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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Cirdan
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First I would like to say thanks for all of you who were praying for my friend who was struggling with leukemia. After weeks of fighting and getting our hopes raised and then having them crash down around us time after time Ian went to be with the Lord yesterday. While I am happy that he is with the Lord and probably teaching the angels how to square dance, my heart is still broken over the loss of a dear friend. I will miss you Ian more than I can possibly ever say.
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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8 comments
writing for me is everything i express myself through writing. when i was fourteen i would write on images i saw. i could see myself being pushed on a bed and fucked while mom cried in the corner. i wrote about that. its not real but it felt real it was like i was there watching. it hurt but it was such a wonderful feeling like my own peace. i write now because i see myself in the bathroom with glass in my hand and my wrist slit. blood dripping down and me smiling at the pain. i can se...
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Posted 10 month(s) ago by Sonic
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4 comments
I can't really find an answer to why I'm obsessed with cleaning. I just know that, when I see there's a bit of dust or something on the floor, I feel the urge to scrub until it's all clean and basically spotless. I know I'm not OCD, I mean, if it's not my mess I can easily ignore it, but if it's something I had to do with I really can't stand it. Every time I invite someone in my room I say 'Excuse me for the mess', but they only answer th...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by lsabel
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Today l woke up with such vision of what folks are doing to each other and ask myself why and it has to stop the fighting, the misunderstanding, undecided to treat others like humanbeings it 's the sad to each of us act like we ar e in high school we all are in this place that we choose to walk because we never thought it could have happen to us, in the last 2 years l have seen and written many letter to folks hat have ended there life one thing or another see we live ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Alone
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4 comments
I fear the dark. Every evening as the sun is setting it puts me in a sheer panic. That's when "it" came. Creeping into my bedroom, blinding me with undescribeable pain and agony. And then the torture, failed attempts to kill me and the endless hours of physical and sexual abuse. The darkness swallowed me up. Leaving me more vunerable and alone. Why didn't one of the neighbors wake up and see the lights on that late? Why ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by akaye02
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1 comments
Life takes you through so many trials and tribulations and I am just now learning how to deal with this pain of abuse. I have nightmares at night sometimes about my cousin molesting me, not as often as I used to, and when I wake up in a cold sweat I have to look in every closet, behind the shower curtain, make sure the door is locked. I mean who the hell lives like that and survives? Well I do. I have been in therapy for about 1 1/2 years and it has helped a little.&n...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Violet
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I don't know anymore. two of my best friends just had kids within the last few months. I'm torn. I know I'm only 18, I'm young. I understand that. I also understand that a baby doesn't solve any problems. IT can also ruin a teenaged relationship blah blah blah. And most of all, they're bloody expensive. I understand all that. But seeing all these people having children just kicks my maternal instincts into overdrive. I just recently got out of a pregnancy sca...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by precious
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1 comments
ugh, why do i feel this way. Dirty, ugly, un-worthy, fat, ashamed... but at the same time, i feel... numb, yet hap py knowing im no longer being abused and used. I feel this awful chest pains, like im about to have a heart attack, to only realize its just an anxiety attack. Im proud that ive not allowed myself to become an acoholic, a drug addict or even worse, a "working girl" I have stood up for...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mandee32
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7 comments
I have been on Pointswithpurpose.com for about three years and site administrator for a year. I've experienced different forms of sexual abuse for most of my life and it still never feels any better to hear the awful stories still happening today! Where does the helper go to get help? I guess I need to go to my peers like they come to me. Recently I spoke to a member who has a very similar story to me and my children and boy did it ever trigger me...my heart is breaking for ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Cirdan
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3 comments
Sometimes I still feel guilty for not doing more to protect myself and not telling anyone until it was too late.
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by chargerbandnerd
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Today was the two year and I found it hard to cope today. I found myself having flash backs at the time in which the incident happened. It left me sleepless. The feelings of that day just flooded in my my head and it felt as though it was happening all over again. I feel as though that by now i really should be over this. I recently have started to become overwhelmed and have had persistant feelings of wanting to hurt myslef. Though I would act on these feelings, I sometimes wonder what i wo...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Thobz
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You'll see when you look at her/ A woman always smiling/ shining confidence and joy/ yes she is captivating/ a true rare diamond/ shining beauty from within... But what you don't see/ are the tears of blood/ pouring down her face/ coming from her heart/ when its late at night/ and she's alone/ the memories of the hurt and pain/ come flooding back... big smile/ bold face/ makes you think that she's got everythin...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by ABC
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4 comments
I've already shared my story, this website helped me so much when I first came to it, just writing my story lifted everything. That was 1 or 2 years ago and now I feel the shittiest I've felt in a long time. I find myself breaking down and crying everywhere, public or not. When asked why I'm crying I can't just say it every single time, it's been about 8 years since my abuse stopped and I cant repair myself. Suicide use to be an option, but I have this constant wa...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by paulam
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3 comments
Hi, I am truly sorry I havent been around here much lately, I dont know why I have, I know I have probably let some of you down and if I have I apologise sincerely,I will try to be more active here, Hope everyone is okay, love, Paula
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Violet
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So back to my last message on here... I'm almost 100% positive I'm pregnant. I know last time I said the same thing and it was a false alarm. But the thing is since we found out (a year ago) that I have ovarian cysts, my doctor told me to try and keep track of my periods and to figure out when I'm ovulating, most fertile etc. Just so I knew when I had to start preparing for the pain my cycle brings each month. Well about a month ago I'd lost track of my cycle...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by AngelDorah
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1 comments
ok i am looking at wedding stuff. but the one thing that hurt a lot is not have my mom to help me. this hurt a lot it make me cry sometime like now.i now i have good friend around to help me whit this.i need to get this out
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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4 comments
July will be a year I have been on PWP. It has come by so fast, I remember the day I joined, I was so scared and so hurting. Wow, I have come so far since then. This site amongst everyone here kept me motivated to keep fighting and moving forward with my healing. I thank you for that. I hope I have helped others as well as you have helped me. Baby steps is all I took, everyday was different, some were big fucken steps to find that they were too much. As I close my eyes at night I think of al...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by paulam
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8 comments
I want to apologise to all my friends here for not being as "available" recently as I have been in the past. As you can see from my last post, I am struggling at the moment. My depression is creeping back again and last week I had a meltdown. I am coming back from it, I just havent much energy right now. I feel bad as I havent been replying much to posts here, but I do care so much, and I pray every day for everyone on this board. I know I will be okay, its just a dark time right now, ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by paulam
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14 comments
I wish I was good enough for someone to want to love me I 'm sorry, its just been an awful week, and I feel very alone.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by littlechicky
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3 comments
I'm feeling so lost and confused right now. I'm hurting and I feel so lonely. I want to talk but I don't know what to say. I'm afraid of what might come out if I do talk but I'm also afraid of what might happen if I keep it inside any longer. I want to scream and shout and tell the whole world what he did to me, yet I don't want anyone to know what he did, because he did it to me, and I don't want people to judge me for what he ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by littlechicky
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4 comments
Hi everyone, As some of you may know, I don't really have anyone who I can talk to on the outside world about these things, so from time to time I write an entry when I reach the point where I can't keep everything inside any longer. Please don't feel obliged to read this just because I've posted it, I just need to get this out of my system and I'm hoping that this will help. I've been feeling uneasy for about a week or so now; I haven't q...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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1 comments
I was in a session yesterday with my counsellor and talked about boundaries with my teenage daughter. (I have none.) I have been acting like a friend to her, for so long. I realise this is not going to work like this and have to step up and be a mother. I mean ya, I'm mother and I care for her like a mother should but, we are missing a few important things in her growing into a young lady. I guess I became this way with her because I was afraid she might turn around and say sh...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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4 comments
Tomorrow is a big day for my sister and I. She will be arriving in the morning to my home. She has decided to proceed in getting some help for herself. So I printed out for BC, a criminal victims form for her to fill out. As I go through these forms there are 12 pages to go through. This is going to be rough on her and very challenging. I pray I have enough strength to help her through this. There is a section on there about the times and days experience etc... and I know this is going ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
It's so hard to talk with someone and look them in the eyes, I feel so stupid and I always look away, I get into a conversation and forget what I'm talking about, Then I feel really stupid and start to talk about something else, I always feel my face go red and my eye starts to twitch, Fuck I hate it, then I have to be fake and out comes that smile, I pretend I'm ok and hurry talking so I can get away. I always feel someone can read me and tell t...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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As I sit alone today I wonder what to do, All my memories are coming forward, I now know what my coping skills are, To not be alone and keep busy, I have nothing to do right now but sit, I'm so busy everyday that I'm not focused on my past, Today is a day I see and hear all my memories, Maybe this is good so I can look at them, Put them in my memory box, There I know they are safe.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
I said it before and I say it again, Thank you all for being my friend, It's here on this site that I feel the connection, The respect and understanding, From everyone I talk too and from those I don't, I have 310 friends on my list, Many more to add, Most I have talked to at least a few times. We All share the same thing. Being a survivor, It blows me away when I look at my friends at home, They are here but it's not the same as you and I...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by paulam
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6 comments
I just need to get this out here if thats okay. I discovered last night that my grand-aunt is dying in hospital, She is the wife of my (dead) abuser. She is also my Dad;s aunt, Long story short, she knew what her husband was capable of, she caught him with one of my cousins, and it was only many many years later that I found this out. Up to that point she was very much part of my family unit. She has been in a nursing home for nearly 3 years now, as most of her nieces and nephews are e...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Bella
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3 comments
In some ways i almost find it hard to believe that i am 43 years old, and still afraid of a stepfather who i haven't even seen in over 20 years. I find myself avoiding going back to the city where i grew up, because i am afraid that i might run in to him. I keep hoping to hear that he has died, but no such luck. When he was still married to my mother, he used to tell me that he was going to marry me when i grew up, and i was endlessly afraid that i would not be a...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by angelsfairy
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2 comments
HI, TO ALL THE RESPECTED ONES, ITS SAD TO SAY THAT SOME EVILS IN OUR SOCIETY HURTS THE INNOCENTS..................VERY INNOCENT ONE WITH BRUTALITY AND DAMAGE THEIR LIVES,THE DAMAGE WHICH CANT BE................................................................................................................MAY BE NEVER REPAIR OR REPLACE.BUT WHAT THE OTHERS CAN DO,NECESSARY TO FIGHT WITH GOVT.OFFICALS,PASS BILLS IN SUMMITS........ARRANGE CONFERENCES..........
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Sophie
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1 comments
How are we supposed to stay strong for so long? i dont know how much i have left in me. I feel like iv come so far yet i still think about what happened every day. It interfers with my uni work, with nights out, when im hanging with my friends. Even being near an older man makes my heart race, my palms sweat and i feel really sick. All i want to do in that situation is run away and hide. I hate it!!! I hate that the person who abused me is dead, that they got no reprocutions for what t...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
Do you ever look in the mirrow and just stare yourself, Wonder what it would be like to be someone else, What kind of life would you have if you had no abuse, I have really thought about this hard and I came up with this, First I would be ignorant to the topic of abuse, I would have know idea what to say or how to feel to someone with this problem, I would not have the people who support me in my life, like all of you, I would not have went down the road I have, ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Tigerlily
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4 comments
So tomorrow is my birthday and everything feels rubbish. Life could definitely be better - it's full of flashbacks, memories, nightmares and night terrors. Today all them years ago bad stuff happened, bad stuff I don't think I can even mention here but all I can say is that to those who hurt me I am not supposed to have survived but I did and the memories always play on my mind this day. I keep telling myself I'm here because that is God's plan, yet sometimes I...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by noonecares
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Im going to move for good away from the house i was abused in and being with two of my abusers, if things go well i should be in my new house on the 19th Nov, untill then im having a hard time as my mother is trying to emotionaly blackmail me to stay,becase she has lung cancer then she says i should be there for her. Sod that she never cared about my father abusing me to stop him so why the hell does she think i should take care of her go to hell like fuck are im going to, you say you ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
Last night at my counselling session, I surprized myself with my feelings. I brought up the fact that my mother spends alot of time with my teenage daughter and I admitted that I'm jealous. I mean my mom is a great mother and friend to me but I feel neglected because we don't do anything, only she helps me with the babies. God I'm selfish. She never did things with me when I was younger and a teenager, I just came to realise last night that not only was I sexualy abused by my ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
I feel I'm not being honest with my counsellor, I go see her once a week and at the end of our session she always asks me what my plans are for the week. I tell her and say I will do something for myself but, I never do. Then when I see her next, I always lie and say I did something but really I did'nt. Why is this? Why do I feel a need to lie to her about this? Why am I not doing something for myself? I always tell everyone I talk to, to do something nice for themselves. Hmm...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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4 comments
As I sit and start to write a memory I have, I get distracted. My husband is a Skateboarder, has been since he was 9 years old, he is now 33 years old. He has had some good sucess with it too, which is great. Anyway, not to get into too much of who he is, it is late, our son woke up and the only thing that seems to keep him at aww would be watching skate videos with daddy. As I look around the corner he is purched up into daddys lap with his blanky and nuk sucking away and dazed my the vi...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by heartofglass33
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3 comments
Hello, my Beloved Friends! I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving PWP. There are just too many "bad" days and I'm just getting too old to have hope anymore. You have all been so wonderful and kind to me!!! I KNOW that God knows each and every single one of you by your individual names and that He WILL be with each of you, every day, if you merely just ask Him, every morning. I truly Love each and every single one of you and I could NEVER put into words what you all ha...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by elmo
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1 comments
I posted a summary a while back when I joined PwP, a so-called survivor's entry. I've been thinking about it lately and it doesn't do it justice. I re-read it and it wasn't the outright honest truth story that it should have been. It was far less than it should have been. Lately I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what would help me heal, what is going to make me ok. I honestly don't know but I do know this. I h...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by paulam
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2 comments
In the last week or so, I've been having what I can only call, shreds of a memory, I am in a car with HIM, his wife(my grandaunt) and my grandmother, I am pretty sure nothing bad happened on this occasion, but I cant picture the whole scene. I dont know where we were going, and its really frustrating me, that I cant see the whole thing. I know this is making no sense, it certainly isnt for me. I just wondered does this happen to other people here, is it a symptom of PTSD? I just fe...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by sapphireprincess
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3 comments
a little girl only twelve wishing she could be someone else far away on the dessert moon no one to hurt her no one in her room a door with a lock that has no key left to explore and able to see the beauty in the world that knows no wrongs a yellow brick road with a beautiful song a heart filled with loved not able to hate a kiss on the mouth with a lovers taste hands that are wanted not pushed away a force of nature no chil...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by livingmylif3
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4 comments
how do i move on if i still live with my abuser? how can he live life pretending notihng happened? how can i forgive when i cant forget? how can he breathe when im suffocating? how can i sleep without being scared? how can he smile without caring about what he did? how can i live not knowing when he will strike next? some many questions and not enough answers
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
My friends, are they my friends? Sometimes I don't think so. I think they pretend. I have a few good friends. Even they seem to pretend. So the only friends I do have, Are the ones on here. The ones that understand. The ones that care. So thank you for being my friend. I value each and every one of you.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by jackieos49
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2 comments
MY FEELING"S ARE MY FEELING'S and that makes me unique don't be mad that;s the way I feel.Your FEELING'S are yours and you are unique,and very special.We don't always think ,and feel the same ,and that's just fine.One thing we do hurt ,and have a lot of pain that we do share the same.Let us focus on the pain,and the hurt ,and get threw this together.So that we can all get in a safe place if only in our minds,till this storm is over..Love everyone on this sight there&...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by wichkid
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6 comments
Every single person in the world has differing opinions on any subject. I wish that those opinions didn't inffluence decisions. I just read that David is doing a portrait of Michael Jackson, and it is causeing a stir here at PWP. No matter how you feel about MJ, this site is not about him. We need to stay focused on our individual support and healing.The Jackson site is a seperate entity. Please don't let it cause you to doubt the validity and value of PWP.There are very strong bon...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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2 comments
My mind has been so empty lately, I have had no flashbacks and no sadness. Everything is blank, I seem to be struggling to think of my abuse, but when I do, there is nothing there and I am not effected by this. This upsets me, but is also good. It's nice to not have anything negative on my mind but, I am so used to it, I feel empty. I'm not depressed about it, I just feel lost with it. I remember everything but I'm not dwelling about it. Does this mean I am moving forward with...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by NessaHuds
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3 comments
I don't know the words to say.. I've never felt what you have, I've never gone through it. But I feel for you, and I love you. You're in my heart and on my mind.. I want to see you smile more. It won't always be like this.. Seeing you in pain rips me apart.. I wish I could do more to help.. I feel like I'm doing nothing... just sitting back, watching. I don't want to sit in the sidelines. I want to jump in and help you through it. My hand&...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by vickylady18
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2 comments
Its been just over 3 years ago that it happened and there are still times that i struggle to deal with what happened. I am in a loving relationship that has helpe me heal a lot but there are still flash backs and memorys that are threatening to break this realtionship up. I cant belive that this 'friend's' memory is still damaging me and hurting me now. I used to sit there and think that the reason it happened was my fault, that i had done something to make him annoyed or make...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Future Bride
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1 comments
Hello, Well if you've read my story, you probably know that I was molested by my aunt's husband. This past Sunday I received a phone call from his son letting me know that my auncle had a heart attack. My cousin doesn't know what his dad did to me, so he thought I'd be worried and tried to be as gentle as possible when he gave me the news. He was concerned that the news would affect me and therefore my unborn son. After he told me, I tried to act as "conce...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by kokosnuss
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1 comments
so i saw the new movie Love Happens yesterday. I don't want to give anything away but it talks about death a lot and it made me assess my own situation a little more. I feel so incredibly selfish for hurting the way i do. i feel like there are people out there who have gone through so much more than me and i don't really deserve to be suffering right now. i feel like i'm wasting people's time and money. i feel like it'd be so much easier for everyone, myself in...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by noonecares
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3 comments
Two of my cats had to have there booster injection today all went well till i was bringing them back home. One of then exscaped from carring basket at 4pm thought i had lost her as well live near the forest, tried to could not. So i went back to try and find her at 5pm no luck when i called her she answered but could not find where she was. Came home at 5.30 had dinner then 6.30 went back to were i lost her, same again called she would answer, i was not going home till i found her this time....
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Hopeful2009
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0 comments
People say that we all have look alikes and tonight while i was shopping with my family i glanced over at this lady and i felt my heart racing and began to breathe heavy. For one moment the woman i saw looked like my mother. I felt like i could have collapsed and i had to contain myself and tell myself that i was okay. I managed to look the woman in the eyes and smile back at her feeling proud of myself for being able to control the overwhelming feelings i was having. This ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by IwillSURVIVE
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1 comments
I live in the constant fear that not matter how much I try to move forward or try to reach new goals I just will never get there because of what has happened to me... I have worked so hard this past few years trying to overcome the rape and deal with life as I live it now but it is so hard .. I do understand that life is no easy but with it being hard enough why do I have to go through all this ... I work extremelry hard to fight for the life I want but this fear is always there.. ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Kitty
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3 comments
A couple of months ago I left my story on here, and recieved comments that helped relieve the tension I felt for sharing my story. I said at the end I was healing and I'm sure I was, but I am no longer healing. I spend every night reliving the events, I walk through the street and I'm terrified it's him I see walking towards me, I can't trust, I can'y love and I can't be happy in the relationship I am in. How do I move on when I know he is out there? I&...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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4 comments
ok this time i am really sorry since it is the second message entry i write within only minutes of one another... so sorry. but here goes: my grandma just called and told me that i were responsible for my grandpas death. she says i was too exhausting for him because i never behaved the way i was supposed to. I am sorry... i really am... i didnt want to do anything bad... maybe i should leave this site? i mean i dont have a right to be here... i am AGAIN behaving badly even NOW... I ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by sadandconfused24
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2 comments
Tears falling down my cheak, whats happining to me? I used to be so strong, but lately I feel so weak. all the stress brings me down, It gives me no choice, I cant seem to speak my mind, I just can't find my voice. more cuts end up on my wrist, something else I got to hide, besides the smile I used to have, but now it's hid behind, the other part of me, the person I pretend to be, so you dont see my tears, I fight all my fears, I can't show emo...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by paulam
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5 comments
I wasnt sure where to post this, but I want to share something with you that happened to me yesterday, It was horrible, frightening experience and I think I am still in shock. I was eating lunch, and suddenly a piece of food got stuck in my throat, and thats happened many times as it does to other people too, but within seconds I realised it wasnt moving and I was in trouble, I couldnt breathe, didnt know what to do, I couldnt call out and make a phone call, nothing. I t...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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8 comments
Hello everyone, today was my 21st birthday, and my feelings are really confusing. I was SO scarred of my birthday, I actually wanted this day to NEVER come. But as it goes my wish didn't come true and today it was my birthday. I was so scared because I have NO good memories at all from my birthdays... Actually I remember none of them exept the last two... roughly... And those memories are NOT good. Anyways, today I had a great day. Well most of the day was great. The onl...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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2 comments
I said I was going to stay off this for a day or two. Ok, I lasted five hours. I am alone and my babies are sleeping. I am not with it right now and just feel so weak and drained. I don't know if being on here and writing will help me but, I will try. I am empty, alone, frustrated, sad, angry and confused, these are my emotions right now. I know I must get a hold of myself before my babies wake. My oldest saw me break down today and she watched me cry. She asked what was wron...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Rebekah
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1 comments
The stress of trying to live up to parents, siblings, and media expectations can be a lot for someone to handle. So when there are situations thrown into the mix, it can in turn suffocate you. This is how I feel almost everyday. I feel as though I will never amount to the expectation of my mother. When she herself was my age the expectations of her were very high, and with that in mind I would have thought that she would have been easier on me. Unfortunately, that was not the cas...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by KathyR
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7 comments
The last few weeks I have been experiencing some symptoms that, by putting them together is leading me to belive I may be pregnant. It started with back pain, then I started having dizzy spells, then going to the bathroom a lot, then my nips starting to get sore, now mucus on my panties. It really sounds like pregnancy to me. But, after taking two home tests on different days, they came up negative. Ok, so here is the hard part. I am 43 and have no chil...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Pinky09
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1 comments
Hey..well Im not feeling so well nights like these I have flashbacks of things that have happend. Im currently in a relationship were I truely feel loved but I tend to lash out my angry towards him and in the process hurt myself more. I hardly remember what happend the night I was raped but I cant never forget my Ex boyfriend who tried to kill in a rage with his constant drug use. Luckily I never followed that path of drugs and I know I will never put myself in that situation again. I cried ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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4 comments
I feel so very very disgusting today... I hate everything about me... I showered 5 times already today... But it doesn't help at all... What can I do about it, I don't know what to do anymore... I can't stand it anymore... I cut myself today... I actually have this limit... I told myself, no more than three days a week I am allowed to cut... Today its tuesday... And this week I already cut twice, which means I only have one day left... I don't think I will man...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by scars12
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5 comments
I am not sure why I am writing maybe it will help. I don't have a good relationship with my father and I saw him a week ago. I haven't been doing well since then. On top of it all I was raped 13 months and 20 days ago and he is suppose to decide whether to take a plea bargin in the next week if he doesn't it goes to court on the 21st. I am not sure what I want to happen. It seems he gets off so easy with the plea bargin but do I really want to retell my story to courtroom of p...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Clonesfan
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5 comments
hey friends-- Just wanted to get a few things off my mind-This passed wek has been really difficult for me-just seeing the people that did all this crap to me and knowing that I want to say something to them but I just dont have the courage yet-My mom came over the other day and was talkin to my wife and knows something is goin on but my wife told her she will find out when the time is right and when Im ready to confront it! It just really anooys the hell outta me how people a...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Alone
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3 comments
Had a security system installed in my home today. I am anticipating retaliation for calling the police and filing charges. I know this won't keep me 100% safe, but in my home, it will help. As I stood there listening to the instructions, an anxiety attack hit. This was really surprising to me. I thought there would be relief and a sense of taking back control of my safety. Instead I felt overwhelming anxiety and sadness that it has come to this. ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by dancingshadow
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1 comments
And so the journey continues... After letting my counselor read the story of how I was raped, I wasn't sure if I could go back and look him in the eye again. There is so much shame. But I went back. And incredibly, it was one of the "calmest" sessions I've ever had. He knew the ugliness. It had been accepted. I hadn't been judged. Of course there is still a lot of turmoil, and a lot further to go on this journey. B...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by saturn07
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1 comments
so yes, i know, this has nothing to do with the whole rape or sexual abuse thing, but i figured i could write down my thoughts for therapy tomorrow. so here it goes: well today i found out........well i came to face that my dad is an acoholic! i don't like talking bout my family problems! i like to live my seperate lives when and everyti...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by dancingshadow
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2 comments
The Night isn't over yet. Sometimes, it is brighter. The moon and stars shine through. But there are times, like today, that I feel very alone. It can seem so unfair that there is no one here to hold me when I cry. So many tears lately. I think the loneliness prolongs the process. "You searched for love When the night came And it closed in.... You cry yourself to sleep Because the hurt is real And the pain cuts deep All hope seems lost With heartache your...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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2 comments
She is opening up more to me as time goes on, and I hope to soon have her write her story o n here. I will never force her to tell it, it will be her decision. I don't feel comfortable enough to say her name on here yet, even though she gave me permission.
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by Blueyedraven
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3 comments
I hate where I am...I hate hating me... I wish I could cut my arms open and let it drip off my hands on the floor...puddling,growing.... as my body sinks into the couch...fall asleep and not have it matter... I have tried to obtain many times this thing that others see when they talk about "letting go" or whatever...I feel so inferior...lost and not worth much... OH hey what about the kids.... would they not be better off if I was different...more like others......
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by bump11
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4 comments
so, in real life, i'm actually really shy. i've been lableled anti social wwaayy more then 30 times. so i decided i'm going to share my feelings since this feels like a safe place. so for starters, in real life and pretty much everywhere, i hide my feelings. i actually put a cover on my feelings and act like a complete different person. so usuelly i'm actually really depressed. but lately, i've been diving into God, and i will say, i've been way less depresse...
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