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Posted 3 month(s) ago by Violet
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It's weird, I've worked my "new" job for 6 months at the end of February. It's gone pretty good, the odd hickup here and there but for the most part it's been awesome. I love my job, the people I work with, and my regular customers. I work at a Tim Horton's (canadian coffee chain that is as well known here as Starbucks is in the States really..) and I work night shift )11pm-7am). So on weekends it's a little funky because it means I end up staying up all n...
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Posted 9 month(s) ago by Violet
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So I haven't been actively on in the better part of 2 years now I guess. I've been in a relationship that was amazing for the past 3 years now. (July 2009-July 2012) Things had been amazing. He knew everything that had happened and was a huge support and just grounding rock in my life. I came leaps and bounds when it came to my healing journey. Little did I know how wrong I was. Two weeks ago, just a week after our 3 year anniversary he goes out to coffee with a female...
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Posted 11 month(s) ago by chargerbandnerd
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Its been awhile since I have been on here. I have missed it. Surpisingly I thought I was getting better, forgetting to trauma. I thought the pain was all over. I have been engaged for three months and while i can have sexual relations with my significant other, I find myself starting to remember again. It isnt til the morning after that my guilt begins to come back and haunt me. I have tried so hard to foget and so hard to heal but everytime i turn a corner or try to start a new ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by livingmylif3
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Its been a year since I have been here and 3 since it last happened. I am still living with my abuser and I am kinda healing but at the same time confused and lost. I have been doing a lot to keep myself busy, but I feel lost in all this madness. He walks around like he doesn't remember a thing and it angers me that he can go on and live his life normal...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by hannahmariestegall
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i...i dont know why but i hate that i cant control this. i dont know when it happens. i dont know how to get out of it. everyone has tried to make me come back but im still so nonexsictenced. it like i can see my day i can do what im suppose to but i just cant do anything on my own. im not here im not me. this isnt normal for me. im just here. i wish i could make it stop but it wont let me.
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by nikkyflower
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When the lights go out, that's when I see you. Please don't leave me in the dark. I feel your presence, your in here with me. Bad things happen in the dark. Your my cousin. You should protect me, but your what I'm hiding from. And you know I'd pull the trigger, but I dont have a gun. So I'll just close my eyes real tight, and hope to disa...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Tayla
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3 comments
Last night my mum was on the phone to my brother. He knows i was raped he was telling my mum how my cousin knows and asked him if i was and my brother asked how he found out and my cousin said his dad and his dad found out by my nan. My nan shouldnt even know and i dont know how she found out becuase my older brother is the only one of my 6 siblings who knows my dad (nan son) dosnt even know i was and the she ends up finding out and telling everyone i havnt even talked to her in 4 nearly 5 y...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Sydnei94
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right nw i am in cincinatti , ohio . i have told my big cousing`s brandon and bugga , and my uncle vance about what happened to me . i think i want to tell my dad . i might the next time i am alone woth hm . i just don`t know how he will react , and i don`t want hom to do somethin crazy because of somethin that happened almost 6 yrs ago . . . . should i tell him ?
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Rayna
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I feel trapped...I'm currently 5months pregnant. I've been trying to decide if i want the fater to be a part of my childs life. He has a good paying job and says he wants to help take care of the baby...but he seems controling. He doesnt want to meet my mom and gets upset when i dont call him or if i dont come over past 2 days...I try to tell him i have appointments and sometimes afterwards im to tired to walk over there...but he claims im lying. When I finally go over to see him h...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by gabriella
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i just feel so empty. it is not the first time i have felt empty, but it is the first time i have felt this bad, i dont want to talk to anyone, i dont want to talk to my counsellor any more. i keep getting depressed and my moods keep changing. i am fine one minute then the next i feel like crying. and today i felt like dying. i dont want to die but i just cant see the point to life. its not fair that i have to sit here feeling so empty and lifeless while he is probably just annoyed tha...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Cirdan
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I have a strong feeling that I should tell my story at my campus ministry's next meeting but I am not sure if I could do it. There are times when I still feel so scared and confused over what happened to me. The thought of standing up in front of 20 to thirty people and sharing a very intimate part of my life is a daunting one. On one hand I feel like I can do it, and should so that he loses his power over me, but on the other hand it is personal. What should I do? I am so confused r...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by precious
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Well, its an early morning for some of us but a late night for others. Im sitting here at work in my office , at 635am and having some weird feelings and thoughts run through my head. Im feeling like im ready to move forward (and have my mom, Step-dad & bf's support to help me ) however i find myself feeling sorry for what happened. Certain days i really want to tell the whole world that i am a survivor of sexual & physical abuse , but other days i feel li...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by babygirljen16
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Im not really sure how to explain this so im just going to spit it out. My Thanksgiving was strange....to say the least. My entire family was here...including my brother. We didnt eat dinner until late at night because he and my sister needed to get here from work. Well...at one point I was standing in the kitchen...and I look over and see him on the verge of tears. My other sister trying to figure out what was the matter. He said he didnt want to talk about it. But I dont think he realiz...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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3 comments
i have a kitty! well actually its my sisters and im minding him for her but i love him he is so cute and fluffy, i hug him all the time and he loves to sleep on my feet :) he always makes me smile :D oh i love animals so much, they are so lovely
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Upsidedown
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After many years of dealing with everything that went on with my dad, I finally just forgave him. We finally have had a good relationship and he now has: Lung Cancer, Stomach Cancer, Liver Failure, Kidney Failure, Stomach Ulcers, Pancreatic Cancer, Blood clots in his spine, and a lot more. Thing is, I LOVE him now. Our relationship has been mended even though it took many years and A LOT of trust in GOD . But now this goes and happens and he's lucky to make it...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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last night i took a sleeping pill...amazing why havent i taken some before!!! but wasnt really good when i had to drive :/
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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my sister hit my car and dent it a little... apparently it was my fault? yeah thanks mum of course it was -_-
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Ria
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2 comments
My birthdays coming up in about three weeks and I feel really sad about it. Lots of rejection surrounding memories of that day. Friends who forgot, family that does not care. Reminders of the years that have gone by. For me my birthday is the aniversary of my abuse. I have no real memory of the day it started or anything like that. It lasted for so long, I just blocked out that enitre year of my life. Memories still pop up but I forgot that year of my life. That year almost 13 years ago...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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4 comments
well yesterday night i was just sitting and was asked, if the person i liked died, how would i kill myself? then the person started suggesting ways... i was shocked for one, but said jump off a cliff, then the person said then what if he ended up being alive, i just said well then ill be dead :/ and the person just laughed and well called me stupid...still trying to figure out what the heck they meant or if i should be hurt by it, because the person was someone close who i dont think should ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by discoveringthenewme
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6 comments
I went off of my medication that I've been on for over two and a half years two months back. The first month i spent fighting going through withdrawls which I thought would surely be the worst part of this process. About a month into it i had 3 nightmares in a week---only one that i actually remember, the others my boyfriend told me about as i was screaming and lashing out in my sleep. Within the past two weeks I started feeling really down but I figured I just needed to get out an...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by demii
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i have made it this far, a year and a day.. yesterday it was a year, at 11:42 i fell apart, flashbacks, not eating. the whole day, just replayed in my head. someone asked "how are you?" and my voice got all muffled, because i was trying to hold back the tears, i didnt want to cry, and im proud that i didnt. i wanted to show that i am stronger now. but today.. my aunt made me tell my story to her, while my brother and momma were in the room. so i did. and as i look over at my broth...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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i got a new cd today yay it came with a little doll! i was waiting for it all week, im so happy it came! my mother doesnt really like it but i love it so much aw im gona keep it with me everywhere now hehe!
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by SJKL
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[[Beware, there is foul language]] Sitting alone, the same movie plays over and over in my head with each day that passes. The lonliness conquers me although there are people all around this house. My mind shuts out the world and im as empty as I was in the begining. This curse that hangs over my head taunts me, I fall to my knees and cry to the empty sky and pray to a god that doesnt exist. The scars that are imprinted on my wrists remind me that I can still feel something, but I�...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Violet
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so yay, I have a job. Things are awesome, I start on Friday and work most/all weekend. You'd think that's great. Only problem is we didn't talk about how much I will be making an hour. Legally I HAVE to know that before I start working, I have to sign a contract type of thing. Didn't realize this till now. So now I start stressing out about that... That's chump change for this. So yay, Kurt got a job at at a really good factory in town, making $14 per hour and is ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Help
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making a box of my favourtie music i got it plain and i also got some paint and stickers and nice paper and colours, im gona make it how i feel and it will be mine only :) its a good way to relief my anger/sadness, i just hope it works the way i want it to! cant wait to start it i think ill start now... if anyone wants, when im done ill show you a picture of it? orr any ideas you have i can use will be good too its a pretty big box :) mine as in all my stuff that makes me smile.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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hi everyone, i decided to put a message entry about this on here. In my country this is going all up and down the news, radio, TV, newspapers, its everywhere. i cant go anywhere without hearing about it. The sexual abuse in the catholic church.... Some of you know i am NOT in any way religiouse, i am not even a member of any church. But this gets to me nonetheless. Because it triggers me of course, but as well because i cant help but start wondering: why are there SOOO m...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by livingmylif3
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Hello I been here quite awhile Laying on this cold floor My body is feeling numb I’m staring at my glasses across the room I knew how they got there Even though it all happened so quickly They were on my face But then he came and punched me I blanked out and I’m lying on the floor I feel my head pounding My heart is starting to give out My eyes are closing I feel my head bleeding I can’t think straight...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by ObviousCat
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Hey PWP, how're you all tonight? I have a small request for someone if they're willing to help me out. I need someone to help me edit my novel. I'm willing to release my first chapter bellow. My style is really odd so I'm not sure how many people would want to help. Also, the novel will later contain triggers as it is a novel to examine a situation most of us on PWP have been in. I don't want to burden anyone with that. So, if you'd like have a read ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Help
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you know your an ugly person once your mother tells you your ugly.... hmm its so true :(
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Emilie
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4 comments
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Violet
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It seems after my rape that I'd keep going back to men that I thought were trustworthy but would just use me for sex and then toss me away. Not only that but they'd brag about it, this bragging would make it's way to my friends and they would then start attacking me. I'm going to write more on this another day but right now it's 7:35 *eastern time* and I need to leave for school in less than a half hour and I'm not even dressed yet. Ugh school.. I should...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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5 comments
Hello, after a longer time of absence its me again. Some of you know my relationship to my lil brother. (love him very much, feel guilty about failing him) So now, this is the new situation: Apparently he got arrested somehow related to drugs. He got arrested together with two others (my brother is 18, the other two were 23 and 30). So the following is only my guessing, because i dont know the exact charges against him. I believe the other two were taking advantage over...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by discoveringthenewme
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I am in a really really foul mood and I don't know what to do about it! GRRRRRRRRR I hate people right now. I hate everything! It keeps escalating and it's really pissing me off even more. Why can't I just be "normal." This eats and eats at me and I am just sick of it. It needs to go fuck itself! I have this overwhelming urge to do something I know I'm not supposed to....I'm probably just going to knock myself out with meds after drinking a little more. Fuck it! This...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by DoubleDee
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just wonderin witch dot represents me i wouldn't like to think im a nostril im not takin the piss by the way
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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Shit, I'm full of anger right now, In stead of me sleeping like I should be, I'm up crying and just overwhelmed, I don't even know why I'm writing this, I think I have lost myself alittle, Frustrated about the holidays, Tis the season to be jolly, Fuck I must be fake and pretending all the time, Deep, deep down I feel like shit, Thank god everyone is asleep, But yet it would'nt matter cause I would pretend anyway, What the fuck is wro...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Alysha
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This is kind of a "going away" message, an "I want to die" message, and a "Advice needed" thingy... Firsy, I'll start with the advice/ question... What does "dying eyes" mean to you? and also, How do you get through the pain or supress it enough to have an "Okay" holiday? Secondly, I will add on the Away Message... "I am not going to be on here until around January... My depression is getting much worse... I need a 'Breather' for a while, then I ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Alysha
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Maybe one day, I will be able to properly heal, but I can't even be angry at my abusers... I was sold for money and drugs for and by my mother, and yet I blame myself and am unable to be angry with her. I am engaged to the most amazing person in the world, and I fear i may not be able to bare children. I have never seen an OBGYN before, as it was not allowed. My worst fear is that the abuse might have torn me up to the point I might have to get surgery to be able to h...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Grinfkd
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4 comments
i'm having an extremely bad day and i'm extremely stressed out and yet again, i try to explain whats wrong,and i turn into some stupid babbling emo person and my point isn't even somewhat crossed. i'm about to explode and everytime i think i'm going to calm down , something happens to trigger me into another "episode". How do you calm yourself down? I'm trying to be strong and get through it and its failing.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by scars12
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I am tired. I just can't do this anymore. I am so lonely. I was abused when I was little and then raped by my sister's brother-in-law a year and half ago on my birthday. This has caused a lot of problems in my family. I have a lot of sibilings but a lot of them have listened to my sister who took her brother-in-law's side. I get so mad because I was so use to be silent when I was little that I stayed silent with my family during all the court process this year. Now its a...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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Bump, trembles her brain, "I must lurk inside", "Never to be visible", "For if I'm seen I will be known", Then who will shield her? She needs protection at all times, "I can't allow the unworthy to assault her", "I will come out if I have to", "I won't be a graceful sight," "I will show you my anger", "That's why I stay in most of the time."
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by demii
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i dont know how to feel, im so numb its Novemeber 24th, 4 months and 14 days ago i was betrayed. by my brother friend. i feel worthless, and numb. i now have a boyfriend. but i feel bad. he has to go through and suffer with my breakdowns, and bitchy moods. and he doesnt deserve that., but yet he says he doesnt mind, and that i shouldnt feel sorry, but i do. this whole thing is still so fresh in my mind. and im not sure how i can get rid of it. i want it all to go away and dissapear but it wo...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by chargerbandnerd
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I find myself i being very emotional lately. The stress of school and the lack of sleep is making it hard to control my emtions. Yet, i still find it hard to believe that the first thing that runs through my mind is what happend a little over a year ago. Last night, the whole experience just flooded into my head leaving me upset and not wanting to be around people. This is hard for me, i have an interenship. I just skipped. I hate that i am living this lie where i always pretend i am o...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by demii
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im not sure how i feel right now. i saw him yesterday, walking down the street towards my school. im glad mommy let me drive to school. he would of saw me. im scared of him. and now that he is out, its hard to think straight. its constantly on my mind. i want the numbness to go away, i want to feel some kind of emotion. but i can't. i feel worthless. and dirty. like there is something wrong with me, im not sure what to do. i've tried everything. writing, therapy, talking....
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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3 comments
Always Walking Talking Standing Still He ALWAYS got his Fucking will I am weak A looser A freak staying strong going on Trying to be WHO ? me? I did die now im a lie
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Fantasy lover
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2 comments
I feel invisible, though I know I'm not. I know that people see me, I know they love me, I know they know I'm there. I know who they are. But many do not. They do not see me, they do not love me, they know not that I am there. Only by those closest to me, am I seen. That is why I care for them so... I care for all. I have a strange attachment to the world, to the people within it. I am invisible. Seeing all but remaining unseen. Being seen and so seeing nothing. Nothing bu...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by ShatteredSoul
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1 comments
I just wanted to say thank you all, for everything you guys have done for me. You guys have been there for me when I felt as if I had no one else. You all have listened to me, given me advice, and loved me. If it weren't for you all, I don't know where I would be right now. You guys are my family, though we have never met face to face. I love you all, and wish you all healing and peace in your hearts. You are much appreciated Whew! Just had to get that off my chest :) I love y...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nocomment
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14 comments
i went to court this morning at 9:30 am i was REALLY afraid but i took the advice that so many of you gave me yesterday and i told the judge EVERYTHING when i was finished the judge said i could leave the court room and watch the rest on a tv screen in another room i watched as the judge spoke to my parents and my uncles i cried when they said they never hurt me that they loved me and all they wanted was for me to come back home the judge told my family that he would have to be insane to let...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by babygirljen16
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4 comments
Silenceisdeadly posted a song that she thought fit PWP and it gave me the idea to post a song that I think also stands for the people of PWP.....Its a really good song and I would recomend it for anyone....Enjoy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlXlUgHUc60&feature=related Special thanks to silenceisdeadly for giving me the idea
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by HyeEunSuhKim
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5 comments
Everyday, it seems the same routine. Wake up. Eat. Activity, usually done everyday. Eat. Some other activity, or the same one. Eat. Relax. Sleep. Repeat. Wake up, eat, activity, eat, activity, eat, relax, sleep. Over and over again. And somewhere in there, you still have that anxiety. That pang of anger or fear, or sadness, of from a flashback, or something. You feel chained down. Like, you can`t break out of this routine. You keep as busy as possible, to not have time to think so you don`...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by SilverStar
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4 comments
i would like to talk and make friends here. I was sexualy abused from ages 9 1/2-16 1/2, that is 7 years.I would like to share my story and feelings and in return hear your story and feelings.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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3 comments
Hello everyone, there has been a change in plans again... I went to the hospital on monday as I was supposed to... But a few hours later they put me on another ward telling me that i was not yet ready for the 14 week program on their ward. They told me i should rather go in a specialized hospital. I feel like I failed... I am so weak... So stupid... in two weeks I have an appointment in a specialized hospital in Munich. There I will have to talk to a doctor and they will see if the...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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I have just been listening to this song and it gave me courage and told me that there will be light in my life some day. It helped me keep going. I know I will get through this day and even further and so will you :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KECk91-M-Ko Wenn du jetzt aufgibst Und Du hast viel zu lang den Schatten geseh’n und viel zu lang war alles grau um Dich. Du kannst ruhig klagen, denn es reicht. Die staerkste Seele wird mal schwach. ...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by hidingthepain
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i have finally relized i am NOT alone i do NOT have to suffer in silence anymore! through the kind words and careing love of others on this site and by reading the stories of others i have relized i am NOT alone people DO care.i truly belive that through this site i have found the strength and hope to live each day THANK YOU THANK YOU ALL you ALL mean SO VERY much to me THANK YOU
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by ShatteredSoul
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2 comments
SInce I am currently unable to go to any kind of therapy (because my boyfriend is the only one with a car) he has bought me some self help books. I would like to share the titles with you, maybe they are something you guys would be interested in. I have only been reading one of the three so far. The one I am currently reading has made me cry everytime I am brave enough to pick it up and read it. They aren't bad tears though, they are tears of relief, tears that need to come out. Do some...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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Just wanted to get something out here. I know I am not important, I know I am not worth anything, I know I am stupid, evil and bad. But the question is, why do I feel like knowing these things? Because someone made me feel them, someone told me these things over and over again? Or maybe just because it is that way? Does a child actually think these things about itself, just like that? Does a child grow up knowing these things, just like that? Do...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by beans9232
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It's been about six years since my last incidence with sexual abuse. I've been slowly opening up to more and more people about what happened to me. Yet, as I have started to become intimate in my first serious relationship. It hurts to all the sudden have flashbacks of those horrific events in my past and even though he is aware of what happened to me. I still struggle with the feelings of being broken and troubled. I wish I could just move on this. I'm so sick and tired of de...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by 00set00
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So far it has been five years since that incident occured...at different times I blamed it entirely on him, at other times I blamed it entirely on myself...I know now, though I am not exactly a full adult yet, that it was shared responsiblity. I did not act and react in the way I should have towards the situtaion at all, I realise that and though it makes me sick to my stomach I admit to it openly. I've always had a problem with pleasing people; I hate for othrs to be mad with me or...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by faithfuljesusfreak
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2 comments
I know that I have been leaving a lot of comments on messages posted. I have been in similar situations that many of you have. I am just not quite ready to share them just yet. I will share the fact that I have recently been kicked out of the place I was staying, my friend recently committed herself and was released a few days later from the mental ward of a hospital in another state, my friend's husband recently stole money from her (leaving her no way to return to where I am now) and ...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by secretamente09
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so the first good relationship i've ever had with a boy has ended. i'm feeling really worthless, but i try not to show it for 2 reasons. 1. some of my friends really look up to me. they think im so strong and confident and happy, and a lot of times i am. i've een through and seen a lot, and i know a lot more about the world than they do, so i am their confidant, their encourager, and their beacon of femine vivacity. im so afrad for them to see me like this. i dont want t...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by Lostintranslation
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4 comments
I came to points with a purpose to connect, to find hope, to find support. It breaks my heart to see all of the suicide entries, and I'd like to add a few thoughts. I KNOW THE PAIN, I get it, I've been there. No I may not know everyone's stories and may not understand tear for tear everyone's hurt, because we are all fighting our own battles. But don't we owe it to ourselves to see what we are made of, to rise up and overcome so those who have hurt us don'...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by jessiihannah
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3 comments
I think the worst part of being sexually assaulted is how others treat you afterwards. It's like suddenly you have two lives- your old life and your new life. Those who know what happened are too worried to say anything in canse they say something 'wrong', but what they don't realise is that we just want normality, to any extent possible. I get that they don't know how to act or what to say, but seriously? I'm not fragile. I'm still Jessii, I'll still ...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by faevertae
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2 comments
I've always been a night owl, but sometimes I know there's more too it. A lot of times it's because something's on my mind. I'm so tired. It feels like an effort to be social and let people in. And I'm a very social person, usually. But I've mastered the art of small talk and irrelevant stories and focusing on other people's stories. I'm actually amazed, when I think of it, about how little people know about me. Of co...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by kelly
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2 comments
I generally have no tolerance for people who share their stories. My mind tells them to shut the f*** up, I don't want to hear it, quit being a victim, loser!!! It is obvious to me when I am able to get past the emotion, that my lack of empathy for that person is truly just a reflection of my lack of empathy for myself, my own shame, and how quite probably I continue to blame myself. I still feel so cut off from the emotions that I felt as a result of what I have ...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by amyhurts
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5 comments
Im not really sure what to make of this . if anyone has any input i would really appreciate it . um , so , on monday night i had a dream , or well, nightmare . I was at a party with my cousin , and then all of a sudden i was in this bedroom . Now, i had this friend in grade 2 , and i havent seen her , or been to her house since that time , and it was HER bedroom . And then my friend alyssa came throgh the window, saying how her and her boyfriend had just had sex, and she was in ...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by noniboni
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5 comments
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by ijs611
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5 comments
hey guys. my name is ivy and i'm 15 years old. i've always known that my mom was molested as a child by her father but it never crossed my mind that i might have been. when i was 5 and 6 years old my mom and and dad and i lived w/ my grandparents. at one point i was home alone w/ my dad and grandpa (the one who molested my mom). he called my name from the top of the stairs and when i went to him he was standing there naked.. i immediately ran screaming and crying to my father. i�...
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