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Posted 1 year(s) ago by Darcs
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I had a terrible day on Wednesday. I drank too much the night before. I either slept through my alarm or forgot to set it, and was therefor late to work. I fell apart at the coffee shop and cried on the poor barista's shoulder. And then again on my boss's shoulder. It was just a terrible day. Today, it occurred to me that my rape-iversary should be around now so I looked at my calendar to check the exact date. It was Wednesday. ...
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Posted 1 year(s) ago by kasum69
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I have been in therapy for the last 7 years. I was doing really good until I started having flash back and nightmares again. Though that I was passed that. My therapist told me that I would have to deal with this the rest of my life. That's kind of a defeating thought. I guess I had it in my hear that after a certain amount of therapy would take away the mightmares and flashbacks. Therapist said that they would always be there but they won't seem as powerful in the end. My question...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by mosmo
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4 comments
Hi I have so many memories coming back now . I remember so much more now . how do I get these memories away, I will not remember . can not bear to have these thoughts in my head longer, away from my own thoughts . I remember now part of the rape &n...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by precious
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Hey everyone, so i woke up this morning feeling this heartache. I just realized that 15 years ago today my entire world around me changed for good. Yesterday made 15years that i was last abused by my daddy. I dont know why i woke up crying and wishing id never remember these little things. When looking back on half of my life, i cant help but think how i made it through...and as im healing from this...i cant help but wonder if these emotional scars will slowly fad...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by jjmacwinter
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4 comments
i have been through several types of abuse in my life, mainly by one person, but those memories will have to wait for another time. those are a lil to close to home to come right now but instead i will tell u that i have been abused in every way of the word mainly between the ages of 3 and 16. i have been mentally,physically,emotionally, and sexually abused. being said that, i will share one memory that i remember, of when i sexually assulted by a janitor at my 6st gr...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by kickasscowgirl17
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so tonight is christmas i am suppose to be happy my little boy is put to bed after santa came last night and left presents and he had such a good day now as the night enters i cant sleep i can't everytime its hard not to see him and i am already starting to show the bruises again i want to know how to sleep with out having to take stage 4 narcotics and sleep to get some rest any suggestions that would be great
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by rosebud89
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A year ago, I stumbled upon PWP. I looked around and wondered, "How the bloody hell did I find myself here?" "Here" had two definitions. The first definition was a noun that described the confusion, pain and misplaced digust of a twenty year old Black girl who got raped by her white ex boyfriend. The second definition was this place and how mindboggling (and during my cynical period, slightly annoying) the idea that a pretty, naked lady could be composed of all the sickness that abusive men ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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something i feel like sharing from my childhood... when i was in school....say like yr 1 or 2 i had a friend and she was so cool... well not cool but strange like me and we used to always be together. We used to go and sit alllll the way at the back of the school (it was a big empty feild) away from everyone and just talk or look at the sky, i felt so peaceful around her like everything was ok and i wasnt a bad person, i felt normal and so happy, not like this happy that goes in a couple ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by SarahElizabeth
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The sensation of the couch’s leather against my skin was odd. I was not fully aware as to what was touching my skin-his hand, his fist, the leather, the carpet- I did not know . I was not present in that moment. On the contrary, I was a prima ballerina. I was performing Swan Lake in an English theater. I was dancing the role of Odette. The cold surface of the leather soothed my throbbing body. Though I mentally was not present in that moment, I knew what he was doing-though...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Help
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3 comments
watching mother and sisters making food....was asked to put it in the oven so i did....a few minutes later they forgot to check on it...it burnt a little from the bottom... me sitting on the couch, mother comes telling my sisters then looked at me and said 'its all this pigs fault she put it in the oven and didnt remind us, because of you all our hard work has gone to waste and now we cant eat anything i hope your happy' ... me well i died on the inside... believed it was all my fa...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by SarahBee
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Most days I'm fine. For some reason today I'm not. I'm sitting listening to the rain and feeling that familiar, hopeless anger. I can't understand why these days still happen. All is well in my world. I love my husband. My life is rich with friends. My abuser has been dead for decades. But today, he still haunts me. Wish I knew why.
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by taylorcriedwolf
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Is it possible that I was raped or sexually abused in some way as a child and completely erased the memory of it happening? I just recently began to consider the possiblity that maybe I was sexually abused as a child and don't remember it. Until a few years ago, before I became best friends with two guys who made me feel like men were okay again, I had the HUGEST fear of men, especially older men. Whenever I'd go to my friend's houses, I'd ...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by demii
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2 comments
some days i wake up drenched in sweat, and aches and pains, it was another flashback, i remember this one so vividly. ciggerette smoke brought the thought into my head, thats what he smelled of. smoke. and he was breathing heavly on me. i remember when he kissed me thr first time, infront of my brother. i never do that, but i was afraid he would hurt me if i said no, or backed away. so i let him, that was one of the signs, but i paid no attention, *i remember seeing him barge through my door...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Alexander2010
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When I was 12, a man my aunt was dating was living with us. My parents didn't like him, but they allowed him to stay. I didn't like him. I kept telling them he was bad news. My cousin and my sister had not been born yet. He was going to be the father of my little sister. Well, one night, he came into my room while I was asleep, sat on my bed, and started moving the covers. I couldn't tell what was happening, but I felt his hand rubbing up my leg. I didn't like it at all a...
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Posted 2 year(s) ago by Price
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I was a quiet shy child very withdrawn around strangers, I often hid from them. After my scares I kept men at a distance for years and became so shy I was almost not able to function. Meeting and becoming friends with my georges helped me find my voice. I was in my 30's near 20 years later and about 8 years after meeting my Georges. A man threatened to hit me. Terror was my first response and then I became enraged. How dare this stranger threaten me, I had rights, I was no longer ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Violet
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So at school we were given this speech about internet safety. How to avoid being hacked etc. But the big thing was how to avoid internet predators (pedophiles, rapists etc.) This girl "Ally" (name changed because she's in the witness protection program) was the victim of a man who would pose as a peer (school friend) and would work his way into hacking her account (think msn). He blackmailed her into going on webcam and "performing" nude. If she didn't comply after the first time (...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by GeorgiaGirl
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( www.georgia-tech-rape-victim2.blogspot.com ) You may or may not repress the memories. Either way, the affects of "fraternity entitlement" will manifest in a victim's everyday life -- relationships, parenting skills, job opportunities, and the ability to function normally. It will sap your energy, rob your spirit and erase your dignity. You will experience nightmares, eating disorders, withdrawal, depression and guilt, along with ot...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by weasel16
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I love the way sand feels between your fingers. The way you grad a handfull, reaching down deep to get as much as you can. But you only pick up as much as it lets you. Sometimes it hold together and you get your handfull. Other times it's so dry and sunburned you come up wtih only dust. I sit here and write things in the sand. Sketch images with my fingers and I think..maybe..life, love..any realationship with one person is like this. Before the sand knows you ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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4 comments
As you all know i go in therapy....we have been talking alittle bit of the abuse, not the exact hapenings..but the suroundings, feelings and so on. I told her i remember i used to hide under the blanket, i belived if i just hide good enough he wouldnt find me... my therapist said she belives this memory is from a very early age, maybe as young as 2 - 2,5 - 3 yo. because at that age all kids believes that if their eyes are hidden noone can see them. i know the abuse st...
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I have left for many years, left with sadness, blackned tears, Being brought away from that place, in my loving sisters unhappy hast..e (?...) now, years later, im finally back, and guess what> you didn't even care to whipe my blood of your bat.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Ducttapedrose
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5 comments
I didn't want to write this. I didn't want to deal with it, didn't want to think of it. Still don't. Master of Avoidance, that's me. But I've been deeply numb since a bit before the events on Thursday morning. Actually, more than anything, this is an explanation of why those events occurred. Why I wanted to harm so much in the first place. I found a repressed memory. I don't get many of those. I've remembered the majority of my abuse ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by AvalonStorme
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I have no idea what just happened. It's something I've never experienced before and it's kind of scared me... I was laying in my bed, in complete silence, thinking about the abuse. I've tried so many times to make myself remember the details. Anyway, I was just laying there and... it was weird...my legs and arms started to tingle. I kept thinking about one specific incident. I remembered a couple of details. Like, how there was an American flag on the ceiling.....
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by livingmylif3
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im getting sick again it always happens i have a flashback, and then the next day i get sick i dont know why, it just happens two days ago i have a flashback while i slept he touched me, and talked to me his smell hit my nose, i almost threw up i screamed and no one heard me he raped me, as hard a he could it hurt, inside and out he did it over and over again i woke up...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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I am 12 i think... i am just back from school... i am hungry, because as usual i am not allowed to eat anything that doesnt belong to me... i am going through the kitchen... opening one door after the other... opening one drawer after the other... nothing there... i am really hungry... i havent eaten in two days... my stomach hurts i feel dizzy... i find a pot full of honey... i take it out of the cupboard knowing full well that i will regret it lateron... ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by godofdanger
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I know I tell others not to be drawn into another survivors story , but sometimes it just happens !!! I watched a film a few days ago , " Searching for Angela Shelton " , it was uncomfortable to watch , I didn't think that it'd affect my dreams until last night . I hadn't seen my childhood before , well , it was my journey to the coach that took me home that I remembered so vividly . I was running but I was wearing one of those hazmat s...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Ducttapedrose
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4 comments
Sorry folks. I'm deleting this. I have my own reasons for not wanting people to read it. Don't worry, it has nothing to do with anyone on this site, just with me.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Aberrant29
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I was 13years old and i was a fat kid, no lie, rollie and pollie haha. Any way i knew this guy named :sigh: david. David, he was 19 years old, but he still had tones and tones of younger teenage ferinds. I thought he was the coolest guy. He had a Ford F150 and he had a nice job he dressed up to go to every day, and he always smelt of marbrel lights and old spice. I don't smoke..infact i hate smoking in gneral, even more so after. Well i was walking up to the corner st...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by bien_ecouter
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Last night I was reading the book Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult and it reminded me about being abused. It hit me pretty hard because I hadn't thought about it in a while. I was amazed that I had managed to sort of forget about it in a way. It hurt sort of like peeling off a bandaid only to realize the wound wasn't quite healed yet.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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(I had a flashback the other day and fell to the ground, I held my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth,) I was four and hiding behind my dresser, Crying and very scared, I took a bottle of pills I got a hold of, I took the whole bottle of pills, I don't know what they were, I sat there in silence praying to not be found, My mohter and father walked in and saw the bottle of pills, "Did you take all these pills my mother says?" " Yes, mommy ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by DoubleDee
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hey everyone i need help i have court in febuary and i cant stop having bad memories and flashbacks im only 14 and find it hard to talk to my parents my mums a drunk and my dads well my dad when i go to court i want to be in the actual room not a video link but i dont want my parents there its hard just knowing that they know whats happened with the abuse. my abuser is living less than a mile away from me and i see him often and when i do it sends me into a panic attack im allwa...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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8 comments
I dont remember my age...maybe i was 7 or 8 or something... i had wished for a racing track ( you know those car racing tracks you can put up in your house) And i was so happy i got one..with orange tracks, a red and a black car.... we put it up right away and started driving with them....it was so funny..we had to drive carefully and slow the speed when the tracks turned to left or right, or the car would jump off the tracks ... it took a while before i got the hand on it, bu...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by discoveringthenewme
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So update, I have found the greatest guy in the world and my problems keep pushing him away. I doesn't want to leave and I don't want that either. He has noticed that i take this all out on myself but I don't know any other way to deal with this bullshit! I am so sick of the medical bills, and costs of medications. Why is it that "I" have to pay (literally and emotionally) for something that I DIDN'T do nor ask for???? It's like everybody that gets close to me sees m...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by scars12
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I wonder if the memories ever get less intense. I feel like I am just continually living in one particular moment or memory. I remember the nice guy looking for his dogs. I remember falling to the ground I remember the hay bails. I remember the gravel digging into my skin. Sometimes I remember the weight of him on me. Most of all I remember feeling like there was no point in fighting I thought this is how I am going to die and I don't care at least all the pain past and present w...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by elmo
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The other night, I was playing pool with my girlfriend and a friend and I got all possessive over setting up the table. My girlfriend and I had a fight and it made me feel like I couldn't tell her what was going on in my head. Sometimes I just can't shake my memories and they make me act in such strange ways. I remember playing pool in the pub with this old guy who showed me how to rack up the table properly. I have been able to do it ever since. I...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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im sitting in the window.. trying to escape i just need to jump its not far down its winter and cold i look at the stars i hear his steps walking down the stairs i jump im on the groud i got no shoes its cold the air is clear its dark... its night... i turn around i climb back in.. i run to bed hiding... wanting to escape too scared too cold... too dark... i see no point.. he gets me anyw...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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as a child i created a name to my monster, i called him the big bear, i could talk about the big bear and say things like; i have to sleep coverd under the blanket, or the big bear will find me...or...mom, please dont leave me alone,the big bear will come... My mom just laughed of me and my sillyness, told me so stop whining... The big bear was my reality, the fear, my monster that lived and walked around...showed himself to me at any posible opportunity he had... I really belive...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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I used to hang out with a biker gang. I was first a groupy and then got involved with one of the guys. I spent most of my weekends there partying and such. I used alot there and drank myself stupid. It seemed I was there most of the time getting drunk and high. This was all I did for almost a year. I was never really scared but, I did see alot of stuff going on in this house that one should just not see. Like this: &nbs...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by LindsayMiller
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I've been going back to the old blogs I used to write on lately... From the years 2005 and 2006, I was one messed up cookie... A lot of the posts that were on some of the many I started, I didn't even remember writing.. I've always been a writer, it's one of my passions. This one stood out amongst the rest this evening... Please remember, I was 18 when I wrote this... Fear of Dying Saturday, December 10, 2005 "I...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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Deep, dark, black water, I can't hold my breath any longer, I try to reach for the surface, I'm pushed down even deeper, I breath in the water and I can't get up, I feel myself slipping away, A hand is helping me out, "I should of let you drown", she says, "But then I would be in trouble", Laughs at me and walks away.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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Running through the woods stoned out of my mind, Not paying attention to the man from behind, I find the camp fire were the partys at, I sit with some friends and we have a chat, I see out of the corner of my eye, This strange but interesting looking guy, I ignore him for awhile to see what he would do, I pretended I was busy tying up my shoe, Then my freinds had to leave and I was all alone, I remember him coming up to me and the smell of his cologne, He asked ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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5 comments
Sitting in the front seat in the car, its early mornig and on the way to school......he is driving me, but he dosent drive the right way...we pas the school...i say nothing, watching the other kids walking in the doors...playing outside.... i close my eyes...trying to find my safe place...but i cant find it.....he drives to a place were noone can see the car... he lay back the seats...i undress without a word..he smiles to me, i remember thinking he looks like a wolf in that moment. ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by crackerjack
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it's not fair that i can't be playing with son without having to be reminded of that scumbag did to me. now all i can think about is him being inside my mouth, inside m body and inside me. all because i was trying to pla with m son so now i have to remember this shit again today. it's just not fair. all i want is to be able to enjoy being with my son is that so much to ask for. instead i get hell.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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4 comments
ALONE in the darkness locked in the washing room the floor is cold spiders crawling all over heart is pounding its hard to breath cold naked atum outside hand marks around my arms around my neck beltmarks on my back blood on the floor under me silent night not a sound to hear what did i do? i dont know im a bad girl never doing right i need to be punished dirty litle whore try to make him happy sitting on his lap n...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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lying on the bed naked too young to know he sitting on the side tuching her it feels so good tingeling between her legs he puts his face down uses his tounge she is way too young he tells her she is good he tells her she enjoys she likes it it feels good he puts his fingers in pain rubbs her privet parts hurts he tryes to get it in its way to big for her she lies on her tummy he forces his way she screams in pain h...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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2 comments
a litle girl hasitate going to bed... she tells her mom its a monster under the bed... her mother laughs it away... litle girls tears fall down her face.. little girl hide away she has found a new safe plase to sleep she thinks litle girl sleep in the closet litle girl is awake in the middle of the night woken up by angry words telling her she is a whore she is not worth a bit angry hands grabs her feet monster fo...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by crackerjack
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to hear you say i love you makes my stomach turn. to see what you did to my brother makes me want to scream. so many times i told you enough was enough. you promised it would stop. but yet again you would come in and do it all over again. how could i let my brother down so bad. how could i let him get hurt over my mistakes with you. i should have let you do what you want that day but instead i tried to fight back. to scared 2 hit you. instead you knocked my head against the floor. when...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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i got lots of memories coming to me..this i had to day....my sweet girls was playing on the table in the living room, they are not suposed to be on the table,but they had so much fun and i realy enjoyed looking and hearing them laugh and play together. my baby was naping and i was lying on the floor trying to read a book.i just got the chill...and i closed my eyes knowing i was suposed to see something from my past. im sorry if this makes you sick or feel bad.... i dont know my age, bu...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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3 comments
After he was done with me, my mother used to comfort me...she used to say over and over again she was sorry..., i had forgotten she used to do that. it came to my memory this morning... my baby fell as 1 year olds do at that age,and he hit his head on the floor and got a small bump, he cried and i picked him up to comfort him and make it better for him. i hold him close and wisper in his ear that im sorry hi hit his head,kissing his bump and his head. then i remember it... she used to ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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7 comments
My child in me is hurting so bad, She feels nothing but guilt and shame, She only just turned 8 years old, How did she even know? He was only four, She forced him to the floor, The look in his eyes were teared, She though this was normal, He started crying and she stopped, She is so sorry she tried to hurt you, She did not know it was wrong, This is all she knew, She was only 8 years old. ( I feel sick, ashamed and angry for doing such a thing. Me being...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by 09mmcgowan
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5 comments
Lately, I can't sleep. I see his face at night and in my dreams. This keeps me up at night, making my 8 am A and P classes so hard to function in. It needs to stop, but I know only time will allow these nightmares to go away. I feel him at work and in school watching me, he is miles away, but I feel him. I know someday I will be able to function again, but when? I'll wait patiently for the tears to fall, the guilt to run, and my soul to feel free again. Until then, I will keep livi...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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i had\have flash backs on this thing theese days, i hope writing a bit will make it go away or make me remember it all.. my mommy was away from the house very often.... she would be gone for days....she went to a school in another place, and i had to be alone with him. when she was gone i had to sleep on her side of the bed, he called me his little wife, and he told me what little wifes are suposed to do and how to behave. i was not alowed to do anything witout asking him,...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by Rebekah
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"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people that treat you right, forget the ones that don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." -- Ginny Marko You always said that everything happens for a reason. I've been looking for that reason for the past...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by LeslieElizabeth
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1 comments
I want to remember, but I can't. I want to remember all of it, I want to know what happened. I want to remember how old I actually was and I want to remember how it felt. I want to remember it all.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by drill_skill_800
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2 comments
A different dynamic comes when trust is lost. I know of survivor's both male and female, both old and young (as young as 4). The World just seems like such a sick place. I'm losing faith in humanity, because violation seems so common these days. The memories have been greatly affecting my intimate relationships - and I'm wondering if anyone else is experiencing the same. Is very sickenning how primitive we are. Rape not only happens to women, but men as well. And...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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10 comments
This is only a MEMORY! Because of recent misunderstandings i write this in huge letters above again. This happened when i was younger. a memory i need to get off of me... Think i leave it here. Here its safe. Its a memory from when i was 9 years old. I walk back home from school. Its a cold day. We even have some snow. I am cold because i somehow dont have a jacket on. i am nine. i walk pretty fast to get out of the chilly wind as fast as po...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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11 comments
yesterday i had a writing conversation with one amazing woman here on pwp, i told her about one of my struggles, i thought i was the only one feeling like i do...but she also feldt like that, and i thought i would post it here .... i feel so ashamed telling this, but i cant get it out of my head...i am sure you will think i am strange and sick, but i take the risk, hoping !!! once i was on my bed, naked he was there beside me telling me what to do, i think i w...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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8 comments
Mother and me are at grandpas house. Grandpa has friends there. I am 7. I have to drink alcohol. red wine. i dont even taste its flavour. I feel a little dizzy. There is my grandpa and 5 of his friends. Grandpa asks "who wants to go first?" A fat ugly man wants. He is like really huge... He must be about 50 i suppose. I just stand there and i dont move. I dont care... mother is standing in the corner awaiting her task. the men take their turns one after the other. i dont ca...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nani
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1 comments
i was in his house we werent alone. he had his best friend over. we got in to an arguement over him asking me to bring my little sister over to have se with her. completely disgusted i refused she was only 11 for gods sake. he said " either you do it or ill find her my self and make you watch, itll be a horror fest you wont for get. unless you wanna see her blood and guts everywhere i suggest you do it". furious i smacked him and screamed at him and said ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nani
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3 hours i was gone. i fought with my grandpa for him to let me come see you. in fear that you would kill me if i did not. you waited for me in the car outside. the fear i felt when i got in the car and buckled my seat belt. you began to drive. i have no idea where we were buti knew it was a hotel. you said we were gonna talk. the desk clerk starred at me. im sure he saw the pain in myeyes. you opened the door and we walked in. the only talk i remember...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nani
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1 comments
all i could think about was the filth that covered my body. ripped myclothes off and jumped in the shower that was ready to boil. hoping i could melt the outer layer of skin off. i scrubbed away as much as i could. in my eyes i was never clean enough. i felt disgusting and impure. my virginity had been stolen along with my innocence. his smell stuck to my skin which was some thing i did notlike. i kept scrubbing in hope that i would feel clean again.
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by nani
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nice summer day. had to go to summer school for failing math (my weakness). i was so scared. i had a horrible gut feeling that day that something was wrong. i remember saying good bye to my grandma(she was my guardian) and thinking is this the last time i see her. i walked out the house and started to pray that something happened so i didnt have to go to the school. i began going down the stairs and next thing i no im at the bottom of the steps. god definitly answered my prayers lol. i h...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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I look to my right and I see a bright light and a voice says put your belt on right now, my arm is forced and I snap the seatbelt on. I was 15 going on 16 years old. At my best friends house with her friend. She just got her license. "lets go to the store and get a movie and junk food for the night." We all get into the car I am in the back, my bestfriend is in the front of me. The music is playing we are laughing and singing. Around a corner we go, " slow down, watch out for th...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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Annie and the Wizard of OZ were the first movies I saw as a child and love them to this day. I played them for my neice at 3 yrs. old, she is now 20yrs. and she loves them. I played them for my daughter at 2yrs. old, she is 15 yrs now and she still loves them. I get to play them again for my 2 year old girl and 1 year old boy. When they watch them thier eyes don't move from the screen. ....Annie, when I first watched this I was 7 years old. I memorized this movie and all the son...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by pernille
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my chilhood memories haunts me when i sleep...... i close my eyes and there it is......or maybe i should say, there he and his friends are ...just waiting for me to close my eyes.....feel the helplessness and confusing pain ....i am scared and sad, longing to be safe. seeing his angry eyes over me, i am not doing right.... i dont understand what he wants....feeling....seeing.....the walls are yellow with flowers, the roof is white, the floor is brown, and i try to run away.....
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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I had a girl friend in grade 6 and 7. She was a real good friend mainly my only friend for awhile. I stayed at her house lots. She lived with her mother and sister and mothers very young boyfriend. They where I think 20 years apart. My girlfriend when we would sleep in her bed would always want us to sleep naked. Did not think anything of it. Till one night she started to lightly touch my chest, which I did'nt have one, she did though. She would say does'nt that feel good. I would ...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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We are in the last house of my abuse as a child. I am in the kitchen about 11 years old and I hear my sister screaming. I come running towards the screaming to see her on the stairs that go up to our rooms. She is laying on them while my dad is in full fists hitting her. My mother is standing there trying to stop him, but as she grabs his arms he hits her too. I don't know what to do, he is hurting my sister. I start to cry and scream at him to stop hitting my sister. No one is listenin...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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So today was a crying panick attack day for me. I was going to an appointment this morning to my doctor to get my meds. started. I swore it was this morning, but I got there and it is for tomorrow morning. This just set me off. Went to the truck and started crying. Ok, getting stupid now, I am crying about everyhthing. So I leave and head down to the library to try and find some books. Keep in mind I have not been in a library for many years and have know idea how to even look for a bo...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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4 comments
This will be the second time telling this story. First time is to someone on here. Now I feel I am ready to share with you all. I was 14 years old and coming home from a friends house. I snuck out when my mom and her boyfriend went to bed. I did this alot to go hang out with my friends. I went to her house and we started to drink and at about midnight I said I better go home before I get caught. I had a coulpe of drinks but I remember I was very eager to get home. I lived on a very sec...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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As my 2 year old askes for breakfast this morning, it brought back a memory. Great, yet another. So now they are eating and I am writing to get this off my chest. How can a parent not feed there child? Let them fend for themselves and not give them something healthy. My dad never provided food, the fridge was always empty, I never ate, always sick and weak. Never any school lunches except for what my mom could make up which I would get bugged by the others kids in school for what I had. So I...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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I am in my first house when the abuse started. I would be 4 years old. I am in bed and hear faint bells and look at my doorway to see a white flowing large glow. I was scared and hid under my blanket. I think I fell asleep but then I woke and walked to the kitchen. I wanted a cookie from the cookie jar. It was on top of the fridge. I pushed the kitchen chair in front of the fridge and stood on it. It was still too high and I could'nt reach it. I wanted a cookie so bad. I then felt somet...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by strongmelanie
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3 comments
We had an old vintage car can't remember what it was or the year. My dad had a truck with a camper parked in front. For some reason my dad asked my mom to back up the truck bumper to bumper with the car. I was in the truck with my mom and she started to back it up. My dad was at the side giving directions and mom gave to much gas and backed right into the car. He was so made he was yelling and curseing at my mother. As he was yelling his face off his teeth came flying out of his mouth a...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by MayaSofia
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6 comments
Sorry... It's me yet again... I am just wondering... Why do I not have a family... Like a real family? My birthmother doesnt answer on my letter... My adoptive family is no family at all....... Memory: "grandpa grabs little girl... grandpa screams at little girl...grandpa says little girl is a slut... grandpa undresses little girl... grandpa hits little girl... again and again... grandpa penetrates little girl... grandpa makes strange noises... little girl doesn...
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Posted 3 year(s) ago by marfafilms
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Normal 0 I cant believe it! You were so young! I barely knew you, and Im completely numb. I cant even begin to imagine what youre close friends and family are feeling. I still remember the few times we spoke. I wont soon forget them. You were always a shining light in this dark world. I only wish to someday be like you. You are so beautiful! While Greg was reading the eulogy, I realized I was closer to you than I thought. He mentioned that yo...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by tinyprincess
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I was 14 years old.....I was in the car, Dad was dropping an "Uncle" off to the airport and i was sitting at the back with him ( this man was not my chilldhood abuser).... Mum was sitting at the front....it was raining real hard and we were stuck in alot of traffic.... I was falling asleep in the car, when suddenly i felt a hand touch my thigh and squeeze it....my eyes opened, i froze, i was speechless, i couldnt breathe, but i didnt move or look at him....he kept squeezing, then he be...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by HyeEunSuhKim
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8 comments
6th Grade, Fall Semester-White boy in my science class. Kind of obnoxious and irritating. Pushes me in the halls, blocks my way purposely so I`ll be late to class. 6th Grade, Spring Semester-Feels me up my back and legs, though nobody notices in the crowded hallways. Too busy trying to get through to continue on with their own buisness, going to lockers, going to class, or the bathroom. Continues getting more severe actions of feeling me up and such. 7th grade, Fall Semester-Continued ...
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Posted 4 year(s) ago by LindsayMiller
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2 comments
I've spent most of my life trying to keep my brother and sister safe, happy, fed, and protected. I'm not sure if my sister knows this, but I remember the last time I had to protect her from our abuser... well at least I hope I had kept her protected, because it stopped for me after that night. It's been something I've been thinking about the last week or so.. I told my cousin Ashley that I am capable of telling people, "Yes, I was abused, and yes, it did happen...
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