever that will be to have sex. She has very deep-rooted Christian beliefs that I totally respect. Now I applaud her and respect her for making that decision...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by silenceisdeadly
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3 comments
i feel really stupid for writing this because ive been through worse and all of you have been through WAY worse but its just really pissing me off. i have a new neighbor. hes 18. we starting texting and talking and stuff being friendly. well one night at midnight he asked for me to come see him. and with my past, that popped up a big red flag so i told him if he reallly wanted to talk to me he could come sit on my front porch with me. so he did. we talked for an hour and a half. just talk...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by jackieos49
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1 comments
Well when you think your doing the right thing ,then it turns on not.Smile Well my Dad had heart surgery today that turned out real goo.Once upon a time a go my brother cause it experimenting,I call it molestation I was 6,7,8,9,10, he did his experiment,smile yea right.Well I hadn't had much to do with my brother now I'm 50y hes 56,well he hadn't had anything to do with his 22yr,he wanted to see him the surgery my dad had he had a great chance he wouldn't make it,so I wil...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nocomment
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8 comments
today was my first day of public school (i was always home schooled) i HATE HATE HATE school every one made fun of me because of my bruses and called me a nerd and a teachers pet because i am only 15 and i am in advanced organic chemistry. i HATE school and i am never going back.............................. sorry about that i had to get my feelings out somehow
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wouldyoulikeahug
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1 comments
I just don't get why I can't remember bits, and how many times it happened. I wish I could just remember it all clearly, but when I try I start to zone out. I mean the police thing says 5 'counts' but I'm not sure what one 'count' is. I didn't make up what I told the police woman, it was all true, it's just that I stuck to what I could 'clearly' remember (I think). I mean, would one more count add anything to his (the abuser's) sent...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nani
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2 comments
so upset.. so my doctor thinks i need pills to sleep more, ansd pills to calm my nerves and panic attacks. he thinks i need anger managment, therapy. he suggest group and independent sessions. he says im depressed, poor nutritioned, sleep deprived, and a shit load of other crap!! so i have chronic anxiety,(frequent panic attacks) and i onli sleep bout 4 to 6 hours a night i no i dont eat ok once a day on a good day.(went a months on just drinking liquids barely eating) i cry everyda...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Clonesfan
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6 comments
Well you all know how I wrote all these nice comments on my therapist-well I just tonight found out the real lady that she is and come to find out she is just as bad as everyone else is at the blaming game. She is totally not the person that I thought she was. If you want the honest truth she is a total BITCH and I will never return to her again and I am starting to wonder if my wife is really wanting to be in this struggle with me. So basically I am back at square one ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by noonecares
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0 comments
Why cant the post get bact to work, i had everything going to move then the strikes, and i cant get the bloody transfer of equaty papers i need to get my brother to take over the morgage on his name only. Then my mother says i dont care about her even though her lungs are giving in, why the hell should i she never cared about me when i was being abused and she abused me mentally, physically so why does she think i should care like fuck do i. linda
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nani
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0 comments
gold white gold and silver, all pretty expensive even gorgeous but thats not what i needed. presents, thats all i ever got, but thats not what i want.you thought that by you buying me a 1500 dollar bracelet or a 3000 dollar ring would make up for all that youve done? nothing will!!! im not going to forget just because you put diamonds or gold in my face. all i ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nani
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4 comments
last night turned out to be a not so good thing. i was an emotional wreck all day and when my husband got home of coarse he did notice but i didnt wanna tell him wat was wrong. i took a bath and started pouring out tears, ithought he wouldnt hear me but iwas wrong. he came in and ask what was wrong and i just brushed him away he put his hand on my head and began caressing my head and my neckand back. ifelt so lost. couldnt speak or move all i did was cry... after the bath my husband was layi...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nicholedvorak2011
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2 comments
well me and my sister havnt seen eachpother in about seven years wich is really hard but shell be eighteen in less than a year so this long distance shit will finally be over. ive been talking to her on the fone alot latley and she was insisting about 2 weeks ago that i dont have a relationship with our dad. this is because this is the man who sexually molested both of us at the age of 4. well she has to have a relationship with him because she too is in foster care and its manditory. but sh...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by silenceisdeadly
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4 comments
All 3 of my brothers sexually abused me growing up. But my oldest brother made the other two do it to me. So I've forgiven them because they were abused by him as well and wouldn't have done it to me if HE hadn't made them. But HE is getting married on the 10th and coming to visit on the 13th. I don't want to see him. I don't want anything to do with him. I don't want him near me. I HATE HIM. He ruined my life and my brother's lives. I...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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5 comments
My very first post I put on here was about me forgiving my father but not forgetting. I had a session today for the first time since I was 21 years old. I was scared, nervous but it went ok. I will be going on a mild medication to help me through these times. As I was talking I told her how I can't wait to be able to tell him a few things in the court room, if I get that chance. She said well what would you tell him? I just frooze and then started to cry, I said I guess I would as...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
0 views,
5 comments
Today is a horrible day for me, I sat down with my husband today and talked about how I was feeling. The shit hit the fan, I told him awhile back about my past and he was upset for me but I was ok with it all and just wanted to move on. Well, I can't fucken help that it all has come back to me and now that I want to take my father to court. His comment today crushed me, he said I don't understand why all of a sudden you are having problems again and I told him before hand tha...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by AndreaLynn
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5 comments
Hey! I've finally found a place I can really tell my story. No icing it over for my boyfriend and few friends, the only people who know. So here it goes: I think to understand this, you need to know a bit about my childhood. When I was really young, like 2-8, I basically raised myself. My dad was pretty much a drunken mess who I never saw, and my mom worked 2 jobs just to keep the bills paid and food on the table. My older sister raised me for a bit, but then she...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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5 comments
Great... I got rejected by the hospital... I am finally admitting that i seriously need help. And everybody tells me i really need to go to the hospital (especially the people in different hospitals...) because the ambulant therapy is not enough in my situation... And I end up in emergency hospitals all the time anyways... But there you dont get therapy... You just get locked up... and then the therapy hospitals ALWAYS tell me I am not yet ready for their hospital (not stable enough and s...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by discoveringthenewme
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2 comments
(Random venting...this might not even make sense): You hit me when I was weak. I trusted those around me and I shouldn't have. What you did to me was wrong. You hurt me and for 1 year and 8 months I've been fighting to get you out of my head. That night replayed for days on end and now I finally have the power to shut you off! My anger towards you has overcome all the aspects of me that I onced loved. It was what defined me, now I don't know who I am or pretend to try and b...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by tImEtoHeAl
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2 comments
I hate him........I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My parents love him and they say that they are proud of him......my brother.....their son......my tormentor. He's in my nightmares that are getting to be worse than ever. I wake up terrified like a little baby. Usually I start crying.......and that's when I reach for the blade. It doesn't even hurt.....it hurts later. I hate him.......didn't he know? Didn't he know that I would be brok...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by zifadedoda
0 views,
6 comments
David Earls Gets 1 Year in Prison for Rape of 4 Yr Old http://www.transworldnews.com/NewsS... An Oklahoma man will only serve 1 year in prison for the rape of a 4-year-old girl.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by zifadedoda
0 views,
10 comments
Brothers and sisters...I am totally sick to my stomach and angry enough to kill. I just heard about a guy here in the states who received a 1yr prison term for raping a 4yr old girl. Time already served in jail will be taken off his sentence so it will be less than an actual year. As i told a friend here, it makes you just want to give up.. Why bother...until the justice system stops rewarding the offenders and starts taking up for the abused...there will never be any end to this. Of cour...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by babygirljen16
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2 comments
Ok about 5 months ago I finally told my parents what happened! I was scared and ashamed but all they did was listen and now they are trying to help me in any way they can.....When it happend I was standing by myself with them looking at me wanting to know what I had to talk to them about....I was so scared I couldnt even say it, I kept hinting around and finally my mom said it...well we ended up talking for a while untill my brother came home and we talked some more with him....I honestly ca...
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